Curious of thoughts and opinions!
Hello,
I am just looking for some honest opinions here on if this is a smart move or to hold off for a little. SO and I will be moving in soon, June is the date so far. If you know back story his parents will be moving for FL shortly after that. Bio mother is not in the picture. Anyway has anyone on here ever gone about being granted legal guardianship when living with an SO, DH, or anyone who has a young child full time?
SO and I have discussed it mainly due to his job right now where he travels out of town for work sometimes two weeks straight or even a month. His is actively trying for a new job even had an interview. That is not the point of this.
What is people's opinions about this? Is this weird, is it overstepping, is it just being smart and prepared? Idk I keep having mixed feeling on it truthfully as we are not married or engaged. Three is talk and plans of that as well but we are not in a rush for it.
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He is the one with the
He is the one with the involved sister right?
Yes it is. She has kinda
Yes it is. She has kinda stepped back recently and I also have not been going up there as much because I need to be home. My SO had a talk with her and she is drinking way less. Still spends at least one night out the weekend up there. My SO's son has not been spending the nights there.
Biggest thing is in a medical
Biggest thing is in a medical emergency. I also know that some schools have gotten really strict and even his own parents have had issues picking him up from school when he was sick. Most generally he can be contacted but sometimes he does not have his phone on him while he is actually working.
As of right now his parents are next of kin if something happens to him. As far as I know legally she did not give up her full rights so she could legally take the boy if something happened to my SO. I am really just concerned for taking him to the doctor if I have to.
Thanks, I know big step to be
Thanks, I know big step to be signing a document for living together and it is not one that is being take lightly. I am have no clue how it will all turn out, I am hoping for the best I really am because he is a great guy. I did not know you could just do a medical/limited POA. Thank you for that.
We will be waiting until we move in to make any decisions but I just wanted to some feed back on what would be the smart thing to do. Very hard to navigate as like I have said the BM has never really been around and SS8 has no idea who she is no memory of her. SS8 already asked when his dad and I are getting married. I said that is an adult decision and between his dad and me. He did catch my off guard with that one. LOL
I know the ER will do
I know the ER will do everything in their power to save a life. He is not off the grid for 6+ hours usually maybe like 4. We are just trying to make a plan as we closer to moving in together.
That is good to know. I know
That is good to know. I know my aunt took my to an emergency room one time when I was visiting her. Just wanting to be prepared for anything that may come up. If he does get a new job I do not think this would have come up or if the Bio Mom was in the picture at all. Trying to navigate my way through.
It came up because the
It came up because the grandparents are moving to FL and we live in PA. The only other relative near is his sister the overbearing Aunt. Her job in summer is highly demanding and not always capable of being there at the drop of the hat.
This is literally a just in case thing for when he is out of town for work. If g-parents were not moving states upon states away I do not think if would have been a discussion. I know my SO said one time he was out of town for work, and because he did not make his parents legal guardians they had issues picking him up from the school and trouble getting a hold of my SO because he was an area no phones allowed.
Depends on what you need
Depends on what you need legal guardianship for, in my opinion. My grandma and both my parents have POA regarding medical care for both BS4 and BS2, because they watch them overnight and have taken them on vacations without DH or I. While they would call DH and I first if something happened, it's an extra layer of protection that they wouldn't have to worry about a doctor or state agency 'taking over decisions' until DH or I were able to get there.
But no one's every questioned me on everyday care for SD & SS, even doctor's appointments.
I would absolutely no doubt
I would absolutely no doubt call my SO if anything major happened. I also know that sometimes hospitals and things can be weird about telling someone who is not related to the child information. While his Aunt would maybe be there I think my SO would still like me to know what is going on in his absence. I am hoping that he gets a new job and this is not a worry. I am afraid he still be working nights in the beginning so it still maybe something to consider.
Thank you. I was not sure if
Thank you. I was not sure if this was an uncommon thing or if people actually took the precaution.
I would call his dad. That
I would call his dad. That would be my first call. I can not call his mom she is not in the picture and she has no say in the situation either as my SO has full custody. Her only rights are access to his medical and school records and supervised visitation which she has not asked for in like 4 almost 5 years now.
I get what you are saying. I am sure I will be on the back-up list for everything.
The only time when I have had
The only time when I have had an issue with sd and me not being her legal anything is with initially registering for the school my husband had to do that, but he did list me on there as ok to do pick ups. I haven't had any problems. The teachers all communicate with me, I have had calls to get sd during the day when she has been sick. I've been on field trips. No issues. Signing up for doctors and dentists I think I could have probably done myself, but my husband was there to sign the forms. But once sd was a patient I again have had no problems with taking her. Sining up for sports etc, no one cares. I have never miss represented myself in any of these circumstances btw, I am clear with them that I am step mom.
In a true emergency no one is going to turn away a hurt child or refuse treatment because the adult bringing them for treatment is not related to them.
TBH most of the time I have to remind people that I am not sd's mother and that they need to talk to my husband. Or people assume that because I am the mom figure that I organize all the family stuff when in fact my husband does a lot of the leg work (because I refuse to be 100% responsible).
I know that I can not
I know that I can not register him for things I will not be doing that. We will see what happens next school year with his teachers and everything. I do not think they will communicate with me as my SO and I will not be married at that point so we will not even have the same last name. I did however sign his sports thing the one time recently. SO was out of town and I figured it would be a good time for me to hang out with his son just him and I so I offered to take him to his basketball registration. They needed the signature of a guardian and I told them I am his dad's girlfriend and they were like that is ok. I learned sports it does not matter.
Nothing wrong with becoming
Nothing wrong with becoming legal guardian of the child in case his bio parents are not there...
with us, SO only needs to do a declaration validated by a commissioner of oath that he gives you full rights on decisions regarding his child in case of emergencies, I'm am Aergias legal guardian upon SO's death till she's 18...
7 months to go then I'm out and she's a legal adult... but sad news to her, no need killing her father in October... I will remain guardian till age 21 to handle her inheritance }:)
In some circumstances it
In some circumstances it makes perfect sense. My wife and I petitioned for and were granted guardianship of my SIL (DW's youngest sib) when she was 17. My IL's home had been a toxic waste dump for years and several calls to CPS had accomplished nothing. So... we offered to pay for SIL's college if we were granted guardianship. My ILs and SIL agreed and SIL moved in with us for a year. She stayed for a few months after she turned 18 but could not stand being away from her Podunk home town and her boyfriend.
So, she gave up on a free college education and moved home about 5mos after she turned 18.
It was the right thing to do for us at the time but getting the guardianship dissolved was a PITA even after SIL had turned 18.
Now 12+ years later SIL has two spawn that she and her DH can't afford (the first out of wedlock), two dogs that they can't afford to feed, is under insane school loan debt (Nearly $100K), has nothing to show for it (never finished her degree), and she and her DH bounce off of foreclosure, repossession, and bankruptcy incessantly.
I never petitioned for guardianship of my SS. I just acted as what I was.... His dad. No one ever asked and I never told. I signed everything as his dad, I booked air travel, dropped him off and picked him up from the airport when he traveled to SpermLand for visitation, I took him to the docs office and ER when necessary, I enrolled him in school, attended Parent Teacher conferences, coached his sports teams, officiated his sports leagues, etc.....
It may not be necessary for you to obtain guardianship. Have DH give you power of attorney to act on his behalf to care for the Skid.
Call your attorney for advice and to understand your specific situation more clearly from a legal perspective.
Thank you for the advice I
Thank you for the advice I think I will consult an attorney. There is plenty of things that run through my head with moving in with my SO. I do love his son already, he is a pretty good kid, spoiled by his g-parents and aunt, like a ton. I think that is to be expected when you live with grandparents sometimes. My SO's son loves me too, he will say hi to me on the phone when I am talking to his dad, always ask when I am coming up. He is really excited for the three of us to living together.
He is already grown very attached to me, and I am pretty sure it is because I am the only person that my SO has ever brought around his son. He has never seen his dad with anyone ever, I think he is excited to have like a "dad & mom" because he has never known what that is like. Yeah his grandmother and aunt have kinda filled in as a female figure in his life. He has never seen the aunt as a mom figure and not really even his grandmother, maybe at one point when he was really little and did not understand as well. He has not in a long time.
I know since I have been in the picture he has not asked about his who is real mom is either. He did once in a while. It has been over a year at this point.
ask an attorney. that's
ask an attorney. that's always the safest bet, but especially so in view of the fact that you guys arent even legally related. i've done school stuff and they refer to me as "the mom". i've done sports stuff. i've done medical stuff. but things like that are not questioned due to us being legally related.
I will have to talk to an
I will have to talk to an attorney. We will not be legally related right away eventually yeah but not right away and if he does not have a new job by June is gone for like two weeks I just want to be prepared is all.