So my story started about 3 yrs ago. I was recently split up from my husband...and still am today. It was my decision as I couldnt live the way he wanted to live...end of story.
I have 3 children of my own...2 boys...20&18 and a daughter who is almost 10.Only the daughter is by my ex...as I had my children way to young
I met this man I am now with today. When I first met him he was split up again from his childrens mother. They were never married. But they did have 2 or should I say one together...as she left once after they were together for 2 yrs and came back pregnant with the daughter who he raised and is still raising on his own.
My bf...he lives here with me...with my daughter and his 2 are here all the time. So when we met they were split...needless to say for a year after we met she left and moved back in I can't even count anymore the number of times over a year it was like every 2 months and sometimes less then that. I dropped out the picture everytime she was back and went on with my life meeting other people but it was something that always held him to me. I wanted to let go but I didn't but I did the big thing and never called him I just sit back and waited because the situation with her was never going to change....she was a user, a pill popper...she would come back to him when she wore her welcome out anywhere else because she knew he would always take her back because he wasnt gonna let his kids live on the street.
August 2008...almost a year after I met him....he got custody of his kids...because she didnt keep a premanent home and didnt have job. He had been living with me since July of 2008. So needless to say his kids came to live here too. She got them every weekend from Friday at 6 to Sunday at 6....the first weekend she got them she told their daughter that he wasnt her father..she was only 8 at the time...and she would make up stories telling her this man was going to come see her but he was to scared to meet her right now...it was all to make her not like her dad...and she told us this story when she came back...she just blurted out in front of everyone hey dad I gotta tell you something...your not my dad...mom told me who he is...blah blah. Mom at this time was living with her ex husband..who she had a son with that is now 18 with 2 drug felony charges on him...and he just turned 18 on August 21,2010...sad...like mother like son. Then mom ends up with her ex husbands brother who is married.
Their mom died in a car accident October 28th 2008! She was out on a Tuesday night with her ex husbands brother and some other man...all of them drinking and high...and they decided to go rip this car the man had....She was in the backseat..she died at the scene....the driver..her ex husband brother died too and the other man lived but messed up.
To go back a little...my bf...his mother also died when he was 5 from cancer...when he was growing up..his dad beat his mom and he remembers some but not all...dad had different women but been with the same one now and married 2 her for the last 24 yrs and they had a daughter together. But this woman never tried to be a mother to the boys...my bf and his bro. (I know all of this past info from my bf and all of his family and friends...so I am just not hearing all this from him)So they never had that mother in their lives I guess you can say.
My bf has never had a decent woman in his life I guess you can say..he really only had 2 long term gf's and both were screwed up the first one ended up in jail as where he would take her things to the jail etc..they went different ways...she had 2 kids that she doesnt have either of them and the other is handicapped and her brother has him.
So back to the real issue....He has been living with me since July of 2008...but never gave up his place until about a year ago..he never went back and stayed there but didnt give it up..I figured it was many things..either he didnt want to go there cause some of her stuff was still there..not alot just things that didnt mean anything to her..cause all the rest never came back when she would leave and come back...to many memories i guess you could say...or it could be he didnt have faith in us to give it up...so he had something to fall back on...but anyway in 2009 he gave it up.
Now I know that losing a parent has got to be one of the worst things in the world..besides losing a child...I have lost neither so I cant relate...
The kids mom died almost 2 yrs ago....kids have done such a big change and I have seen alot of changes in him....example...living with her...he drank from the time he got off till he came home long enough to shower and pass out hoping she was asleep so he didnt have to fight...and he did this for many many years...so the only parenting figure they had was their mom and that wasnt much...it was more of a bash your dad kind of parenting...be their best friend so that they loved her and hated him. But just because she was there and just because everytime she up and left their dad she took them didnt make her a good parent...you gotta show your kids respect so they give respect you gotta show them about life...her way of showing them life was shooting up..which their daughter says she seen her do!
So here we aer 2 yrs after this woman is out of their lives...I know I know someone will say...but she was still their mom...I understand this but it was negative all the same. These kids are not the same people they were...They go to school everyday they do pretty good there....so what is the problem you ask
The father...my bf!!!! When they first started to live with us and school was in those kids called home at least 2 times a week for something...till I said no more...and we worked through that till they dont call anymore unless the nurse knows they have a fever ...this came from their mom letting them stay home all the time just cauase she didnt want to get them up...or cause they pretended to be sick..so when they came here it was like they didnt know how it felt to go to school all week.When his daughter and son came here to live it was okay. I treated them like my own and still do. But the daughter....OMG! She steals...she will lie to your face just for the sake of lying...she has no respect for herself or anyone else for that matter. Let me just say...if her dad keeps letting her go as she is...I see her pregnant young...I see her in with the worst of crowds. I see bad bad things in her future and I feel powerless to stop it.
So she is 10 will be 11 in Jan. 2011, since I have known her (since 8)she has stolen from me & my daughter and her brother. She has written on the walls,she has broken things she cuts up my daughters stuff, she has called kids a b**ch in school,she can't keep a friend for more then a month...it seems she has a new best friend every other week,its like she loves to see her dad and I fight(why I dunno cause that is all she seen when her mom and dad were together...i would think she wouldnt like it)she has peed in the bed at 10...doesnt have a bed wetting problem though and left it there all day then when it was bed time she came into the room where her father and I were at and said ummm dad(with her hand on her hip)my bed is soaking wet and i dont know why!!!!!! well smell it duh...its piss! She has stood outside and peed her pants just cause she was afraid her friends (for the day) would play with someone else if she went in to use the bathroom. She lies and tells people im mean to her...yeah im mean if making you behave yourself is mean...if making yourself have self respect and being decent is mean...then im mean. She sneaks up at night and does things she isnt suppose to do..she knows the rules just like the other 2 kids in this house but chooses to do whatever she wants to do, my pet peeve...no painting nails in the house...gives me big headache even I go outside when I paint my own...she was using the light of her tv one night around 10 when she was suppose to be sleeping...to paint her nails in bed...and when i appeared in the door way she drops the brush on her bed and covers her toes...have a timer on the tv now..it goes off at 9...she has on many occasions changed the timer or gotten back up to cut the tv back on! Those are just the top of the iceberg.
As for her father...he doesnt know how to parent PERIOD. He never had to and his way of parenting is yelling at her...which she yells back and stomps around the house and kicks walls and hits things if you try to make her behave...yet he doesnt like my daughter..cant seem to stand when she comes around....her father and I share custody she is with him on Tues. & Thrus nights and every other weekend so its like pins and needles when she is here...okay she is a good kid she isnt mean to other, she doesnt steal and she doesnt lie to you...for the most part maybe a white lie but nothing that hurts anyone else...she is a whinier but getting better at this since I stay on her about it and she is a tattle tail but most of what she tattles about is if she thinks the other child is doing soemthign she shouldnt or has said something she shouldnt....she is a sweet kid...everyone loves her...not like the other one its like people hate to see her coming...so why does this man not like my daughter...as a matter of fact he would be happy if none of my kids were here only his...he for years has told me he doesnt like how my boys talk to me etc...yet he lets his daughter talk to me the same way!!!!!
So right now I have slept on the sofa the last 3 nights...why because I refuse to push all this under the rug anymore and not talk it out and come to some reasoning. I will not neglect my child anymore to make his happy. It isnt my fault or his or his kids or my kids or anyone elses fault there mother isnt here...ITS HER OUR FAULT! So he cant live and let his kids live the rest of their lives like poor poor them...they have to grow up and face the real world some day!
So I will end with example of this weekend which started on Friday evening....the 24th
His son...who is 13 got a bad midterm so he got his cell taken away(he pays for it) I dont agree with him having it since we didnt give him permission...he bought a prepaid text only phone...anyway his dad took away from him till grades come up on report cards..but it left it laying on the kitchen counter...ummm hello...it needed to be in our room out of sight so he wouldnt be tempted to pick it up and use it when no one was home(after school) and a few minute before school. Well I looked at it the other day and seen that someone had been texting on it in the mornings. Well his son leaves for the bus before 7 but daughter and father are here till 8. I leave before this with my daughter for school. (his daughter and son go to different school then my child because he wanted them to stay in this one school because they had already been moved from school to school with their mom)So I tell him about it...well we think it was the son using the phone...at this time we hadnt checked the times..needless to say it was his daughter...she was getting up while dad lay in bed watching tv getting ready for schoool and cut the phone on and texted people..nothing mean just a hey or so or whatever but it was the point of the matter she was once again touching something that didnt belong to her. So instead of calling her in from outside playing he was gonnna let her stay outside till dark as normal which was 4 hours later..i said no she needed to come in now...but before we called her in my sister texts...she lives right up street...my child was over there playing with her kids...well i knew this...well his daughter with out permission goes over there too...which meant we didnt have a clue where she was thought she was still at neighbors house....so my sister says that his daughter just came over here and said omg your mom is so worried about you she doesnt knwo where you are....LIE!!!!!! So i told my sister to send his child home....when she gets here he ask her about the phone...which she lied....so I ask her what she told my child...she said nothing....then changes that to oh yeah i told her I(as in her) was worried about her cause she didnt know where she was...LIE! so he tells her she is lying sends her to her room....then makes me text my sister to see if she heard her say that!!! ummm your now believing a child over an adult umm HELLO! then in the room..his daughter yells yes she was outside..she was listening...always does...to everything we say. So she lies to cover lies and put her hands on something that wasnt even hers...which isnt the first time....this kind of things happens way to much...WELLLLLLL ...because i kept going on about how things had to change with her...he decided...both the other 2 were gonna be punished to......ummm for what just cause your queen is in trouble...nope I dont think so....and it was like a lightbulb moment for me....ENOUGH!
I think and I have told him he is raising his child to be just like her mom...a liar, a user, a disrepectful having to account for nothing pain in the neck...and I dont want a part of that
Help....I hate this child but love this man...yes hate is to strong a word but she makes me sick to look at her and it makes me sick to know she will be the reason we split but cause he will never choose me over her...i dont want him to give her up but he has got to do something