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It just keeps getting better

Cdngirl's picture

Submitted by Cdngirl on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 5:28pm

So I got home to see two bouquets of flowers (different) one had a couple of roses in it and the exact same boxes of chocolates along with identical envelopes one with DH 13 year old daughter's name and one with my name on it. Seriously you get us the exact same thing. Please tell me if I am over reacting because of all the other shit that is going on right now.

Comments

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 5:48pm

Hey - I broke of an engagement when my fiance got me and his mother the exact same gift - a camera. There of course was a lot more than that but I remember feeling so dissed.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 6:41pm

Buy 2 sets of lingerie and ask DH if he would like you and SD to model it for him. See what he thinks about that.

Moron.

silentnites's picture

Submitted by silentnites on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 6:50pm

Okay, don't take this wrong. Think about how you would feel if she were your biological daughter together with him. Odds are very good you would think it was a wonderful gesture, and not be offended that the gifts were almost identical. Don't overthink things, it brings nothing but grief.

silentnites's picture

Submitted by silentnites on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 8:57pm

Oh, I didn't mean anything rude, not at all. I just think sometimes as sparents we tend to pull ourselves into a certain line of thinking, just because. It comes natural.

All I meant to say which might not have come across correctly in print, is that as a stepparent I felt differently when we had kids of our own. I guess you could say it opened my eyes a bit. If I knew then what I know now type of thing. Nothing rude at all though, feelings are feelings and they are justified.

silentnites's picture

Submitted by silentnites on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 10:55am

"I found it ironic. It's rather the crux of the SM problem. Pretend it is your kid when convenient for BM or daddy dearest. Pretend you're shit when skid, daddy and BM say so."

Wow, that is a very good point. It is amazing the insight we get from each other. That is very true what you wrote. It's such a long journey....

arjuna79's picture

Submitted by arjuna79 on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 6:56pm

no, there's no overthinking needed here. This was a pure dumbass move. there's all the information you need about his lack of clarity about priorities between wife and daughter. GROSS.

bi's picture

Submitted by bi on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 8:54pm

sorry, but no. you are not overreacting. that is crap. fdh got our son a card and a balloon. granted, he's only 4, but the same should apply no matter what. you do not get your child the same thing as your wife. he needs smacked.

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Submitted by stepmomto3bioto1 on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 11:15pm

Ewwww!! No way!!!! The gift you would give your Wife should NOT be the same thing you give your Daughter!!! Thats so freakin messed up!!! Valentines Day is supposed to be the day for your Love & Lover!!! The MAIN gift shoulda been to the Wife or SO!!!! If you choose to give your Daughter something it should be cute & small !!!!!!!!! Some people seem to have it twisted!!!!

The gifts you buy the Woman you have Sex with should NOT be the same you give to your Daughter. This totally grosses me out!! & I DO have DD8!! & heck yes, if we were an intact family--I would absolutely feel the same!!! Yes he made an "effort" but he has put them as the same level !!!!!! Wrong all the way around!!! Bleh!!

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 9:49am

^^^EXACTLY!!!^^^ You are spot on!!!

He basically put his wife and daughter on the same level as eachother!!! Even if it was my BD I would not like it. But that is just me....

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 11:29pm

I wonder if you would feel this way if he had done this for your "joint" biodaughter.
If he had given your daughter flowers and chocolates, would you think "EWWWW! GROSS!!" or would you think he was being sweet? Just an honest question to ask yourself.
Now, if it had been lingerie...that would be different.

Personally, I think it's kinda sweet that he gave his daughter that for Valentine's. She will learn how to be treated by a man by her father's example, and it sounds like he's setting a high bar for a future suitor. Wink

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 8:26am

I agree. It's Vday. You buy flowers, chocolates and maybe a stuffed animal.

my late DH bought our DD the same chocolates as me and I thought it was sweet of him to include her.

Personally, I feel Vday is for couples and don't really do the buy for kids thing. They get enough holidays.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 9:52am

I agree...V-day is for lovers/couples!!!

It is ok if you want to give your kids a small stuffed animal or some candy but you should step it up alot more for the one you are with/love. IMHO.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 8:28am

My mom and dad are still married. Once (not V Day but Mother's Day, my first), my dad got my mother a bouquet of roses and got me a single rose.

You can make those types of fatherly gestures without the spouse/SO feeling belittled.

I can't IMAGINE the hellstorm that would have befallen him had he gotten both of us the exact same thing!

New second wife-step-mom's picture

Submitted by New second wife... on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 8:51am

IMO, this guy didn't put much thought into the process. He just went and picked up some stuff.

Maybe he heard the guys/girls at work talking that they had bought their daughters something so he grabbed something for his daughter too.

Don't be too hard on him I think he just didn't think about it.

I know my DH, and he has to be coached on the "proper" way to do some things like gift giving.

Its proper/acceptable to give your wife a big bouquet of flowers and chocolates and its proper to give your daughter a smaller box of candy with balloons, a stuffed animal or a single rose.

When we got married DH was still going all out on Valentines Day for SS13. I thought it was a little much so the next year I "helped" him find a stuffed monkey that sang some silly song and a small box of chocolates.

I would not bring it up to my DH this year but next year I would make suggestions to him on what he should get his daughter or help him pick it out in advance. You might also let him know that he should leave some things special for her first boyfriends.

It's nice when your daddy buys you a bouquet of flowers but when that first boyfriend buys them for you it's very special!

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 9:01am

Wow. That happened to me once. My ex bought me a diamond necklace for Christmas...and bought his 17 year old daughter the exact same one.

I was seriously sleeved out. I broke up with him two weeks later.

Some men are seriously clueless.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

Submitted by New second wife... on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 9:07am

ok. You said there were 2 bouquets but one had roses. He gave you the one with the roses right?

You said there were 2 cards with identical envelopes. Where the cards different?

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 9:39am

My dad always gave my mom a Valentine's gift & never gave me one. Do you know I NEVER felt like he loved me less. I just grew up understanding that Valentine's Day was a day for lovers to celebrate together & that me getting nothing from my dad didn't mean he didn't love me as his daughter. It just wasn't a day set aside to celebrate the kind of relationship a father has with his daughter.

Cdngirl's picture

Submitted by Cdngirl on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 10:07am

I can see both sides of the coin here. Last night I was out with the girls (every Thursday thing) and I asked them. It was interesting the response. The 1 who is in an intact "traditional marriage" and has a daughter and the 1 who is on her 2nd marriage with 3 grown daughters said that they thought it was cute. The first one just thought it was cute to even get anything. The other 2 girls, one who is a SM with a Bio DD and the other who is divorced and single thought that is was wrong.

My biggest thing is not that he got his DD something, I am glad he did, but that it was the same thing. I could care less how much was spent or who got the most spent on them it was the fact that it was the same thing. I come from an intact family and my dad did not get me anything on Valentines Day, even though he got my mother something. Also if my brother and I got chocolates it was from both our parents not just our father.

I told my DH thank you for the flowers, but please don't buy me and your DD the same thing again. To me it was a slap in the face. He didn't understand and that is fine we argued for a bit but in the end it is done. Moral of the story he won't do that again and if that means I don't get anything for Valentines Day so be it I won't be disappointed because I like to show and share my love 364 other days of the year with my DH.