BM is making waves for SS25 wedding festivities
So SS25 is getting married in September. We warned him months ago that his mom was going to pull some of her usual crap, he and his fiancee both said something along the lines of "no way, we won't let that happen, she knows we won't stand for it..." and so on. So now his fiancee and her bridal party are in the midst of planning her shower, which will take place in August. BM asks the couple if she is planning on only having one shower. She says yes, she wants one shower, and all of her family and friends will attend. They thought all was fine, but two days later BM texts fiancee and asks her if BM family can throw her a separate bridal shower, sans me. Fiancee says no, that's not what her and SS25 want, we can all be adults and be in the same room together for a couple hours. BM throws a crying, whining, ridiculous fit and refuses to attend. And also speaks on behalf of all of her relatives, stating they will also not be in attendance. She told SS25 she will never be in the same room with that evil, home wrecking, immoral whore, (meaning me) with the exception of the wedding. So now she's trying to control the shower, and soon the wedding as well I'm sure. So how should I handle this? I have offered to stay home in order to keep the peace. Fiancee says that isn't what she wants. I don't know what (if anything) I can do to make this better. I don't want BM and her entire family to skip the event because she is still pissy about dh and I getting married 6 years ago. PS - I didn't wreck their home. They were no longer together and he dated others before me, but I'm the one who stuck around and she didn't think he would move on. He is also 17 years my senior, and she's not a fan of that either...
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Comments
Yes, they are handling it
Yes, they are handling it very well. As far as step kids are concerned, I may have hit the jackpot. Although, mine are all older and living on their own, and one refuses to speak to me or his father (I've never met him, wouldn't even know him to see him). But the other two are very respectful and contributing members of society. I am proud of them, and I tell them that every chance I get. But BM is awful, and sometimes I see them exhibiting some of her personality traits. It scares me, but as they aren't my children and they are so close to me in age, I don't offer advice. I can see that SS30 and his wife have a relationship similar to what dh and bm had during their marriage, which is NOT good. SS25 did live with dh and I for several years when we first were married, as he was attending school and didn't want to live with bm. So I like to think, even though he was only exposed to it for a few years, dh and I had some influence on how he views relationships, and he can tell the difference between a healthy one and a toxic one.
There is nothing you can nor
There is nothing you can nor should do. You're not responsible for BM's behavior and you need to stay out of it and let SS handle her. His mother, his problem. When he's had enough of his mother's bull and busybody ways, he'll do one of two things 1)tell her to shove it 2)give into her crap. Either way, it's his mother and he'll have to decide for himself how strongly he feels about playing her game.
Childish of the BM. She's only hurting her son and his bride. Weddings and all the getting ready for the big day should not be held captive nor made so stressful due to feuding parents...but it happens. She's likely already drawn up the wedding ceremony seating chart. See that potted plant way back behind the last row next to the wall? Yeah, that's where she plans to stick you (Oh, I really hope not).
I do feel pity for the BM inthat she can't just suck it up and enjoy her son's wedding rather than making such a fuss. He shouldn't have to choose between parents and their spouses like this. As long as the SS and his bride are including you and wanting to have you partake in their wedding events, no reason you should just stay home and/or not go and enjoy the surrounding extra activities. BM is SS's to deal with. Stay out of all the BM commotion . You've made it known to SS you're willing to stand back. I'm sure he appreciates you being the mature adult and trying to make things easier for him. But that isn't what he wants. Now stay out of it and let SS deal with his mother.
Funny you should mention
Funny you should mention that, notthisagain, because it just so happens that BM is engaged to someone else. He resembles Joe Dirt a little, but he's bald on top. He's a real gem. While BM's cousin was dying from cancer, BM starting dating Joe Dirt. Who just happened to be the dying cousins husband. And someone that BM cheated with while she was still with DH. They were supposed to be married a few years ago, but Joe Dirt called it off for some reason. So now they are engaged.
You aren't the one throwing
You aren't the one throwing the hissy fit, so you do nothing. Future DIL said she didn't want you to not go to the shower to placate BM. It's embarrassing how immature BM is acting. Just continue to be your classy self.
If you don't go then you can
If you don't go then you can expect BM to take it as a win and start making similar demands for the wedding also expecting to get her way. You were invited, it's the brides shower not BMs and it's been 6 years you said so YOU don't have to sit at home because she can't deal. Besides if you don't go then everyone else that doesn't know what's going on will assume it was you that couldn't get along with BM even though that's not the case at all.
Think of it this way,
Think of it this way, however BM feels is none of your business. What is your business is the fiancé and SS and they want you there. All you have to do is follow the brides lead. So go. And get them a great present.