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Its Bloody Father’s day and I’m excluded again

belle_27's picture

Submitted by belle_27 on Sat, 09/04/2010 - 7:50pm

In Australia our fathers day is in September, of course BM refused to help kids buy a present for there Dad or make any effort. So i stepped in and helped them make a card and get a few things for there dad they are only 7 & 10.. it they wrapped it and it was really fun and nice for bonding.

Its not our weekend but BM dropped them off to spend a few hours here with us. i made everyone a big cook up breakie and it was a really lovely morning.

we have a new shopping centre opening today and this 3 level lolly shop & the kids wanted to see it all and spend a few hourse there because DH company built it.. So as i am cleaning up the kitchen the kids got all excited about leaving for the lolly shop... i am trying to bond with the kids and try and not feel like a outsider and DH knows this and i have said a few times now i want to be included.

so as they are all racing out the door and im of course stuck with the mess and i get a half assed invite to come along! its fathers day and trying to get close to the kids its so pathetic i don’t even get a invite to go to some stupid lolly shop, i feel so crap i cant even be remembered or thought of.. i dont want to just invite myself along.. maybe i should?

grrrrr i just feel its those 3 and its just me as the afterthought.. the pity vote, this is so much harder then i expected to try and feel like my home is even my home sometimes

Comments

belle_27's picture

Submitted by belle_27 on Sat, 09/04/2010 - 8:13pm

i know DH isnt trying to do it to make my feel bad or anything, he just doesnt think sometimes and realise how hurtful it is.

its just they all get excited to bounce out the door and go ohhh yeah.. do you want to come as well! like i am in this family too i should of had the first invite.. maybe im being childish?

from now on i will take your advice and be more assertive, the skids and i do get along they good kids and i like but them its just hard thinking you are taking steps forward and then taking 2 back..

thanks for your advice is makes sense if i just come along they will hopefully think me not coming along is strange..

belle_27's picture

Submitted by belle_27 on Sun, 09/05/2010 - 4:24am

thanks stepaside, the actually strange thing is the skids actually like me.. they do make a effort to show me what they have done at school and about there basketball game etc. Ww are building our little relationship and they are pretty cool with step parent situation .. in there class there are only 3 kids who parents are stll on there first marriage!

its more about DH, he just doesnt get the fact i feel excluded and he thinks everything is perfect and our little family unit is perfect!

i was off to my fathers day lunch in the care and burst into tears!!! we had a big talk and i think he is getting the point i do need a invite to some things and he needs more effort into things because he thinks i wont enjoy boring lolly shops or kids clothing etc..

but i will step back and try not take it personally

SammyJo58's picture

Submitted by SammyJo58 on Sat, 09/04/2010 - 10:24pm

I second StepAside's advice - I've been where you are 20 years ago - and here I am today still being unappreciated and ignored.

Don't try so hard. But don't get walked on either. And most of all, remember that you ARE a good person.

belle_27's picture

Submitted by belle_27 on Sun, 09/05/2010 - 4:26am

hahaha thanks for the laugh, i need to borrow some of those T-shirts from you!!!

i think all the advise is not to try so hard and just not take it personally.. they are kids and dont understand what they do will hurt us so deeply!

SammyJo58's picture

Submitted by SammyJo58 on Sat, 09/04/2010 - 11:23pm

Don't feel too bad either ....... in my case as an adult SD, for the 10 years they were together before he passed away, my father chose to spend Father's Day not with me - his only bio child - but with my step-mom at a Casino. That was his was of celebrating father's day. For 40 years we were as close as any father-child could be.

I just wish once my step-mom had encouraged my dad to spend some time with me on Father's Day. It would have meant the world to me. Now all I have is the memories of those special days we did get to spend together.......and visits to his graveside on Father's Day.

cleo's picture

Submitted by cleo on Sun, 09/05/2010 - 12:07am

I dont want to sound mean or anything, but you are young and have your whole life in front of you. I have always told my sisters, if I could give them one piece of advise it is to start and finish a family with one man. It is hard enough to be a parent, but raising someone elses kids is nearly impossible. Keep a journal write down how you feel in it. If in 2 month or 6 months things are still the same, they probably arent going to change. Keep your head up.

belle_27's picture

Submitted by belle_27 on Sun, 09/05/2010 - 4:30am

thanks cleo, i know i have my whole life infront of me and i think what keeps me sane is that i do have a big life outside of this and i try not to hard to really let it hurt me, just bad days like this i wish it was easier!

dh and i had a big chat and he understands now how i feel and just thought i knew i was always invited and since i am young he thought going to lolly shops or kids clothes shopping wouldnt be my thing and thought it was more of a chore.. so he now gets i want to come along and enjoy the family side... but his skds do actually like me so its just about communication!!