Step mother...primary guardian.
I have been with my husband for almost 8 years. His ex was pregnant at the time of the beginning of our relationship. They had a daughter.
6 months after her birth he got her pregnant again (woe is me, right?!)
So she then had their second daughter.
Ive stayed with him all of this time. His daughters are almost 7 and 8.
I have been in their life for all of it.
They also were always with their mom. Me and their dad got them on the weekends. We both worked nights together for the majority of our relationship. In 2016 we had a baby of our own. He went to days, I stayed on nights and it was simply too much to handle for me emotionally so we swotched our schedule. Flipped it. He is now on nights and I work days. The problem with this was..2 weeks after I went to day shift, their mother decided she didnt want to keep them any more. She got pregnant with her new boyfriend and wanted to get her life together (mind you, she is 25, no liscence or car has always lived with her mom or whoever she was dating at the time. Never had a job ect ect)
Now...I am the sole parent. Their mom sees them every other weekend. Their dad still works nights. Its just me to get them up ready for school (their dad comes home in time to drive them to school) but I come home from work as soon as they get off the bus...and he goes to bed. Im resposible for all of them. Their homework,their dinner,their fun times,their boo boos so on amd so forth. All along with trying to raise an almost 2 year old of MY OWN.
I feel selfish and underappreciated. I feel negligent to MY OWN CHILD. I feel torn apart and miserable. Im trying to do a good job...but its hard. Even when their dad is home the girls only know me as being their disciplinary or care taker 
. They won't listen to him. Its like they just see him as just a body who happens to sleep in the corner room. I FEEL DRAGGED DOWN by the weight of feeling like a single parent to 3 kids and a failure.
We work at the same place and we have gone back and forth so much over our scheduals after our son was born. But had I known the very moment I do whats best for me mentally, emotionally by going to days..id be thrown this curve ball of a full time mom of THREE. The girls love me, and I love them. But I just dont know what to do. My son is not even 2 and is acting out. The oldest SD has severe adhd and slightly behind on the maturity level, her and my son just dont seem to mix well. She isn't understand how to deal with him and she is short tempered..so he in turn lashes out and is short tempered with her. The almost 7 year old is the only help I have..she is more responsible and she loves her brother. She helps with little things. But its a lot on her and I feel bad because this shouldnt be put on her wither. This whole thing is a mess. I literally feel torn and broken.
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you've lost me at... your DH
you've lost me at... your DH getting his ex pregnant while in relationship with you..... then you still had a baby with him, and he still puts his responsibilities on you... why do you allow him to use you like this..
simply tell him, no more, no more night shift for you, these are your children either you or BM will take care of them, I'm not their mother it's not my responsibility
I️ have a feeling this all
I️ have a feeling this all started when they were in high school. Since the BM is only 25 with an 8 year old, I’m thinking high school drama.
Our BM is 25 with an 8 year
Our BM is 25 with an 8 year old. It was def high school drama, and an anchor child so she could get military benefits... Dependa... Gotta love when teenagers don't think those things through. lol... I laugh, because otherwise I start evaluating how big of an idiot my DH must have been as a teen. lol
I have worked shift work most
I have worked shift work most of my life and I have known many parent who worked nights and manage to care for their kids during the day. They slept when the kids were at school and managed a nap in the evening before work. Yes it is hard on the body - but these parents managed and so could your DH. You need to step back and make him parent. When he is home and awake he needs to be the primary caretaker for his children, not you.
I'm sorry, but I can't help but comment on the beginning of your post. You were together, and he was unfaithful with his ex? Has your relationship always had that dynamic - he treats you wrong and you forgive? Perhaps that dynamic is what is happening here - he expects you to care for his children, so you do, even if it hurts your life.
He got his ex pregnant while
He got his ex pregnant while with you and now dumping them on you?
I'm confused...why are you still with this unfaithful POS?
So I know TONS of stepparents
So I know TONS of stepparents aren't willing to do what you're doing. I don't have one of my own, but I am the primary caretaker of my 2 Skids. The trick is having your husband realize that you have limits, and moments where you completely hit wits end. I love the Skids, BM didn't have much to do with them (expect playing the "woe is me I'm a single mom" card, while pawning them off on DH or her parents...) So no one was really super surprised when 5ish/6ish months ago she ditched them completely with DH and I (she has seen them a handful of times, and called once, but all for selfish reasons and for her own gain, and for as short periods as possible, fed them lies, and sent them back...).
It's YOUR CHOICE. How much you care for these kids, and all of them need to learn responsibility. I have rules that they have to follow or they have consequences, with the exception of like 3 times when I completely tore their room apart and de-sanitized, they are responsible to keep their own room clean or they lose privileges. You and your DH need to decide what the rules are and what the consequences are.
You shouldn't be 100% responsible to take care of the Skids either. his kids, you need to take care of your own, BM may suck, but they do have both a dad and mom, they're just lucky to also have a stepmom to help out. Let DH know that you need and expect him to help. You need to lay out your expectations, then the two of you need to unite and work as a unit.
I'm confused by your first statement though like everyone else seems to be... They broke up with BM was pregnant? Or were you a side person while they were married? Or did he cheat on you while you were in a relationship with his ex? Cuz if he did I am COMPLETELY shocked you let any of that slide... Or if you did... I can get why BM is probably pissed and doesn't' want much to do with you and DH at all... Regardless, not my place to judge. Just food for thought and I'll just trust you two got it all figured out somewhere...
If she just dumped the kids
If she just dumped the kids you can file that with the court... That doesn't help with you being over-worked... But maybe getting CS? You could use that to hire a sitter or something maybe? Idk
You are being taken advantage
You are being taken advantage of.
The mom and the dad need to watch thier kids. Not you. You are NOT thier live in nanny.
Stand you ground and tell them you are done watching thier kids.