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Let me start my relationship with all of you with a vent. Sorry in advance!

cakamom's picture

Submitted by cakamom on Tue, 05/11/2010 - 11:27pm

Hello, all! So a friend told me about this site and I decided to give it a whirl. I'm a mom of two biological girls (a tween from a previous marriage and a toddler from this one) and the stepparent to an adolescent boy.

I met my husband when my stepson was 1 1/2. He is currently 8.

My husband never told me that the BM was nuts. I'm not saying that to be mean, really, I am completely serious. I've never in my life met someone with so much anger and unethical patterns. She wants to hurt my husband (and the rest of us in the process) and really only hurts my stepson. The worst part is that she is incessant and unrelenting.

Oh where to start? I could probably write an entire manuscript about the "crazy ex" stories. I'm going to pick one thing per post that I could use some grounding on. Today I'll start with medical insurance.

Stepson has a genetic disorder that requires a medical food. The cost is really high and my husband provides insurance to him (and has since birth). We just found out that the child has a secondary policy through medicare - and has for 6+ months. You may think that we should know that, right? well, we should. But the BM obtained the coverage and never told us. We've been paying co-pays and deductibles and the entire time she knew there was additional coverage. We are talking thousands of dollars here. Not chump change.

So, my husband reaches out to her via email (the only way they communicate)and she tells us that we are not entitled to the info. Wow. We ask again and she tells us to go fly a kite. We call the primary medical provider and find out that she has placed a restriction on all of the childs medical records that NO info is to be given to the father without her explicit permission.

It's a control issue with her and always has been. She has something that she knows we want but won't share it. How can she not see that this is not "in the best interests of the child'. Wow. That was my day.

Comments

mermaid33's picture

Submitted by mermaid33 on Tue, 05/11/2010 - 11:33pm

Welcome to the site! I hope we can all be helpful. I am right there with ya... I could write a whole book about the crazy shit that the ex has pulled! That there would piss me off! Yes you and your husband completely had a right to know.

Storm76's picture

Submitted by Storm76 on Wed, 05/12/2010 - 3:05am

Hi & welcome,

I don't understand the whole medical insurance thing (I'm in the UK) but wanted to welcome you to the site & let you know you're not alone!

However, unless she has sole legal custody, I don't see how she can stop your husband accessing his son's medical files - perhaps you need to send them a copy of whatever legal papers you have?

3bk1sd's picture

Submitted by 3bk1sd on Wed, 05/12/2010 - 6:35am

"My husband never told me that the BM was nuts. I'm not saying that to be mean, really, I am completely serious. I've never in my life met someone with so much anger and unethical patterns. She wants to hurt my husband (and the rest of us in the process) and really only hurts my stepson. The worst part is that she is incessant and unrelenting."

In our case it's an SD that's turning out just like her. I have asked DH why he didn't tell me BM was so mentally ill. I would have run but by the time I found out I was already in too deep, lol. I think there are alot of us in this situation.

HennyPen's picture

Submitted by HennyPen on Wed, 05/12/2010 - 7:11am

is there anything in his divorce decree? I know in mine in specifically says that both of us are granted access to any medical or school files and information. I'd pull out those golden papers and read through them with a fine tooth comb. If there is a clause in there regarding each parent not being able to block that information, take them to the doctors office/insurance and show them. They'd have to give him access at that point. just a suggestion.

and welcome to ST! Smile

folkmom's picture

Submitted by folkmom on Wed, 05/12/2010 - 8:25am

ok first thigns first.

do they shar joint legal custody?

is there a custody order stating they share custody?

if yes to the above, make a copy of said order, give to the doctors office. you see, that order trumps what "mom" says and the doctor MUST comply with the court order or you can bring the doc to court.

i find it best when dealing with docs and schools...cut out the middleman(crazy). We deal directly with schools and docs. No mom. Have that trusty copy with "joint legal" and ta da, it is yours for the taking.