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Frustrated Step Mom

AtoZMom's picture

I'm new here!
I need a place where I can vent to people who understand what I am going through.
I have a year old Step Daughter (she was 2 when I started Dating her Dad, current;y my fiance) and We have a 18 month old a Daughter.
Today something has push me to my breaking point in realizing how I'm nothing to my SD to some people. One of our friends, who happens to have a daughter who is the same age and is best friends with my SD will take pictures at events and such and post them on facebook and tag her dad and her mom (which Im not bothered by after all it is her mom) but she will ignore me completely everytime even if i brought her or dropped her off. She posted pictures from their dance recital and didnt bother tagging me, lucky another friend whos daughter is also friends with them got pictures and was nice enough to tag me in them!
Im not sure why this bothers me so much! its only pictures on Facebook....but honestly im nothing to this girl at the end of the day but i love her like she is mine, maybe im to attached.

thats my venting for today!!!

Comments

WTF...REALLY's picture

Please don't let Facebook become the place you get your validation and self esteem. The friends are just tagging the parents so the parents can see thier child. No biggie in my book.

nunya1983's picture

Have you asked her, nonchalantly, to tag you as well?

If you don't know how to word it to make it not sound like your jealous or hurt, here's an example. "Hey, I notice that you tag mom and dad in the picture, would you mind taking me too? I want my friends and family to see these pictures too. I'm always talking about my awesome step daughter, and you always manage to get really good shots of her." And if she ignored your request, or gives you some crap about how your not this child's parent. Hit the "block" button.

I agree with the above posters. Don't allow some moron to tell you who you are top this child. You know who you ate in her life, they don't. They don't feel the love in your heart. They don't know how much sd loves you.

Honestly, step life sucks, a lot. This is one of the reasons why. Stepmom equates to nothing. Step dad's on the other hand generally get an insane amount of praise. The latter is not always true. There are some stepdads that get treated like crap... but for the most part us stepmoms ate viewed in one of two ways, not important, or evil. That's it. Even my own family views it like this. They don't utter one word about how awesome I am for sticking with dh even though he has a kid. They tell dh all the time how awesome he was for "taking us in". Sorry, I was doing just fine on my own raising my daughters with no help from anyone. I was making it. The DDs were doing just fine with my income alone. Nobody praised me for being a single mother with no child support to help me out.

lawyergirl06's picture

You can also tag yourself or just share the photos to your wall. It may also be that she isn't tagging you because she doesn't know your relationship with BM or whether you get along and doesn't want to start drama

nunya1983's picture

Lg you are so right, it could simply be that he isn't sure how bm would react to tagging the SM in pictures. If you don't know now frustrated step mom, biomoms can be insane! Something as simple as that can set some biomoms into attack mode.

I.hate.cats's picture

Flakebook was a problem with my DH for a number of reasons and these days we rarely bother with it all, for that reason. BM had sent DH a friend request during one of her many in between boyfriend phases however the Fakebook friendship was short lived since BM couldn't pretend to be at home with SD if DH could see posting pics at the bar on Facebook. If I post anything of SD6, I'll tag DH and send a copy of the pic to BM out of courtesy so that she can post it on her own page. My suggestion would be do just download the pic and repost it on your own page, if it's something you'd like to share.

momandmore's picture

I agree with lawyergirl maybe she doesn't know your relationship with BM and doesn't want to start anything.

I had a similar experience where I had known both the BM and the SM for about 20 years. I finally had to block the SM because I know how she was with the kids, but on facebook, of course life is perfect! The kids would be at my house all of the time and I would tag the BM in the pics and the SM in some. But I stopped that bc all of the pics I tagged BM in, SM would comment "oh there are my girls, love and miss them so much... blah blah blah. I apologized to BM in PM for it. SM and I are no longer friends because she is just an all around toxic person. The kids hate the SM anyways but they have very valid reasons to.

Disneyfan's picture

I think the friend is doing the right thing by staying out of any drama that may exist between you and BM.

She tagged your husband, so it should be up to him to get the photos to you.

Maxwell09's picture

Go ahead and save yourself the drama and delete/block anyone that's mutual friends to BM. Or just delete Facebook all together.