Emancipation Questions.
SD will be 18 in one month. She dropped out of HS a month ago (she was held back last year and so never finished 11 th grade) She started working at a fast food restaurant, and likes her job. She has held down jobs in the past and likes to work. She lives with BM but recently told DH she desperately wants to move out as soon as possible because it's a "toxic" environment. DH filed a petition to terminate CS two weeks ago, via the E-Services on the PA CS DRS website. We live in CA, they live in NJ and the Court Order originated in Philadelphia, PA, where it has remained. DH called to get an update on his petition and found out that BM has indicated on her emancipation inquiry paperwork that SD is "disabled" with no further justification. The lady from DRS said his CS will continue until he files a Petition to Modify/Terminate. (Which he did two weeks ago but apparently they didn't get it) So she recommend he mail it in. We know that they will call a conference so both parties can give evidence as to why each party agrees or disagrees with the disability claim or emancipation. DH can attend via phone but that's going to be really awkward.
We do agree that SD has an emotional dis-regulation problem. (aka BPD Traits.) SD told DH that one Dr. told her she was Bi-Polar 1 and started giving her Abilify. But her most recent therapist said she disagreed with that diagnosis and said she thinks SD's problems stem from learned behavior she learned from BM. (long story) This therapist also sees BM during SD's visit. DH has tried to contact this therapist but she doesn't return his calls. We think the Dr is concerned about confidentiality. Which is understandable.
(Wait there's more) BM also claims SD is still in school working towards a GED. They claim to be enrolling her at the community college at $2,000 per semester to participate in the (30 college credit route to a state issues diploma) BM hasn't asked DH to contribute to this, yet, stating her father is paying the tuition. We highly doubt SD will follow thru with this, nor can we readily check her attendance or grades. It's basically college, so she'll also be earning college units towards a degree. (she'll never pass the ability to benefit test so we're not even sure she'll be enrolled) We'll know by Jan 15th.
Aside from DH's moral obligation to help SD, I don't think DH's should have to pay $ to BM anymore. He can help SD pay for her therapy directly. Maybe, if SD asks nicely and wants to maintain a relationship with him and treat him better, he'll even want to contribute more.
Does anyone know what the PA conference officer will need in the way of proof that SD has a "disability". Is an un-diagnosed personality disorder a "disability"? Is a misdiagnosis of Bi-Polar Disorder a "disability" Doesn't SD need to consent to this? Doesn't the disability need to be such that SD can't work? Does DH need to prove she's not disabled? Or, that her issues do not affect her ability to work. SD is just like BM, and BM has managed to hold down a job. Or is all this on BM to prove. If the disability claim is accepted by DRS, how hard is it to rebut? And lastly has anyone had to continue paying support for the "30 college credit route to GED" in PA, where they don't require CS into college years?
I know we may need to get a lawyer but I hate the idea of giving that money away when it could go to better use helping SD in the near future.
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Will it? Do you think we have
Will it? Do you think we have a strong case with just that?
BM wants her to do this thing. http://education-portal.com/become_a_high_school_graduate_in_new_jersey.... It's a relatively new program. You go to college and get a GED and college credit at the same time. Then fill out this form http://www.state.nj.us/education/students/adulted/forms/DVRequest.pdf and receive a state issued diploma.
We have no idea how long SD will stick with it, or if she'll even get in. She was failing HS and hates school. She went to the counselor to withdraw, and the counselor tipped her off to this program. BM is trying to use it as a way to say she's still working on getting her high school diploma. You know, if we really though SD could do it, or benefit from it then ya, he'd be happy to help. But we think it's just a scam, and BM is using the system to draw things out.
I think BM could argue that SD doesn't do well in school because of her emotional dis-regulation. But the fact is SD hates school. Period. SD does well at whatever she likes to do, like watching TV, partying, snorting her Rx, spending time with her boyfriend, tweeting.
I question that too. I think
I question that too. I think the program is for more mature people who left school awhile ago. (I attached the link above) It's part of Obama's plan for more college graduates. It allows people in college who don't have a ged but who will benefit from college classes. SD couldn't pass Biology or Geometry. I don't know if she'll get in.
It's true that it's hard to get disability thru SSI for an instability disorder, but BM's with golden uterus usually get what the ask for. Isn't that everyone's experience here? It sure is mine. I can't believe what she gets away with.
Opps my comment to your post
Opps my comment to your post is down this thread.. BM had/has crohn's disease....(we don't ask the status) so ya, she probably shit her pants......LOL
That's reassuring, Thanks. We
That's reassuring, Thanks. We even have a text from BM to DH stating that she is making SD work to help with expenses.
Thanks rickyticky!!! That's
Thanks rickyticky!!!
That's so reassuring.
But DH doesn't want to get a lawyer if he doesn't have to. (no offense to lawyers) BM just moved to NJ in August from Denver. (she's a wanderlust) He had a lawyer in Denver. He would have to get a new one in NJ which just seems like a bummer so close to emancipation and it's an expense that we feel is better applied to SD and her needs. He'd rather pay BM CS which ultimately helps SD while she's living there. We know it's just a matter of time before she moves out. I'm worried about the disability claim and how hard it is to prove otherwise. I'm glad to hear a disability claim is hard to establish. It seems odd to me that they would just take BM's word for it and not ask DH for a response. He basically has to petition to contest it. I hope you're right.
You are correct, it's the 30 credit route. It's basically college. That's how I see it too. I hope the conference officer agrees. We hope this doesn't go to a judge. We can't fight it from CA and would rather not hire a lawyer. I think BM knows that and is using it to her advantage. We may just have to get one in the end.
Do you have a code reference for the provision for access to attendance and grades. That would be helpful. Our dispute centers around the fact that we would not have access to those records. If we did, then we would gladly agree to pay while she's going to school full time and progressing towards a diploma. We just think it's absurd for them to expect us to trust them.
Thanks again.
Tog, I was hoping you'd see
Tog, I was hoping you'd see this blog, beware, this may be your future.
Plane ticket and one night hotel =$500
Lawyer retention = $1,200-$1,500
DH's Bank account balance = $2
Anything we spend would be out of my pocket.
I think we're actually going to shut the door on this. DH spoke to SD this morning. He asked if she thought she was disabled. She said no why, and he told her what BM claimed. She was livid and told DH that she was basically already moved out, all her stuff was packed and she's just making trips every so often to get all her stuff, she moved in with her BF. She said she would not give consent for BM to collect disability CS. DH told her he would help her out with her expenses once his CS ends, especially if he doesn't need to incur legal fees. He's going to ask SD to press BM to file the termination paperwork, and revoke the disability claim.