Croup Chronicles
So yesterday, BM and/or GF forwarded DH a copy of SS' COVID test which was negative. We can't tell who actually sent it because it came from BM and GF's joint email account with no message attached and GF has been known to email DH from this account on occasion. DH responded "Thanks for sending the results."
Today, BM emailed DH informing him that SS had a follow-up appointment with the pediatrician this morning to review the emergency room visit. I find it odd that SS had a follow-up appointment for croup. In my experience, once a treatment is initiated, someone doesn't require follow-up unless their condition changes form or worsens. According to BM, the doctor is discontinuing the inhaler that SS has been on for a whopping two days (that BM thought SS would be on until he visited us at Christmas LOL), but stated that the doctor thought SS was bad enough to require another round of steroids, which were administered during the visit. BM reported that SS' cough only appeared last night, which would align with SS only having a sore throat on Sunday, which BM said she rushed SS to the ER for, but contradicts the diagnosis of croup given during the ER visit on Sunday night. Again, no actual medical documentation was provided in the email. BM said they kept SS out of school again today because SS' cough had improved and they didn't want to "aggravate it." Things still aren't adding up, but that is neither here nor there. DH just responded "Thank you for the update." So this is three days in a row of continuous communication from BM, to which DH is grey rocking. We haven't received this type of daily, continuous communication from BM in years. We shall see.
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It always made me nervous
It always made me nervous when BM would start playing nice. It usually meant something bad was coming. She wants something and is buttering DH up by suddenly sharing information about SS.
I'm a little nervous too. BM
I'm a little nervous too. BM sent an email to confirm Christmas visitation dates a week ago and there were no issues with that. I cannot imagine what other things she would have to discuss; outside of Christmas, we have no reason to talk to her for the rest of the year. I think BM might just be needing attention and having a hard time that DH hasn't been communicating with her at all. DH isn't playing that game; BM is getting one sentence responses at best. Maybe hell is coming, I just can't imagine for what though.
I hope that's all it us. For
I hope that's all it is. For us, it would mean BM wanted DH to agree to something and wanted to avoid going to court to get it, so she'd try being nice and acting like she valued his involvement first. Then ask for whatever it was - like private school, or something of the sort. Hopefully nothing.
Could it be she and GF
Had a tiff? Or that BM is getting ready to enroll SS in some expensive hobby?
I've been thinking that BM
I've been thinking that BM and GF have been on the rocks lately. I have thought this based on the way they act in the background of SS' Facetimes; they argue constantly. BM won't leave GF though; BM is an opportunist and she loves that GF makes lots of money and does all the child raising for SS. Either way, BM doesn't want DH. She has made it clear that she is not interested in men and only used DH as a sperm donor to get pregnant. It's clear that DH has moved on with me, I mean hell, we have been together for 8.5 years and married for 2.5 years, and I think BM hates that she "lost" that control because she is Mother to SS, so she believes she should trump everyone. But, she wasn't willing to coparent, has sole legal custody, and has SS 46 weeks per year, so DH let's her parent and doesn't really communicate with her or try to involve himself in parenting decisions. I think it bothers BM that DH ignores her and doesn't go out of his way to talk to her/engage in her games.
I don't think BM would ask DH for extra money. BM has learned that DH is not willing to pay more than the court ordered CS if BM is not willing to give him a say in whatever it is she wants the money for, and needless to say, BM isn't willing to give up that kind of control. BM hasn't asked for money in about a year.
You know what don't count
You know what don't count your chickens before they've hatched. I've been alive a long time and I have seen and experienced things. I wouldn't put it past the BM to keep your husband in her backpocket for later. He needs to be very cautious about communicating with the BM. Even go as far as to mark the emails "read" but not reply.
Never, ever, ever trust a skanky narcissist not to come back for more. She uses people.
It bothers her that he ignores her because she still wants him. She is trying to stay relevant. Listen to your gut.
Luckily, my DH learned tips
Luckily, my DH learned tips for grey rocking and BIFF method from his attorney. He usually only sends a quick "Thanks for the update" if he sends anything at all. I think that has helped immensely and cut down on BM's communication exponentially. DH has gotten really good at setting very firm boundaries with BM.
Agreed. BM here tried to get
Agreed. BM here tried to get DH to pay for something that she couldn't get through court just last year. He had been ignoring her for years. He ignored her again. I expect her to try again at some point with something else. They have to test the boundaries.
I wonder whether whatever it
I wonder whether whatever it was that led ss to the ER wasn't the result of some form of negligence or stupidity on bm's part... I think that is why she is giving you all this Pseudo-info. It's a a smoke screen. She's telling you all this so you won't feel the need to look any further.
We've thought about this,
We've thought about this, that maybe SS had some form of allergic reaction or something happened that BM is trying to hide. BM usually doesn't provide so much information unless she is trying to cover something up.
Maybe BM's radar is going off
Maybe BM's radar is going off and she's aware there is a shift in the force of you and DH's lives (pregnancy) and she's trying to see if she can worm out any infromation. I also agree with the above poster, something happened with SS and it was probably caused by her neglicence so she's going over the top sharing so you won't dig too much...or she's setting you up for this Christmas...she's planning on SS faking an attack of some sort since the whole abuse allegastions she made got shut down pretty easily.
Maybe. DH and I have kept our
Maybe. DH and I have kept our pregnancy pretty under wraps, but maybe she suspects something is up. We don't plan to tell SS until he visits at Christmas, but if he finds out earlier, so be it. And maybe BM is setting up for Christmas. She sent an email last week confirming the dates that are outlined in the CO. DH said based on her response, it seemed like her and GF are making vacation plans for themselves while SS is here at Christmas. We will just let things play out and see what happens.
My guess is that he did have
My guess is that he did have a sore throat and BM overreacted and rushed him to the ER. The ER probably said he was fine/had something viral and to follow up with his pediatrician if he got worse. He probably got the steroid and inhaler because they were waiting for his COVID results, and both have been routinely prescribed to patients with COVID for at-home treatment of symptoms.
But, BM is BM and went full mama bear. The doc probably said "it could be COVID or croup", and BM being the anti-vaxx, COVID conspiracy theorist wacko she is clung to the croup piece and "diagnosed" SS with that. Plus a diagnosis of croup prevents her and GF from quarantining him or themselves, so bonus points. And having a child with COVID really puts a dent in her "COVID is BS" arguments, so she clung to anything else.
Anyway, no COVID and she took SS to the pediatrician because he developed a cough (pretty common after a sore throat since all the crud in your sinuses drains and can cause a sore throat and chest infection). The inhaler got pulled because it wasn't necessary, but steroids can help with a chest infection (and is likely preventative right now with all the COVID, RSV, and other stuff floating around again in kids).
I'm not a doctor or clinician, but that seems like the most plausible. If BM were being negligent, the ER would have involved CPS (likely). I'm going more with "BM is crazy and the ER didn't want to deal with her, so they gave a diagnosis and meds to get her TF out and onto the pediatrician to deal with".
This is highly plausible and
This is highly plausible and probably the most likely.
I read your previous blog too
I read your previous blog too and BM's behavior and explanations are pretty strange, I'll admit. BUT...
A couple of weeks ago my DD8 had her annual well visit at 8am and everything was great, pediatrician said she was as healthy as ever and sent us on our way. I dropped her at school at 9:15, and when I picked her up at 3:45 she said she didn't feel well. Got home 15 minutes later and her breathing had become very rapid and raspy sounding. 10 minutes after that her fever was 102 and her blood oxygen level was reading 84%. Our pediatric ERs have been overwhelmed lately and they've been begging on social media for people to not come in unless it's necessary, so I called our pediatrician first and was instructed to go straight to the ER. We ended up being there for 8 hours. Every single test they did (Covid, RSV, strep, flu, and pneumonia) was negative. They administered steroids, oxygen, and breathing treatments before sending us home with an inhaler with instructions to administer every 3 hours for 3 days and a second dose of steroids to give the following day.
We did have to follow up in person with the pediatrician before she could be cleared to go back to school. And we never were given a definitive diagnosis - just told that it must be a "viral respiratory infection." This happened on a Tuesday and I was certain that as sick as she was, DD would be bedridden for a couple of weeks, but she was good as new by Saturday.
Believe me, I know that having a BM who is dishonest and overly dramatic can make you suspicious of everything they do. At one point ours took my oldest SD (because the youngest never would play along) to the ER 18 times in one year - not once was it warranted, but it cost us a FORTUNE. Her abuse of the ER is one reason I was so hesitant to take DD this time, because I didn't want anyone to think I was overreacting. But anyway, all that to say that kids can become very sick, very quickly, and they can recover just as quickly. It doesn't necessarily mean that anyone did anything wrong or is lying about it. Hopefully it was just a one-off thing with your SS, but if the hospital or pediatrician has an online patient portal I would try to get access to it so y'all can read through the charts - that way if BM is lying about what happened, you'll know for sure. Or if it was an illness that could potentially be problematic in the future, you'll have that info too.
Thank you for sharing this
Thank you for sharing this information. Maybe SS developed some fluke respiratory infection like your DD.
Our BM is extremely HC so yes, we tend to be suspicious, particularly when things don't seem to add up or when she over explains everything, like she did this time. BM is usually brief and vague when she is telling the truth, but then writes novels when she is lying. The overcommunication this time around is what threw us off. Unfortunately DH is not able to access SS' medical information. During our court battle last year, the judge ruled that DH could access any medical and school information he wants, as long as it doesn't interfere with BM's sole custody, but BM has refused to provide the names of physicians and medical providers so DH can't seek the information. Since DH doesnt carry SS on his insurance either, we have nothing to go on but BM's word. Also, SS lives out of state with BM, so we don't really have any idea which hospital BM would use.
I would like to believe that BM is always honest and has the best of intentions, even in situations like this, but I have been burned by that mindset too many times with her, so I am always a little cautious and suspicious when stuff like this happens or BM starts to ramp up communication.
Yeah, the weird part is that
Yeah, the weird part is that she's including him. He could have very well had croup or RSV or something. But why would BM be over communicating when normally she says nothing ever. That would worry me too.
BM has refused to provide the
This would make me absolutely crazy. Wtf is wrong with her? My DD's dad has not once logged in to a parent portal of any kind, school, medical, extracurricular... And I doubt he ever will. But I still send him login info for every single thing and contact info for every teacher and doctor she's ever had. Crazy to withhold info like that. And irresponsible!
That is because you are sane
That is because you are sane and trying to coparent.
Oh no, not our BM. Our BM, like many on here, is narcissistic and requires total control over everyone. She provides as little information as possible, but provides just enough to appear "communicative." She will send emails saying "I took SS to the pediatrician for his annual physical; everything looks good" or "I enrolled SS in Football. Practices start x date." It appears communicative but doesn't give DH enough information to locate the source himself.
My DH reached out to SS' school once to be added to the school email list. This was after DH did some investigating to find out the school name. This is how he found out that BM's GF of one year was listed as "Parent/Guardian #2" in the school's system. The school was unaware that SS had a Dad at all. DH corrected the school and asked to receive the emails. The school said it was impossible because both "parent" slots for SS were filled and they couldn't add another contact to the record for emails. The school notified BM that DH reached out and BM flipped a lid and filed contempt of court for "violating BM's sole custody" by trying to access the information. When the judge asked BM why she had a problem with it, BM said that she didn't want DH having access to the school portals because her credit card information is on file for lunch fees and she didn't want DH having access to that information... each parent gets their own portal so that would be a non-issue.
So BM set up a second portal for DH, listing GF's name, but DH's email address. She said "it had to be that way" to ensure both GF and DH got the information, which made no sense because GF's contact information was nowhere on there, just her name. DH argued that GF didn't need the information and if she wanted it, BM should make a joint email account with GF and list that email under BM's portal. DH then went into his portal, changed the name of the account holder from GF to DH, and changed the password, locking BM out of his own personal portal. BM freaked out, but left it alone.
UPDATE: We Facetimed with SS
UPDATE: We Facetimed with SS tonight. We talked to him for 30 minutes. The kid was totally fine and never coughed, sneezed, or sniffled once. When DH asked SS how he was feeling and what he did on his days off from school while he was sick, he got all squirrley, kept diverting eye contact, and avoided the questions. Basically kept saying "I don't know," "I can't remember" and "Yup/Mhm." He seemed so anxious. The second DH changed the topic to literally anything else, SS was totally normal and talked in depth about every topic. DH found that all to be a little odd. Who knows.
THAT makes me think he never
THAT makes me think he never went to the doctor and BM kept him out of school for some other reason. Or SS lied about being sick to get time away from school and BM bought it hook, line, and sinker.
SS is too scared of parental
SS is too scared of parental authority to lie about being sick. He is a terrible liar and usually tattles on himself. I think BM rushed him to the ER for something minor or nonexistant, but BM had to make it seem super serious to justify the ER visit to prevent looking like an idiot. It is likely that BM kept SS home to keep up that image of severity and SS is struggling with lying to DH about being "so sick."