I have been struggling with this concept, or lack thereof, in regards to SD8. I can't really disengage, since she lives here 70% or more, and what she does while here affects me and my family. SO and I had a big blowup about 6 weeks ago about him thinking that I "don't care about SD, don't like SD, don't spend time with SD..."etc. So I had been making more of an effort when it occured to me that I am only supposed to be "mom" when it's convenient or welcomed. I am supposed to referee fights, clean up and do laundry, cook, read stories, care about her day and what she does in school, help with homework, pretend I care how her weekend @ BM's house went, and so on. But I do not get to participate in or attend parent/teacher conferences or school events. I do not get a say in her medical issues, ie, she is almost NINE and has never been to a dentist or an eye doctor, she CLEARLY has issues relating to her mom walking out on her as a toddler as well as issues with her school work and (most likely since both her bioparents have it) ADHD. But I am not supposed to take an interest in that and when I do I get brushed off, just trust SO and deliquent BM to take care of it... or NOT! I don't see how this situation works. It seems unfair and unreasonable, or is it just me?