Not friending and not looking only works if you're already disengaged. I didn't even know what disengaging was until I needed to do it. I also didn't want to add my exSO's d14 to my facebook, but SHE sent me the invite first (back in our honeymoon period) and I thought long and hard about it. I actually told my SO I wasn't going to because I don't want to censor myself for children but he said that would probably hurt her feelings. So I added her and made certain albums, profile information and my posts, etc private. I guess she knew (or maybe he told her and never confessed) but she got mad and deleted me eventually telling her dad "what's the point of having her on their, she makes everything private anyway!"

And then after that.. she started hating me.

Now if I HAD known about what i POSSIBLY could be in for, with living with a man with a kid -- especially a teenage daughter and had i known about his poor parenting skills - I would from DAY 1 been disengaged. Not added her on facebook, etc. Sometimes you just gotta learn from those mistakes.

Ah yes...FB & Skids...such a WONDERFUL combination.

Admittedly, I am friends on FB with SD16. There has been no drama to date but if the occassion ever arose that SD16 is nasty (which it will, I'm just waiting for it), she will be defriended in a heartbeat.

XSD16 was added only recently and for some reason, she feels the need to discuss "stuff" with me. I have no real issue with XSD16 aside from the fact that she believes that the whole world should view her BM (Nasty) as a wonderful, sparkly essence of pure joy and beauty. Obviously, I do not hold those delusions but there has been no tension or drama with her either. Again however, she'd be defriended quick & in a hurry if she does start to cause drama.

I will say that having these two as "friends" on FB has stopped me, many times from making an ass out of myself on FB. Preventing me from becoming one the FAR too many people who over-share what is going on in their personal lives. Knowing that these two will see my posts reminds me to be an adult and NOT be bitchy (about their BMs) via facebook.

it isn't fb that i have gotten pissed about, it's the crap sd19 says to and about me on there. it pisses me off because she thinks she's big shit on fb, but she would NEVER say those things to me in person. i blocked her 2 years ago for running her mouth about me all the time. i am not going to allow someone to treat me like that publicly when she has no balls to say those things to me privately. she had the audacity to cry to fdh that blocking her on fb was "not appropriate for a sm to do to a sd". :jawdrop: interesting how she knows all about how I'M supposed to act, but she finds it perfectly appropriate for her to be a total asshole. as a sm, i'm supposed to just take it, in her opinion. if i do not allow her to disrespect me, then i am immature. as soon as she realized that she was blocked from my fb, she started texting me telling me i needed to grow up and be the adult. :jawdrop: i guess i kind of thought the immature thing was using fb to dog someone and the grown up thing to do was to put an end to it rather than allow it to continue, but what do i know? i'm not a teenager, so surely i know nothing.

she wanted to be readded about 8 months later. so i did, thinking she would have learned her lesson. she did ok for quite a while. but now she's pregnant. i told her in no uncertain terms that after how she treated me when i was pregnant and when i miscarried, i will not be involved in her pregnancy. she didn't say anything about it for about 2 months. then she sent me a message trying to guilt me into "helping" her. i didn't respond. so a couple days later, she sent me another message being a bitch and telling me basically that i owe it to her to be there, that i'm doing her and fdh wrong by not getting involved, and that i should be over what she did to me.

i didn't ignore that one. i let her know what i think (toned my language down, but still got my point across) and then i blocked her from fb and my phone AGAIN. this time, the block is permanant. so it's not fb that that gets me worked up and offended, it's the shit sd thinks she has the right to say to me just because it's not to my face. fb really has nothing to do with it. it's HER. fb is just somehting she uses as a tool. and i took that tool away from her. interesting how she never has those shitty things to say to me in person. because she fucking knows better. i'll be damned if i'm going to let her hide behind fb and text to be a slag to me. if it isn't something she can say to my face, then it probably isn't something she should say at all.

I agree - it's a totally simple solution to blocking any potential drama.

I believe it all comes down to self control.
Some people lack it. Of course, they justify it with statements like, "I just want to know what's going on," or "I want to know if something will affect me."
Just stay off of it. Simple.

Instead, people choose to creep on their skids/exes pages, get all worked up, etc.
What a waste of time, IMO.

About 2 years ago my bio-daughter de-friended her SM on FB. They live across country, had only met a few times, and BD got resentful that SM kept messaging her that she shouldn't be logged in when she has homework, use her time more productively. BD was mad because they virtually had no relationship and she felt like it should come from her dad, and that she felt like she barely even knew him. She said it bothered her that they didn't reach out to her for anything positive.

While it could and should have been handled better, she was in 8th grade at the time, so a mature conversation about how she felt was not going to happen. Anyway, she has not been invited to visit them since that time, has barely heard from her dad, and even as recently as a couple months ago he mentioned it to me again.

That's a pretty big tie to cut over some FB drama. I mean, I know it goes deeper than FB...but FB of all things was what seems to have killed their relationship.

My Skids are too young, however it has caused a lot of problems within my family.

People have a need to socialize and a need to belong, weather or not you admit it, we all want are friends to know what we are up too, or want to know what are friends are up too. Kids don’t understand what is appropriate and what is not. They post too much information about their life and they use facebook as a tool to get family members and friends on their “side” when something unfair happens to them. It isn’t just stepfamilies that have had this issue. My cousin, is blocked from viewing my facebook, she is a drama queen/lair/violent/ect. Well I dropped a baby shower gift at her home a couple of weeks ago, I was not invited to her baby shower but she is family and I do care. Well a few hours after I dropped it off I got calls/texts from everyone in my family saying “how could you do that”. She posted “Some fucking cousin, throws a gift for my unborn baby at my front door almost breaking my screen door, then almost hits my dog as she leaves with her car, thanks bitch”. Well everyone commented on it and was able to see I was the so called bitch. When in fact I knocked on the door, her boy friend said get the fuck off his property, and I left, her dog the poor thing was in the kennel locked up like always.

The point it the drama is there weather you looked at it or not. At least with kids, they can be punished when they step out of line involving a social network site. If my cousin was held responsible when we were kids she may have more respect for people but as of now its too late and she is a nasty hateful person.

I can't speak for others, of course, but I block people who are inappropriate. For example, I have a step-sister, a half-brother, and an ex-step-sister who are gay which I fully support. However, they feel that posting of their sexual exploits is showing "gay pride." I feel it's just distasteful and disrespectful; afterall, I've never posted "DH banged me out last night!! Not gunna b walkin str8 for a week!!!!!11!!!111!@!@!@!@!@" as my status, and so expect the same level of respect in return. I have had several family members get offended because their posts and status updates do no appear on my wall; oh well.

I am friends with ss14-not that it matters as I changed his password and we allow him no Internet access.

When SS19 gets mad at DH for being a dad, he de-friends us. It has happened twice. This time, I did not ask to be added back. I have to admit, I am enjoying not riding the rollercoaster of his dysfunction. He is one of those moaners who posts "poor me" all the time. And then snaps out of it and is positive then the next day...you get the picture.

He is an alcoholic who failed at living with us in a really great place and is now home with nonparent BM. On probation, owes everyone money, and just lost his job. AGAIN.