I'd be livid. He's hiding something. I would also take the same amount of money out of joint checking for myself.

I would never agree to manage money for a grown man.  You can both put only what's need for expenses in the joint account, and let him spend the rest as he pleases. As long as the bills are covered, he can be as broke as he wants.

"I'm bad with money" irks me to no end, I don't get it. 

Yeah if I were you I would do what tog says. You have one joint account for expenses and separate accounts of your own.

That is what SO and I do. If we had a mutual everything I know he would never take money out without telling me. I do like we have it set up with one mutual for all expenses for the house and for SS. He has his own checking and so do I for our own personal use as well. It keeps things easy. This way he can buy stuff he wants for himself or for me without knowing and I can do that same.

I would really think about how you want your financial set up to be still.

I think every adult should have spending money.  After contributions to household, savings, retirement, etc., there should be some money that each spouse can spend without asking permission.  I agree, it is terrible when one spouse lies to the other, but you guys need to set up a system that allows some discretionary spending.  

the rest of the money he just blew but can't tell me where he blew said money.

BS. He knows, but doesn't want to tell you. ALL of that cash may have gone to SD. Maybe he's trying to "make up" for your refusal to buy.

I can say with 100% certainity that I trust DH & he's not cheating, drinking, gambling or drugs.

Capp, unless you are 100% aware of every move he makes, you cannot discount any of that. I thought my ex was bipolar. It was a complete shock when he finally confessed to being a cokehead.

This doesn't pass the smell test for me. He's lying about something(s).

Hookers

so...your DH basically told you "don't leave drugs with a drug addict". 

`I would be putting a limit on his cc right now that any purchases over X amount are declined.. (I'm guessing you can do that?).. and from now on DH.. no cash for you.  You get 20 bucks for emergency gas money.. that.is.it.  Because like you say.. "you are bad with money"

Regardless of what he did with the money (and I'd bet he spent it on/gave it to SD), more likely than not he's lying to you about not knowing how it was spent, and then gaslighting you with the "bad with money" stuff. I'd have a hard time trusting him.

I rarely post here because I haven't shared my story BUT here goes.  My H is older than me and his children were mid to late teens when we married.  Due to the fact that he had no problem with using our "joint" money to help his children, loan them money, etc. all the while his children treating me badly, it worked better for me to separate finances.  Thereby I didn't worry about what he was spending.  When he didn't have my income - those gifts, loans, etc. slowed down. 

However, now H is retired.  His 401K is gone, his life insurance is gone (all due to monetary gifts and loans to his children and grandchildren - which of course he has never been repaid) and he only gets SS and a very small retirement.  So, guess who has to cover the lion's share of our expenses?  I did suggest that he get another job to which he informed me that he was retired and didn't have to work.  I am in a community property State so if we separated or divorced, it is entirely possible that he would get a share of my retirement and savings.  I did make him take out a small life insurance plan to cover funeral expenses - he only did that because I told him that if he didn't he be burning (LOL).  I shared all of this to say, when I realized what his spending habits were with my income and without my income, years ago, I should of left.

DH and I have a similar financial set up. We have joint finances, but I am the leader of it, and he can spend whatever $ he chooses, I don't ask questions. I have asked in the past that he lets me know of anyting $100 or more, strictly for budgeting purposes though.

I think you should talk to him about the dishonesty. Let him know that the fact that he did not do what he said he was going to, makes you feel like he's lying or trying to hide something. 

For me it would be a matter of budgeting...if I wasn't expecting TWICE the amount gone from the account, I'd be irritated. Not because DH isn't allowed to spend money, but because if it's a decent/significant amount, I feel like it's just the right thing to do (as a partner) to say something since I'm the person who does the bills/budget.

Sounds like the way you and your DH handle money at your house works just fine for you. What isn't working now is that DH changed the rules, maybe unintententionally, but still, he's given you cause to question what happened to several hundred dollars.

If this is just a one-time thing, I'd have one more conversation with him to tell him how you feel. He broke your trust and he needs to know that. Then no more cash because it didn't work. It was a good idea that you not see the expenses for your gift, but he was too impulsive (or worse) to stick with the plan. And since he's proven himself untrustworthy with that much cash it just won't happen again.

I totally get controlling household finances. Like you, DH and I worked HARD to pay off credit card debt. I'm not going back into that hell hole again, so I watch the money closely. He takes care of other things. It works for us.

Deposit same amount of money DH took for gifts into it.  Now that you are short of money, cut off DH CC for a few months.  Put him on a allowance, and you deposit the same amount into your account. Each week, month. 

Tell him you are really not good with money if he asked any question!!  His DD should not be treated better then you.   He started it, you will finish it. 

To be clear, I'm not opposed to couples designating one of them to manage the money. Perhaps the other one manages the cars or whatever. Both might be capable of it but that's how they divvy it up.

That's not the same as someone saying they are "bad with money" and so need the other person to make sure they don't spend themselves into insolvency. Very different. One is dependent and the other is interdependent.

I worked very hard for years and years while I sacrificed a lot to build up retirement savings. I lived very frugally and never even took vacations.  My DH via inaction let his ex financially rape him and leave him with nothing. 

So no my DH “deserves” nothing more than what I choose to share with him. He now enjoys a great lifestyle which I am happy to share with him.  But I refuse to share one penny with his worthless crotch dropping.