Happy Sunday all.  Some have read my blog/posts.  I imagine there are many other Sparents who got stuck in the past, resented their skids and had no idea they needed to address their relationship with SO/Spouse first.  I had the worst time admitting that I was mad at, hurt by, let down by and at wits end due to my DW.  She is (no cliche for real) my soulemate .  Only a few weeks ago I realized (hey, slow learner at times) that my SS's were not entirely the issue at hand.  It was my DW, it was me as well.  That has lead to a very great deal of interesting/tiring/deep thought processes for me.  The road is long, we still have a great deal of rebuilding from her disertion emotionally with Skids to my frustration/anger/vile outbursts.  That said, let me do part 1 of sharing some positive updates.  Some of my previous posts were rooted in 4-7 years ago.  Fast forward to now and with slowly clearing eyes/heart.  Folks, there is hope and we are strong enough to make it through if we are in a firm/committed relationship.

My now SS23 ... ohhh the pains in the past.  Having my head taken off for saying he was irresponsible, him dirtying every tumbler (literally) in the house then telling DW that I was at fault because I allowed his favorite to grow mold (I was sick of cleaning them and obnviously DW sure did not clean either) to heaing him say 'that man' did nothing but some financial for me (Despite Me being the one who stayed up with him; ran him to the hospital when BD had barely an interest and said OK just let me know ... dude your son is having a serious allergic reaction and is swollen; my foot pressed to the floorboard and did not leave until we got to the ED.  I prayed I could trade places with him, called off, stayed all night because a human is better than the best GE monitors.  Don't even get me started how he treated his mom and I at his wedding.... I could go on, but I layed this out so my fellow Sparents here can appreciate.  Now on to part 1, the positives with YSS here.

Sure, he was a self centered, egotistical jerk.  However, he married young.  His wife (I love my daughter in law as if she was my own daughter) went through hell.  They are really meant for each other for certain.  My DIL was in the service and YSS followed her for her dream.  Their shared dream is a family and they were so excited to be pregnant.  At the end of the pregnancy, DIL was afflicted by a rare (1 in over 220,000 odds) autoimmune condition.  I cannot describe her suffering but suffice to say she is in my book "strongest Avenger".  YSS stepped up like he was training his whole life.  He became and IS an amazing husband and father.  Our grandson was born healthy and happy.  His momma had a long fight to get back to healthy; she is amazing.  My YSS is now the toughest of first responders and has pledged his life to the service of others.  DIL is healthy and doing great. They are Both amazing parents and people.  Due to this rare condition, she can never get pregnant again (almost certain death for the child and likely for her).  Did that stop their big hearts?  No.  They intend to adopt. 

See folks, was YSS horrible to me for a while?  Yes.  I am human, I am flawed to hell and back.  God designed me the same as everyone else and the miracle is we heal. Now that I am moving beyond carrying this baggage, I see with clear eyes and am so happy and blessed.  Do I have a lot of work for me, for my marriage and with my OSS28?  Yes!!  But you bet I am finally in a place where this is possible and also likely to be a success. 

Takeaway:  Please practice self care.  Do not let a substance be a crutch to your very real and intense pain (yep I did and behind me).  Do not see counseling as negative.  A skilled counselor can help you and your partner.  Do not be a doormat -- Trust me at one point, a priest told DW to remove OSS from the house and if he could not function and was homeless, take him love and good meals at the local mens'  shelter.  Eventually Part 2 will be many positives RE OSS but let me say he never was in legal trouble, no drugs or alcohol, etc. It has all been failure to have any adult life skills.  Just the same I do have a ton of positive things to share about him.

My friends, some of you may have been used up so bad that you have to move on with your life.  If you do so, then work to be the best that you can be.  If you are insanely stubborn like me and you feel that love with your spouse/SO then dig in ... fight where it is worth it, talk to your partner until you cannot talk anymore, read and learn, seek counseling for you and together.  Personally, I have my many faults but intend to be a success.