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Would dh go to BMs/a loved one of hers & sks funeral?

Anon2009's picture

The blog about the sf being murdered made me think about this. I didn't want to hijack it.

Mine would. He gets along with BMs family and he'd want to be there for his kids.

Plus, I think this could also alleviate a lot of jealousy for the kids, which would likely compound their sadness. The kids would likely know that Dad would go to the funeral of SMs loved ones to be there for sm and her/their kids, but wouldn't do much to be there for them. That may be wrong but that may be what they feel.

This is where I think adults need to drop their weapons and do what's right for the kids. They need people to be there for them and not worry about "boundaries" in such sad times.

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stormabruin's picture

Yep^^^

stormabruin's picture

MIL passed away in August. DH planned for SD17 & SS20 to be there with the family, however, BM couldn't bring herself to leave them in their time of grief. :sick:

Instead of letting them stay with DH for the viewing, she (& her mother) brought them & they stayed for all of 25 minutes.

She also attended the funeral. No problem. (Well, a little bit of a problem for me, but I was willing to deal with it.)

She didn't only attend the funeral. She helped herself to DH's side when it came time for the family to say their "goodbyes" before the casket was closed at the service. Then she helped herself to a place in the family line in the procession.

DH knew nothing of her dad's passing until 3 days after the funeral, & the kids were fine without him there just as they'd have been at MIL's funeral without BM there.

In our case, it was a matter of BM being unable to respect boundaries. Not the kids.

Personally, I think it's absolutely appropriate to respect boundaries in such a situation. IMO, that's the family's time to grieve together. In dealing with a loss, they shouldn't be expected to deal with lack of boundaries as well.

I suppose you'd have to consider the relationship an ex has with the family.

Rags's picture

I would not go to my XWs funeral except to piss on her grave. Luckily we had no children together though she had several out of wedlock starting shortly after our divorce.

At one time I would have gone to the funerals of my XILs. They were always very decent to me. It was their daughter that was the skank whore from hell.

But ... during some research for my parents 50th anniversary last year I found out that the whole family had been involved in defrauding XMILs employer out of $millions. Only XMIL went to federal prison for the crime but the business owner sued the whole family and the Feds investigated them all.

Fortunately for me I had been long gone from that family and was not caught up in their crap. Interestingly it was during the Fed investigation and subsequent criminal and civil court actions that mY XW's then husband left her. He was the the geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar daddy that she left me for. I have never had any issue with him. In fact I have never met him. It was the adulterous skank that I had issue with. I should probably look him up and take him to dinner as a thankyou for getting me out of that mess long before it blew up in my face.

Though they treated me well, knowing what they were would make me hesitant to go to their funerals.

Just as I was not aware that my XW was cheating during nearly our entire 2.5 marriage and things became very clear in the few years after our divorce as several formerly mutual friends called me to inform me of what she had done during our entire marriage, several things I saw during my time in that family made a whole lot of sense in hind site. I gained a lot of clarity on all of them during the divorce then over the next 19 years culminating when I read all of the articles on the crimes and court cases.

As for the SpermIdiot and SpermClan. My wife won't bother to go to their funerals except maybe to be there for SS. The only reason I would go would be to be there for my wife and son (SS). If I were to go, I would load up on gallons of ice tea and stop my insulin pump for several hours before the grave side elements of the funeral(s) so that I have plenty of capacity to express myself appropriately. }:) Wink Biggrin

Okay, maybe I would wait to express myself until later that evening so my SS would not be hurt by my opinion. But, since he feels much the same way, maybe he would participate.

Starla's picture

We would be there, I can't imagine the pain of losing a parent let alone losing a parent at a young age. My Skids are fearing the health of their parents already but their mom recently went through a dangerous operation and it shook them up. Luckily their mom is doing great but she unfortunately is still in a lot of pain. I really feel Skids need their parents by their side, SM for extra support. DH would hesitate on going if I stayed behind too.

hereiam's picture

My DH would only go to BM's funeral if SD22 asked him to and I don't think she would, she knows what my husband thinks about BM.

Personally, I hope BM lives forever, where else is SD22 and her 2 kids going to live?

stormabruin's picture

My ex FIL was a wonderful man too, & I would be sad to hear of his passing.

Even so, I would not dream of making a place for myself in the company of his family at his funeral. That's THEIR time & place to grieve together. I can grieve his passing in my own space, & would prefer to do so rather than grieve in the company of my exH.

KittieKat's picture

OH BM#1 had NO problem showing up to FIL's funeral. She wasn't invited but there she was.
She showed up with HER family in tow. she tried sitting with our family (right behind my DH) NOPE. I stopped that one quick.
We had lunch after the services which was at my MIL's home, oh she made herself right at home. Greeting everyone as they walked in. This woman had NO SHAME in her game.