Why is it ok with your BF that you are invisible? Why would he rather upset you than her? And why is she upset anyway? Does she not want her father to have an adult relationship?

this would be a great big Oh Hell No for me. You are either in a committed couple, or you are not. Sounds like maybe he’s not. 

My husband's daughter wouldn't meet me. We kept making dinner plans when we first got engaged because I just felt like we should at least break bread once, but she kept canceling. We carried on, though, because I was assured she was happy for us.

Eventually, she met me. She was snarky, a mini-wife, ugh, just awful. We only fought about SD and we fought often about SD's demand that he see her alone. A year before her wedding, she suddenly became a dream SD. I did all kinds of stuff for her wedding and we got on great. Within four months of her wedding, she was back to only communicating with her father, sending postcards addressed only to him.

Then I disengaged.

So what I'm saying is that I'm 20 years into this relationship and I'm still on the outside looking in. I don't care as much now, and when you get to this point, neither will you. You'll just want peace. Disengagement is at least in the direction of peace.

I would just talk to your future husband and tell honestly that it’s disrespectful to you as his partner and future wife. If she want to see her half sister she will need to accept you as her mother. He actually giving a bad example to his daughter “bending” like that. And you probably feel left behind and unimportant when he allowed that to happen. Made you wait in a car as a dog who is not allowed in the cafe. I would made sure he knows how it feels.

How does he expect to explain your absence with these visits as YOUR child gets older??  They will ask why.  

My dear, you are a package deal! We are always told that our spouse with his children are a "package deal", well so are you!!!!

There is no baby without SM. Please be strong and put your foot down on this - its a "hill to die on" if you will.

Your DH needs to back you up, because he set a bad precedence the first time. Once he gives in on this and continues it, what are the future limits? NO holidays with you, only half sister with dadee? NO vacations with you, only half sister and daddee dearest?

No, please do not accept this.

When I first started my relationship with DH, his eldest Toxi Feral didnt want to meet me. The Toxic Troll BM didnt want to meet me. Then, Toxic Troll decided to have her new boytoy meet the kids after a week so it was suddenly ok. But for me, I had to wait 2 MONTHS.

Im like whatever. But for you, with a child, stop accepting this excluding of you. Its not right. Its totally offbase. You are not just the girlfriend, you are an equity life partner.

My husbands ex kidnapped their 2 daughters and cut off contact for over 5 yrs. hubby had sole custody of ss who will be 21 in a few months time. Sd last year initiated contact with hubby and hubby pushed and stood his ground to meet them outside at a cafe/restaurant, not at exwifes current husbands home so she could dominate and control the situation 

the sd then aged 22 &14 said they wanted to meet dad and their brother out. It was on a day that hubby had a coworkers lunch party so he asked me and our kids aged 2.5 & 1 to come along. He didn’t at all ask for sd permission for us to come along as they had told hubby (rather try and guilt him) by saying we know you moved on and have a new wife and new kids, a new family

hubby just said you will always be my daughters. We’re a packaged deal, hubby wanted them to meet me and our 2 kids (their half siblings), believe me even with all the stepcrap we deal with and at times hubby not manning up, never would one of my skids be able to get away with asking hubby i want to meet my half siblings but not your ne mq wife...

thats such a dealbreaker...

your man is treating you like shit, he is allowing, enabling and reinforcing his daughter can treat you like shit. What they are doing is emotional abuse and typical with stepkids and its WRONG!! 

There are no buts if sd asks to meet her half sibling and say doesn’t want you there, your partner needs to tell her off she’s disrespectful and out of line and that you will be present with your daughter

remember this saying “Don’t negotiate with terrorists!” I think thats very fitting in this case because you should not be kept hostage in this situation, you gave birth to your daughter, you have raised her and hell no does someone veto or demand to see your kid without you present...

sd is out of line demanding you not be present, you have every right the next time hubby says sd wants to meet bubs alone again to girmly say “NO! Bubs will not be going alone with you”

until this little shit learns to show respect to you as the mother that birthed, cared and nurtured for this child and is as standard to be at meets, you do not allow visits

no doubt sd will play victim claiming parental alienation but she is totally out of line and unreasonable with her demands.

i myself have refused to attend visits outside the home to meed skids as they are perfectly capable to come to our home but are lazy not to.

so op next time tell hubby if sd wants to meet her half sibling then she can come to your home from now on since she is an adult. If she demands you not be present in your own home, if hubby doesn’t see how out of line and ridiculous she is being, he needs a good kick up the arse hun...

This would be an ‘Oh Hell No’ from me. Princess SD does not get to dictate what happens with MY child. Sit in the car while she meets my kid??? Nope, not today, not ever. 

The fact your man wants to keep indulging SD in her fantasy that daddy doesn't have a partner boggles my mind.  She's a friggin adult and should be able to handle reality.  Reality is daddy has another child with a women who exists.  

I think you have boyfriends problem not as much stepkid problem. This man left you in the car while he went somewhere to show your baby to his daughter. While you sat in the car. If my skids told my DH to leave me in a car, he’d say big fat no. Your BF is an issue here 

When I was an infant (2 - 3 weeks old) my Dads mom (my grandmother) and his sister (my Aunt) came by the house to see me. They swaddled me up and took me off to meet their friends. They told my Mom there was no room for her in the car but not to worry they'd only be an hour or so. My Mom was 21, a brand new parent who had lived at home until the day she got married. She burst into tears the moment they left, she didn't feel that she could stop them.

She called my Dad who couldn't do anything but try to soother her over the phone. She called her Mom who told her to take a nap and that the baby would be home before she knew it. She also made a few comments about the lower class that my Dad came from. He was from across the tracks, which was a real thing in her hometown. Which is another story.

When she told me the story, 40 years later, she said it taught her that no one was going to stand up for her, she was going to have to learn to stand up for herself. Never again did anyone take any of her kids anywhere without her permission.

So, OP the lesson here is to stand up for yourself. It doesn't matter what a bunch of strangers on the internet think. If don't want your baby to out meeting people without you, don't allow it to happen.

Please, please, please do not become a Golden Uterus but you do not have to be a doormat either.

If the end goal is to have a happy marriage and family life, then the father excluding his future spouse is in the wrong and there is no justification that makes it ok on his part to exclude OP.  

Tell your DH that it is high time she met you. If he protests, ask him if he's ashamed of you and, if so, why?

The issue is not that this man wants to have his two children alone, it's that he's allowing SD to pretend that his partner doesn't exist, and that this baby was somehow created spontaneously by DH alone.

It's not healthy for him to allow this exclusion long-term.  Does SM have to be involved in everything? No. But would it kill SD to say, "Hi" to SM when she skypes to see the baby? No.

This man is creating and allowing entitlement and rude behavior in his so-called adult daughter, who is excluding her SM only because she can't bear to think of her father in a relationship.  From what I see, this woman hasn't done anything to this girl except exist and be with her father.

The father is an idiot for allowing this to go on.

As much as my gut feeling echoes OP’s, that this is rude and she shouldn’t be barred from any part of her child’s life, the fact of the matter is that BabyOP does have 2 parents. 

One poster before said something along the lines that a dad can’t be trusted alone with an infant in public. Why not? There seems to be a distinct anti-father feel on this board when it benefits SMs. But if a bio dad drops the ball or favors the skids then suddenly he’s an a-hole for not stepping up and being a strong, equal parent. 

SD, as an adult who never formed a relationship with OP, is not obligated to do so now. Just like SD needs to “face reality” as an adult, so does OP. Right now it’s just letting her baby’s father have a quiet afternoon with his children. Why can’t he have that! If OP pushes too hard, she might soon find herself handing over her child to him exclusively every other week and she will have zero say in what he does with the child. Perhaps a little diplomacy and compromise is needful, no matter how distasteful it is.