Love is Patient, Love is Kind
--Corinthians

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want any other woman in my marriage. But, the reality is…there is another woman. It’s my stepchildren’s mom. Whenever they are in our home, their mom is here too in some fashion. I know the sooner I accept it, the sooner I will have serenity but it hasn’t been easy.

While trying to have serenity one day, I was relaxing by my newly finished built-in pool with my DH & SD who I rarely see. I was enjoying mellow music and a refreshing summer cocktail when sd’s cell phone rang. “It’s mom.” Instead of keeping the conversation to herself, she relayed everything “mom” was saying to “dad.” Right away, I growl inside. I want to yell out….”Your Dad and I don’t give a hoot what concert your mom is going to this evening.” Can’t you see we are spending quality time here…and we don’t want her here too!” But instead I just took another sip and the peaceful feeling I had was gone. I allowed “the other woman” to affect my frame of mind. The dive under water enabled me to miss the rest of the conversation but my mood was altered and I will never get that day back.

Next summer, I am going to try so very hard to change my attitude and be happy that my stepdaughter cares enough about her mom to be excited about her plans. If she shares them with us, it’ll be okay and is not the end of the world.

Moral: I love my SD…I love when she’s happy. I don’t ever want her to feel like I don’t care about her mother. I need to be patient with her because she has no idea she was insensitive to my feelings; I have to remember she’s just a kid! Even adults are clueless sometimes so how can I expect her to behave any differently?

Todays’ Reminder:
Today I need to remember that we ALL have the power to be serene despite anything that is going on around us. It’s our choice as to how we perceive something and how we react to it. Today I am not going to let anyone stand in my way of being loving and kind to my blended family.

Nothing Changes, ‘til Something Changes
--- Anonymous

For two years I listened to my husband refer to his ex-wife as “mom” when speaking to his children. “What did “mom” think about that?, What time is “mom” coming to get you? etc. And, every time I heard things like that, I felt like I got punched in the stomach. Why? Because when I heard it, if felt as if he was referring to “mom,” as his other half. It seemed to me like it linked them together as a couple. As a result it made me feel like she was wife, and I was the mistress in this relationship.

In reality, I knew it meant nothing to him and he phrased it like that for his children, but it didn’t matter. It still hurt every time I heard it. I was afraid to speak with my husband in fear of seeming insecure, petty or something else that he’d consider an undesirable character trait.

But, finally after trying to just accept it and deal with the feelings it arose in me, I confided in him. I asked him if he could please say the same sentence including the word “your” in front of mom. The same sentence now was heard like this: What did your mom think about that? What time is your mom coming to get you? And, guess what? I didn’t feel my stomach tighten and hubby has agreed to use the word “your” before mom.

The Moral: I’ve learned to trust my husband. I know that he does truly love me enough to consider my feelings and will try to accommodate me when he can on issues that matter nothing to him. Does he still screw up and forget to use the word “your” in front of mom, when referring to her…Yes. But, he’s trying for my sake and that feels wonderful!

Daily Reminder: Please help me to remember that my husband is not a mind reader. It is unfair to him, to keep things inside until the boiling point. I trust that when he can accommodate me, he will. There are times when he can’t, and during those times, I will than have to work on changing my attitude and how I react if I want serenity.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
---Eleanor Roosevelt

The first time I attended a function with my husband’s ex-wife present, we were still engaged. I had knots in my stomach, in anticipation of how the day would go. Everything went smoothly until she reached over and wiped lint off my fiances jacket. Although she didn’t do it in a flirtatious manner, I was taken back that she would take the liberty of doing that at all. She did it in such a casual, familiar way that made me so very uncomfortable. At that moment, I felt inferior. She was “the wife.” And I was not.

I was impressed however with how I handled it outwardly. I just gave my little smirky, friendly smile and said nothing. Inside however, I entertained thoughts of reaching out my left hand (the one with the rock) to swat her arm off his jacket. ( There’s more to that vision, but I’ll leave it at that.)

Moral: There are two lessons I learned. One, the anticipation of going to a function is far worse than the actual event. I regret the amount of hours I spent agonizing and projecting about the day. It was just wasted moments. The second is that it was my own fault that I felt inferior. I should have had the confidence to just do the famous “eye-roll” and let it go. Instead I didn’t say a word the rest of the day and behaved like I felt: like a shrunken violet.

Today’s Reminder: Today I will not allow myself to be intimidated by other’s attempts at putting me in a place of uncertainty. I know my place ---- it’s beside the love of my life, holding my head high.