Just feeling like throwing in the towel
Bad morning. Guess I'm wearing my heart on my sleeves, but I'm just tired of nobody wanting to give anything back.
My son has been here a week and a half. Which I thought was great, originally. Thought we were so close, thought it'd be just great...The first week, he took a day and finished painting the ceiling in the living room, that I had already done half...and I was happy to have it done. He then took his gf out of town so she could get to job interviews. All great. But the rest of the time, he's spent each and every day driving over to his fathers farm (about an hour from here) helping his father. Comes here at nite, eats, watches TV and goes to bed.
What's wrong with that? There are so many things I could use help with-things I'm not strong enough and don't have time to do right now, with class. But he's out the door every day, cause poor ole dad needs help. Poor ole dad. The one who got our lovely home in the divorce. The well off man who could, if he wasn't so tight, hire help for anything he wants done. I wouldn't mind some of it-but I feel pretty used, pretty convenient right now. I feel like the last person I thought was in my corner, really isn't.
So i told my son how I feel, this morning. He just kindof looked at me-like, well, what do you want done? I told him before what needed done with his help...so screw it. I just feel like saying I don't need anybody. Everybody just get the f away. I'm done doing for all of you-H, skids, even bs-because you all want to take take take and no one wants to give back, not when it comes to me.
I just hurts that he's so eager to go help his dad-who can afford anything he wants-but I have to push and shove to get any help at all. Like I am a nothing. BS doesn't much like H. And that's fine. But when I told him (bs) that we were getting married, his response was "It felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders". Because he was so afraid of ending up having to help me in my old age. If he'd really talked to me about what he truly thought of H, it probably would have made a huge difference in my life today. Thought I was doing the right thing by marrying, thought it had his blessing. Not so much.
Ok. Just feeling sorry for myself, and to be honest, used. Of course, I'm in the mode of being sick of being used because of H and the skids, so am really sensitive on the subject.
I just don't want to care about anything, anyone right now. Because I really feel, deep down, it's never recipricated, and never will be. Just so tired of it all.
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Sorry to hear you're feeling down
It seems like it comes with the territory of being a woman...we always give to those around us but end up being on the short end of the stick when we need help. I would feel very hurt and used, too. I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better, but know that I totally sympathize and empathize with you. I think part of it may also be the stress you're under with school, your H, SD's, etc. It certainly doesn't make it any easier for you...it's like a giant stone that's weighing you down.
I'm kinda going through a rough time, too. Those who I though would be most supportive are being the least supportive...I am disappointed and hurt and feel like I'm on the verge of losing my family because of my decision to give my husband a second chance.
Such is life. We can't control other people's actions, but we can control our reactions.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Sasha
bw I am right there with ya
I just had a come to jesus meeting with my youngest bioson who still lives at home stb 20 when he is not working his PART time job(he does pay rent) he is sitting in front of his computer playing games, the final straw for me was when I called him and specifically asked him to take my little 8 yr long hair Chihuahua out when he got home cuz I was going to be late, i got home and he did not do it 5 MINUTES that was all I asked, so i told him that he is on thin ice, next time he is out the door.
It hurts that he sees I work all day and can not take a minute to say Hey how can I help mom out..so mom will tell him.
I am there with ya BW!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
And, I am with BOTH of you, SarahB and BW
SarahB....major reason for the rift with my STB24 yo bioson....same thing; just expected to be able to do what he wanted, and I was just gonna pay his bills. His nose has been majorly out of joint since Sept. when I told him NO MORE (he now lives with my enabling mother who has picked up where I left off)
BW...I can only speak for myself here, but I know I am in a funk over this weather. It is SOOO COOOLD here in PA, and there's no let up in site. I am sick of nearly breaking my neck on ice; if it melts, it freezes up again soon....sigh....I am totally a SPRING person. I want flowers, birds, frolicking in the grass....whee!
My son no longer talks to his dad, either, for the same reason. No more free rides. So, in essesnce, he has no use for either parent because they won't let him walk all over them any more. Maybe your bioson is getting "hand outs" over with daddy-poo and that's the reason for his being there so much.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
Oh, he's not getting hand outs from his dad
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
I asked. I said "is your dad paying you for the work your doing"-dad has plenty of $$$$, but is a tite fisted SOB. Nope. Nothing. His dad's excuse? It will screw up his taxes. Bull. Plain bull.
BS in on temporary layoff from work, which is why he is here-they'll call him back. So he does have a job, does pay his own bills, etc. Guess I'm just feeling unloved, unappreciated, that he would spend EVERY day helping dear ole dad, who pulled every trick (successfully) in the book to get out of child support when I was raising BS. I'm actually glad he is caring-but why can't he point it this way once in awhile? Two years ago he busted his behind to help me move...and I haven't forgotten that. But there are things, best left unsaid, the he put me thru, where I was the only one who gave a damn, the only one there for him when he needed someone the most. And it was hell. This went on from age 21 till he was about 24. And there were times I thought it would kill me.
Then, to make things even worse, H screaming at me over a late charge on a bill. The bill had a late charge (which they have waived as I am usually very prompt) because H TOLD ME to hold the bill until payday (except we had plenty in checking to pay it immediately). So rather than fight him over it, I did what he said-and ended up getting screamed at over it. Bad enough I just started crying-something I am loathe to do, because crying is such a show of weakness.
How can I learn anything under these circumstances? I freaking hate my life....more pity party.
Oh crayon. Just kick em to the curb & concentrate on you.
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Got my hair done yesterday-and the hairdresser (close friend of mine) had someone come in-her brothers gf. Now, this lady has kids-2 oldest girls live with her. (in their 20's). my friends brother lives with her. He pays her a measley $200/mo rent. No food, no utilities. Guess he does a little fixup labor, but that's it. Then calls her d's names (f**king pigs, etc).
My friend and I neither understand why she lets him live with her.But I will tell you, that if any man ever dreamed of calling my sons those names, in my home, he'd be out on his ass. But what I can't understand-this woman is by no means wealthy-is why she lets him get by with only contributing $200/month. He's good looking, but NOT THAT good looking.
Go figure.
F@#K THEM ALL BW!
Do you think if DH wasn't in the picture that your BS would be different? Does he know that DH is a wOrthless piece of shit that needs a good bitch slapping or does he think that DH is helping you and that's why BS is helping his dad?
You have been through so much and then to feel like you have been abandoned by the most important people in your life would hurt and suck.
I know you are much stronger than to let this effect you and throw you off track. You are on the road to a better education which will lead to a much better life that you deserve, so don't throw in the towel, that's what H wants, to see you give up and give in, DON'T give him that satisfaction.
YOU CAN DO IT!