Hello everyone. Im going to tell my story and I apologize now if it turns out to be too long. I guess I'm looking for a little encouragement and advise just like everyone else.

My hsb and I have been together for 3 1/2 yrs and have known each other as friends for 8 years prior to that. Before we were married, my daughter and I lived together alone for many years after I separated and subsequently divorced her father. It is a weird relationship! My hsb and I were friends for years and I also previously knew his ex wife as well. Our children played together growing up. So when they divorced and we came together it changed everything. Amazingly though, things have been reasonably good with the new family set up. My daughter lives with us and my step kids come over every other weekend and for a month in the summer. My hsb is currently in the process of requesting custody of my step son as he has asked to live with us and I am 100% ok with it. Up until recently, we have mostly gotten along, a few bumps here and here but nothing out of the ordinary. I get along with my step children, especially ythe 12 yr old. The 4 yr old is trickier, she is very strong willed but even then we mostly get on. I try not to discipline them.

At the end of May we moved to a new house, and since then issue have been arising that were probably there before, but I either never noticed them, or was in denial. May be they are new I dont know. From my perspective, over June (when my step kids were staying for the month) my husband seems to favour his own children over mine. I think he is over compensating for not living with them anymore. I'll explain what I mean. I feel that he is spoiling them, he doesnt follow through with punishments or if they're asked to complete a task it's not 100% completed and theres no comeback. I have to finish the task usually. I think he doesn't want to upset them and is trying to make sure they are more than happy when they are with us. I am ok with wanting them to be happy, but the tables are turned when it's my daughter's turn to complete a task. If she doesnt do something satisfactorily, even something as small as missing a bit of dirt on a fork on washing dishes, he's quick to get frustrated with her and wants to respond with punishment. If I think the punishment is undeserved, he gets upset with me.

An example: We have a new house rule that any eating is done in the kitchen to prevent carpet spillages. My daughter took a drink into her room (it has hard wood floors) and he was very angry and shut off the internet as a punishment. I thought it was an unfair punishment even though she shouldnt have done it, and he got angry with me when I told him so. In contrast, he let my step daughter, who is a lot younger, eat in the computer room with carpet and not at the kitchen table. Consequently, there was a nasty mess of crumbs and sticky spills and no punishment. When I bring this up, I am making a big deal about nothing. I am seeing double standards here..

After this, my hsb said he would not discipline my daughter anymore and I agreed I would handle it. I thought it would get better, but it hasnt. They do not talk. My daughter stays in her room when he is around, he thinks he is a bad step dad and I am in the middle of course. I have not brought up the fact that I think he is spoiling my step kids. I am scared to open that other can of worms. I have tried to get my hsb and my daughter to talk a couple times, but they always go through me to discuss the other one. It's driving me insane. I told them both not to do this anymore, but neither one listened. I am debating sitting down with both of them, but again I'm terrified they'll get ever further apart and I'll bear the brunt of it all. Every tme my daughter comes up in conversation he seems to be very negative about her and this breaks my heart. I told him once and he said that wasnt true, that he was always complimenting her, but I just cant see it.

Last night I had a fight with my hsb as I requested he help me get my daughter to the airport on a weekend we have the step kids. This is didnt go down well as it would have meant he would have to switch weekends and it was apparently too short notice (3 weeks from now) I thought it was enough time, but he complained. I shut down after that and I've been feeling sick to the stomach ever since. The stress levels are high right now. We've barely been speaking all day today. I feel lost and trapped between them. Nothing seems to be working. While they have moments of being ok with each other, its just getting less and less.

Any ideas, even tell me I'm looking through rosey glasses and I'm wrong.. something! I have no one to talk to here. Thanks so much for reading all of this.