You are here

when SM and stepkid are close in age,

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 06/04/2011 - 8:08am

How should SM and stepkid deal with that as I'm sure it must be awkward? How should stepkid deal with any negative feelings about it? What level of respect should SM be shown by stepkid-the same that stepkid would show a friend or the level they'd show to a teacher or boss that isn't all that much older/younger than them?

I was watching some of the Tudors last night. Henry VIII was married to Catherine Howard, who was 17 and a few years younger than Henry's daughter Mary. Let me say that they butter heads a lot!

Comments

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Sat, 06/04/2011 - 5:33pm

My mom was 15 years younger than my dad - and only 9 - 13 years older than her 4 skids.

Add to it, there was something slightly hinky about their relationship (I seem to recall something about, "we had to wait until your dad's divorce was final") and that this was in the 1960s... Dad had no rights to his kids after the divorce, other than to pay alimony and CS.

Mom didn't have much of a relationship at all with any of her skids except the oldest girl, who was Dad's favorite. When my brother went to Vietnam, Mom was the only person who sent him care packages.

Dad and Mom were married for 43 years, compared to the 17 of his first marriage. My brothers and sisters respected Mom as my dad's wife. My middle sister held a grudge her entire life. The others... My oldest sister calls Mom regularly now that Dad has passed. My oldest brother has always been slightly off; I didn't meet him until I was 24. My middle sister died 7 years ago in a car accident. My younger brother is a full-time caretaker for his 85 yr old (84?, 83?) BM, who has dementia.

When Dad passed this year, all of the kids came to the funeral. My brother brought his BM, because she needs constant care. There were no fights, or weirdness.

IMO, the skids should show the same level of respect to SM as to a similarly-aged adult who is an authority figure over them.

I'm a mom-figure to my SD15 (and doesn't that chap BM's ass) but I'm less than a year younger than BM. I get cool points because I let her express herself and have sympathy for her.

Bubblez88's picture

Submitted by Bubblez88 on Sat, 06/04/2011 - 7:57pm

I am 9 years younger than my husband and my stepsons are 10 and 11 years younger than me....

I am 22 and they are currently 11 and 12. They respect me and treat me with motherly authority, but I am not looking forward to when they become teenagers. I have no idea what our relationship will be like and it definitely scares me :O .

z3girl's picture

Submitted by z3girl on Sun, 06/05/2011 - 4:41pm

My SD has said (when she showed herself around us) that she thought of me more as a sister-figure because we are 14 years apart. I'm 15 years younger than DH, so I'm right smack in the middle. On occasion, particularly in the beginning, she flipped out over my age. I got mad at DH for even telling her my age because it's none of her business! I was already 29 when DH and I met! I think her emotions over the age difference was mostly fueled by BM because BM is older than DH. Lately SD has been nuts over DH's age and us having a baby because she thinks DH is too old to have more kids. What a brat. She's 20 going on 12, I swear.