Over the 30 years, BM and I had a rocky relationship, I won't lie to you. I did not meet her until East Texas and I had been married three years. Part of the reason was because we moved to South America shortly after we married.

I met her in my home and, yes, I fully understand how some of you feel about BM coming into your home for I felt the same way. I had no idea I was so territorial. :O

She would be great for a while and then, bam, psycho BM would appear. I think part of this was because she never got over her guilt from the divorce. Kinda like she didn't want him but she didn't want anyone else to have him either.

I will give her kudos in that she always, always did the right thing for her kids. She and East Texas almost always presented a united front over grades, attitudes, etc. They could (and did) fight like cats and dogs behind the scene (WHY did he marry her?) She was gracious and included me in the parenting of her children, too. For you see I had charge of her children for 3 months at a time in a foreign country.

Over time we grew comfortable (I think that is the right word) with one another. I think she was doing her best and she saw I was doing my best. The jealousy would sometimes flare but all-in-all we each managed to find our place in our family.

As she aged, she developed adult onset diabetes. She did nothing to change her diet and developed end stage renal disease and went on dialysis. After 5 years or so, she needed a quadruple bypass and the skids agreed to have this done. Don't ask me why because she was a high risk case even going in. East Texas and I were there with the skids and her family for the surgery and some of the days afterward. She spent 45 days in CCU and was then transferred to a skilled nursing facility. She spent 3 months there and then was transferred to a nursing home to live out the few short months left to her.

During the time she was in a nursing home, East Texas also had a bypass. Poor skids, right?

Anyway, she was in dialysis one day when they found her unresponsive. She had suffered a massive heart attack and no one knew just how long she had been unconscious. She had given her daughter power of attorney over her finances and her son power of attorney over her medical care. About 6 weeks before her heart attack she had a long conversation with SS in front of East Texas spelling out in detail her final wishes.

After we got the call from SS, we drove to her town and were with the skids as SS made the painful decision to remove her from the vent. Well, low and behold she woke up and spent an afternoon talking and laughing with her kids. SS got to hear her refuse dialysis 3 times before the end came.

We were there with the skids the entire time along with BM's family. We sent the skids home and stayed with the body until the funeral home arrived. Went to the funeral and did everything we could to support skids and their Mother's family. Her family was loving and generous to us both not only because they really like East Texas but, in my case, because they have seen that I love their niece and nephew.

Afterwards, we dealt with a huge, huge amount of anger both skids had towards BM. About 10 months before BM passed, I lost both my parents 3 weeks apart and the skids were right there for me.

While BM was in the nursing home she up and told SD that she was adopted - which is true. At the time the Princess was 35 and had no clue. East Texas had never wanted to tell her but BM was right to do so. Unfortunately, she was on so many meds it didn't make sense. SS called and asked East Texas if this was true and after a bit of hesitation he told SS yes. Next question from SS was "am I adopted?" No you are our birth son. He then called the Princess and told her over the phone but we also drove over there a couple of days later and had a long talk. Of course she asked me "Did YOU know?" Yes, I did because we were having fertility issues of our own. That seemed to both upset her and make her at peace at the same time.

So we dealt with that mess, too. East Texas is a very loving parent and handled it beautifully.

Fast forward a few years and we now come to today. BM is very rarely talked about and I think both skids still have anger issues towards her. I think (but can't prove) she engaged in a bit of PASing when they were younger so they can run hot/cold when it comes to East Texas.

Of course, the little flower is treated with contempt one moment and "I LURV you sooooo much" the next. What else is new?

As for me, I feel very much watched and judged now but that could just be me. When SS and wife were married 4 months after BM's death it was very awkward. SS did ask me to participate in the wedding in lieu of his Mother so that was nice. After the birth of his son, however, I see moments of wistfulness and his son calls me "Grandma."

I also witnessed a change in the Princess. Before BM's death I was called "Grandma" to her three children - now she constantly refers to be as "Grandma Bluebonnet." Whatevah!

I did what I could to support them (and East Texas because it was very hard on him, too) and I'm glad I did. Yes, I am disengaged from them now and yes she sometimes (often) made my life miserable but the fact of the matter is I did it for him - not for her, not for her kids but for him. I love him and by default I love his kids because they are part of him.

During all of these years, someone had to be the adult in this dysfunctional family full of dysfunctional folks. I hope that someday my skids will see that I truly tried my best.

Whether they ever fully come around or not is entirely up to them. When the day comes that I meet my Maker I believe I can well and truly say "I did my best."

Isn't that what matters in the end? I think so.