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18yr old wants to move in with us -she is very jealous

chair's picture

Submitted by chair on Wed, 02/19/2014 - 11:40am

It is annoying to hear his phone go off daily it's like if she doesn't get any kind of contact from him she will not give up until she does. I work graveyards while my husband takes care of our 8 month old daughter and when I come home in the morning he gets ready for work so the time I do have with him is valuable. I've addressed how she needs to at least be considerate and ease up with the calls/texts/pics/clip art quotes etc. It's consumed our time and I now cringe when I hear it. He's gone as far as to at least turn it off when I'm home and leave it upstairs but I can't help but want to check how many times she blows him up. It's like what daddy u lose your phone again? Are u ignoring me now because of Cher (myself) there? ONE DAY she couldn't get ahold of him and she sent me a very nasty text stating "oh you won you can have my dad tell him HIS kids...yada yada yada I was shocked and pissed then saw what she wrote him oh dad I had to put up with her
My husband has been pushing for her to move in with us I said being married not even two years yet can we wait on it? He is being very persistent with her coming even though my feelings on it are not mutual. SD and I don't really know each other my husband has made it about them two and never about us as a family that's how its been I am not ready for it he tells me she misses me bad she wants to get to know u and rest family but why now? She had opportunity when we lived in same state no effort made. She has daddy by her finger I don't know if I'm right or wrong about the move in but what are your thoughts? Thoughts on 18yr old? He tells me ok now I found out he's planning it behind my back saw a text from her about daddy finding her a job at his work blah blah what?! Don't know what to do barely back on talking terms with hubby she is consuming my life I've yes played the I'm leaving card just can't take it anymore she is tooucb everytime she gets mad it's daddys fault she got mad and didn't talk to him for awhile because she found out we were pregnant now he told her no on living here she won't talk to him now he's miserable and the xwife is upset omg! Is it also wrong to ask him shouldn't she apologize for telling me to go to hell in a text ?! Mind u her and I barely talk when we all hang out she is hangs on her dad and won't really acknowledge us as a family

Comments

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Wed, 02/19/2014 - 12:00pm

Pretty much what all the other posters have said.

I have girl skids (14, 18, 21) and its clear that they will never move in with us. It's a 100% deal breaker for me. There is just too much resentment and jealousy for it to ever work out.

I refuse to be uncomfortable in my own home. That is my safe place.

Why does your DH want her to live with you?

Why is she calling/texting her dad so much? At 18 years old I had a life. I was not obsessing over my father. This girl has serious issues.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 02/19/2014 - 12:50pm

Listen, my DH railroaded me into letting SD15 move in with us and it has been an absolute nightmare! DH and I went from happily married to brink of divorce in a matter of months. SD is manipulative, knows exactly what to say and how to say it to get what she wants and DH falls for it and then treats me like I am the bad guy. SD is a lazy slob who does nothing, zip, nada to help in our home... her room is a sty.

DH is so worried about rocking the boat and having her run back to GBM that he pussy foots around her instead of laying down the law. That right there is the bottom line to most of our problems. DH told her she could move in with us without talking to me first (swear to God, he actually came to me and TOLD me he was going to go get her) The three of us never sat down together and came up with ground rules or anything of that nature and it has been HELL!

I guess you have two choices, tell your DH no and risk the end of your marriage or tell your DH yes and risk the end of your marriage. THAT'S what sucks... there is NO good that will come out of this, and either way at the end of the day YOU will be the bad guy.

Sorry you are having to go through this... I feel for you! Sad

MarselleB's picture

Submitted by MarselleB on Wed, 02/19/2014 - 1:45pm

For one you can use your baby as an excuse, because "it would be too much stress". Also, she is 18, and can be on her own now. Actually she sounds like something is wrong with her, not normal at all. A normal 18 year old is involved with their life and friends, so something is amiss here.

I would try and not argue with your husband, but gently tell him it's not normal and she needs to find her own life. And by all means ignore her texts, on your phone, don't play into her sickness.

He's not helping her by playing into it. And he needs to tell her no calls at work etc. and who cares about the ex. It's going to be bad enough when she visits, so be prepared; and keep your child close. Something is not right with this adult woman.

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Wed, 02/19/2014 - 7:47pm

No friggin' way in HELL should you let her move in!! If you do - then you might as well pack your bags and leave them by the door, 'cos you're going to end up running outta there!

Your DH needs to wake the hell up and realise two things!

#1 - she is an ADULT and should be making her own way in life
#2 - YOU are his wife/partner and if you don't agree to it then it'll never happen.

The man has to learn that his wife/partner comes first in his relationship. He is inviting trouble with a capital T by inviting her in. What he is essentially doing, is dumping two women in the one household and ANYONE would tell you that is inviting disaster. ESPECIALLY when one is his daughter who acts like his mini-wife.

There are some real loser-men out there who enjoy watching two women vie for his attention - these are weak, spineless assholes who are too immature to be in adult relationships.

Maybe you should print this out and show it to him - let him see how selfish and immature he is being.

Last of all - if he INSISTS on going ahead and moving her in - you'll need to make it clear to him that you'll be leaving and he can spend the rest of his life with her. What a supid, foolish man.

blending2012's picture

Submitted by blending2012 on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 9:52am

The way I see it, your husband has ZERO motivation to change because he has two girls fighting over him, which must be a huge ego booster. In my experience, withdrawing rather than engaging is far more effective. First I would advise you to STOP checking his phone. I am tempted periodically too but I remind myself that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's INDIFFERENCE. Make his cell phone something you are INDIFFERENT about.

When his daughter is blowing up his phone, make NO COMMENTS. Do NOT ask him to turn it off. Just LEAVE THE ROOM. Go into a different room and start doing something that makes YOU happy. Turn the focus off of his daughter and back onto you. Watch a show you enjoy, call a friend, text a friend so that your own phone blows up with texts.

Right now, you are offering your husband no mystery. Make him wonder what YOU are up to. Who is texting you? His daughter wants his full attention? She's got it! Let's see how long he finds that endearing when you are gone, physically and emotionally. If you do this consistently enough - just quiet pulling back NO ARGUING, I bet he will start to set up boundaries with his daughter all on his own without any nagging from you.