Maybe this is the best way to handle pas?
I read something somewhere about the alienated parent keeping a civil distance from the alienated kid. Meaning, don't force visits. Let the kid reach out to the alienated parent when ready. This article said that this approach creates less tension and conflict for the alienated kid.
Sometimes I think this would be best for not just the alienated kid, but for the SPs involved.
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It might be the best way to
It might be the best way to deal with it. But I feel bad for the parents that never see their kids again. BM's BM PAS'd BM and her sister against their father when they were young. Refused all attempts to contact them. It got to the point where BM's dad gave up and said to his ex "just tell the girls that they're in my will." Twenty years later they still have no contact with him. I feel bad for him, but he's not missing much. They're horrible people.
You know how I know that story? When BM and SO were together, BM's BM BRAGGED about it to MIL. She was proud of it. Sick fuck. That entire family use men for welfare benefits... I mean kids. Because they love welfare benefits... I mean kids.
That's sad. Maybe if BMs bm
That's sad. Maybe if BMs bm had let the dad be in their kids lives they wouldn't be such screwed up people. Studies show that kids who don't have a dad in the picture are more likely to have sad lives.
You've done such a great job
You've done such a great job with both your SS and your bios, dtzy, I don't know how you do it.
I absolutely think it's the same for BMs. It explains a lot of my SDs issues too. It is difficult for them, as teen girls, to not have their mom in their lives, and know she's disinterested in them.
This sounds exactly like the
This sounds exactly like the BM in my situation. She comes from a long line of useless women who think men should have to support them once they have kids. BM's family had to go to the food bank all the time growing up. Her mom taught them to blame their dad for it, when she herself couldn't be bothered to get a job and support her own kids.
I think we're headed in that
I think we're headed in that direction with SS15. Like tog said, it's best to get the kid away from the alienating/abusive parent but that'll never happen in our case.
When my SD23, she (with BM's
When my SD23, she (with BM's help) decided to stop coming over when she was 15, my DH did not force the issue. SD started calling him all of the time, whereas before, she rarely called him between visits.
She then decided to start coming over again about 9 months later. But as soon as she didn't get her way about something, she stopped her visitations again. She continued with the phone calls, though.
It didn't bother me in the slightest; the last thing I wanted in my house was an angry teenager who didn't want to be there.
I don't think SD wanted to cut ties with her dad but she didn't want to go against her mother, since that's who she lived with (and BM would never let her forget THAT).
That's what we did with my
That's what we did with my SD. It helped tremendously with her anxiety but now, at age 21, she has nothing to do with us.