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Displaying pics of both parents together when one of the parents is deceased and the marriage ended when one of the parents died

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 05/29/2013 - 1:43pm

How do you feel about this?

I think it is ok, because there was no messy divorce involved and BM wasn't around to PAS the kids. Plus, these pics may well provide some level of comfort to SKs of any age.

Comments

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Wed, 05/29/2013 - 1:51pm

In that situation, I think its appropriate. You also have a good point that it can help bring any age Skid some comfort.

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Wed, 05/29/2013 - 1:59pm

I think it is ok even if the spouse is deceased or had a messy divorce.

Kids cant change who their parents were, they are actually a victim if circumstance.

If they want a picture of their Mom and Dad together, more power to them. If they want to display it in their personal space that's fine too.

He will never leave me for BM and I know how much of an ugly person she is and well so does he...

queenofthedamned's picture

Submitted by queenofthedamned on Wed, 05/29/2013 - 2:16pm

I'd be ok with that scenario, I think. Different situation, though similar: a friend met and married a guy who lost his wife on 9/11. He went out soon afterwards and had a huge portrait of her tattooed on his back. And then he met my friend, who has said she feels like she lives with a ghost. She'll never be as good as his sweet, dearly and tragically departed wife, even though they now have children and a happy life together.

That, I don't think I'd be cool with.

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Wed, 05/29/2013 - 2:50pm

Out of respect for my husband who has been raising DD17 as his own for over ten years, I do not have photos of my deceased first husband out on display. They are in albums that DD can look at whenever she wants.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 05/29/2013 - 3:07pm

I would make exceptions to that if the parent was deceased, because those pictures could bring comfort to the kids. Sometimes it is nice to remember good times in the past. Those pics can and do often help kids maintain a strong connection with the deceased parent, and bring them comfort.

I think most kids would really resent a SP who didn't let them display couple pics/any pics of the deceased parent in their own bedroom. A kid's displaying them in their bedroom is appropriate and tactful and actual in the present, because even if the parent is deceased, they are still important in their kids' lives.

Carley's picture

Submitted by Carley on Wed, 05/29/2013 - 3:47pm

My widower SO has pics and I display them in our new house because they are really nice.

I don't feel threatened by them, but from what I've read about dating a widower, a lot of women resent the pictures around. I have lost significant family members in my own life, so I know the value of these pictures. People close to this woman thought I (the new girlfriend) was going to tear it all down and change everything, but I didn't.

A few times when I was pissed off I have looked at the picture and I ask her how the hell did she put up with him for 35 years of bad moods in the morning, and temper tantrums over stupid shit. Unless she faked her own death and living happily somewhere else, that woman must be a saint. LOL