We pick her up tomorrow...
So I posted a few days ago about my manipulative step daughter. For as long as I can remember we have had problems with her playing my husband and me against her mother. So, on saturday, once again, we got another phonecall from BM where my SD10 told her that I was talking about the BM. (this happened the day after we returned from a week long vacation at the beach with SD10) We RARELY even bring BM up, and all I can think of is that she may have overheard a coversation my husband and I were having. In any event, my husband and I are pretty much fed up with his daughter constantly going back and forth complaining inbetween households which ulitmately leads to a fight between BM and my husband. Any suggestions on how to address this with SD10 when I pick her up tomorrow?? I do not want to ignore the behavior any longer (even though we have had conversations with her in the past). This needs to stop! Also, BM won't be of any help since she is pyscho! Any thoughts would be appreciated!!!
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We have a standard/stock
We have a standard/stock answer that we give to BM each and every time she calls to tell us that Sd said this, SD feels bad about that, SD doesn't like whatever.
"Ok, well if SD has a problem she knows she can talk to us about it"
and we alter that for every variation of the complaint.
In your case it might sound something like "sorry sd thinks that, she'll have to straighted that out with us when she's here"
we try to diffuse all feedback from BM, she seeks DRAMA!
And I wouldn't address it with SD at all, I think any response will just feed more.
sometimes kids want any interaction between their parents and even fighting is seeing them interacting.
We have ignored it, for 7
We have ignored it, for 7 years! When she was younger, it was expected, and we just let it go. I guess it has just started to wear on me. Especially since we don't even talk about the BM in front of my SD. I believe this phonecall stemmed from a conversation my husband and I were having that SD overheard (10:30 at night and SD was supposedly sleeping) Nothing that was said was terrible, but just enough for her to go to her mom. My husband is even fed up with it, to the point that he makes comments such as "I love my daughter, I just cant stand her sometimes" She will be with us saying how she can't stand her mom and she might want to live with us (oh, and we also just came out of a crazy custody battle, long story!) When she confides in me, I don't really react, I just let her talk. Then she will turn around and tell her mom anything she can to start an argument. Ugh, it's just getting old. I think we are just sick of the petty phonecalls and arguments..I am at a loss...
"Even kids in intact families
"Even kids in intact families will try to play one parent against the other." What????
My Parents have been married over 30 years I as well as my siblings are a "intact" family, and we never played are parents against each other. We know are parents are one force, a team, however you want to look at it, and we did not play our parents against eachother.
Me and Dh's children are considered a intact family and they do not play us against eachother and would be stopped in their tracks if they tried.
I think it might help to make
I think it might help to make it less personal. For example, my son's kindergarten teacher made a point at orientation to tell all the parents, "if you don't believe everything you child tells you about what happens at school, we agree to not believe everything they tell us that happens in your home"
point is kids like to tell stories to get attention, it's not necessarily personal.