Everything is our fault
Last night BM started flipping out on BF because I have been picking up/dropping SS3 off at preschool/daycare a few days a week. Well she picked SS up today and I guess he freaked out! He threw a fit in front of his teacher, screaming about how he didn't want to go with her, that he wanted to go to daddy's house. So now it is also somehow BF's fault that SS didn't want to go with her so she proceeded to text BF and tell him how SS hates her, and she should just leave SS with he and I to raise, and that its all our fault :? . BF tried to reassure her that yes, SS does love her, he doesn't hate her, but she just said that she doesn't believe anything BF says, and kept saying that SS DOES hate her.
Now we DO NOT talk about BM or even mention her when SS is her, unless SS says something about her. Usually he'll say "hey that's like mommy's car" or he'll say something about his half sister. Lately he has been asking me over and over if I like his mommy, and when I answer yes (which I do every time) he comes back with "well she doesn't like you", I usually just say "well that's okay" and try and change the subject. We never ever talk badly about BM in front of SS when he is here, period. He has never expressed that he misses BM when he is here, and if he knows he is going back to BM's he throws a fit. He is ALWAYS excited to see his daddy, every time. And it's not because he sees his dad less often, they have 50/50 custody (week on/week off). I don't know what goes on at BM's but some of the messages she has sent to BF makes me think she is taking her anger out on SS. And I know that she has completely lost it at times when she was talking to BF, and SS was with her, watching her do this (BF could hear SS in the background). One time she actually said BF needs to take SS more because she "can't stand the sight of SS because he reminds her too much of BF". It makes me wonder what this kid is going through when he is at her house.
It's not as if our house is all fun and no rules. He doesn't get away with things and gets disciplined when necessary (which is one thing I am really proud of BF for, he doesn't let his son walk all over him).
I don't know what's going on here.
In a way I feel bad for BM because what must that feel like to feel that your own child dislikes you?
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Comments
I don't know, it sounds to me
I don't know, it sounds to me like your SS is reacting to the BM putting him in the middle. He doesn't like it and is resenting her for it. If you and your BF are being careful about not saying negative things about BM, then that explains alot about why he would rather be at your house. It's less stressful for him, and you don't make him feel bad for loving his BM. You're doing the right thing.
Don't feel too bad for BM. She's pushing her son away all on her own. Make sure to document everything and if you decide to go to court, suggest that she see a counselor. Someone needs to tell her that what she's doing is wrong but I doubt that she'll listen to your or your BF.