Good Morning, well I've been at this site now for a few weeks and can no longer call myself a newbee. The comments I've received have been helpful and I'm grateful that I have this site and resource for what sounds like alot of us go through. Its weird that in such a short period of time that all of these good and bad things have happened and now after reading yesterday's blog regarding the holidays I'm reminded of what's to come!
A little more of my past is that I have been married twice and in those two marriages it was not in the cards to have children, even though I was pregnant once but it ended very early. I try not to think that that was a sign but I do believe everything happens for a reason, and I truely believe that I'm here in this relationship and situation for a reason. I hope that its because I'm a good person and I will be a blessing in the skids lives! Additionally I believe that they are in my life as a blessing as well. Of course that does leave all the bullshit from the BM ~ can't figure out what that means I guess maybe that's the part where its supposed to make me a stronger person and to test my patience and my growth.....why is there always the reality side of things
It's day (5) since the blow out Friday night and we haven't seen or heard from the skids. I'm very sad about this for two reason's ~ 1) is that its like an elephant in the room between BF and myself and 2) because I miss them and know how much their dad misses them. ...More to my story I started seeing my BF in October of 2004 and in July of 2005 he was in a bad motorcycle accident, at the time of the accident BM was already trying to get her claws back into BF, they had been divorced only a short time, separated for 3 years (again I did not have anything to do with their separation or divorce). Long story short, we both took care of him during his recovery and in the end he choose to give his family another try and I was sent away (so to speak). Well that didn't work out and we are together again. So why am I spilling my guts...oh ya so I have a small history with the skids and the ex some good and some not so good (always good with the skids, I never got to see them enough to have anything else, thank god.)So this is definately a tangled web we've woven. BF is finally starting to let me in I believe with his feelings and reasons why he does the things he does with regards to the kids but I have to go very slowly. I'm trying to open the door and help to realize that I'm on his side, this is where I need the help because I try so hard, to hard to make this all right and forget all the history and I think sometimes I forget that they are not my kids biologically either. Boy I get up in the morning and ask myself what am I doing here and what's it all about........