A comment got me to thinking
recently.
The comment was made by Gisele Bundchen, who recently married Tom Brady, who has a son with his ex-GF. She said in Vanity Fair something like "just because someone else delivered him, doesn't mean that's not my son. I feel like it is, from the very first day."
Her comments drew a mixed reaction from a lot of people. Some said that she was overstepping boundaries; others said that there was nothing wrong with what she said. While her SS's mom didn't say anything, friends of hers did have some complaints, some of which I thought were/are valid.
I see both sides to this debate. After all, she doesn't have any biological children of her own so how can she know what that love is like?
I also, however, think that it's great that she loves the kid. If you didn't read her recent Vanity Fair interview, you should, because her comments about her SS in it created quite a stir. Do you think her comments were out of line?
- Anon2009's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
..
...
My son was 1 month old
when i started dating my husband...
and 7 when we got married...
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
I started dating BF3
about 13 days after BM had SS so I have been in his life just as long as BF3 so although I did not give birth to him BF3 and I are learning this parenting thing together so I do feel that he is our son when we are together but I never forget who BM is as she constantly reminds us that she is SS only parent!!!!!!
Only Parent
If she's the ONLY parent, ask how she would like to be the ONLY one providing monetary support for the child -- that should stop that kind of rude blow from BM
I have been SDad since my son was 15mos old.
Not as early in SS's life as Gisele or some of you but near enough to the beginning as to be negligible. I did not read the interview in question (Woo Hoo for once I get to keep my man card) but I did make the choice to be my son's Dad which apparently Gisele has done with her own SS.
Any child benefits from the love and commitment of an adult that is additive to the child's life. I think what many people forget is that when these children, our children, are in our homes we are their parents and they are our children. That does not mean that when they are with the other BioParent that they cease to be our children or when they are with us that that they cease to be the child of other BioParent. However, when they are with us we are the primary family just as is the case that when they are away from our home and with their other family then that family is the primary.
I think we all have a choice to make. Focus on the best interest of the child or not regardless of where that child happens to be at any given time.
Unfortunately far to many of the opposition parents choose to make the focus their own needs to control the XSpouse and enforce their will on the child even when the child is with the other parent.
Just my thoughts of course.
huh???
"I see both sides to this debate. After all, she doesn't have any biological children of her own so how can she know what that love is like?".....hmmm...just curious....do u really believe that u MUST have biokids to "know what the love of and for a child is?....
"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"
what I mean is
I know all people can love children. I am CP SM to my SDs and love them dearly but the love that I have for them vs. the love I have for my unborn baby that I miscarried is different.
I agree that it takes a while...
when you deal with kids that have been raised at least 2, 3, 4 etc... years... and they recognize a father and a mother, and THEN you are a third figure in their lives... but...
a Newborn? There is nothing more pure than a newborn... Newborns are not damaged by poor parenting, a separation, PAS, etc... That's why the younger the kids, the easier to bond... and a newborn? goodness... that is just precious... and like someone else said, he welcomed fatherhood while next to her, which is PRECIOUS as well, because many resentment comes from DH and BM having a "history" together, and Stepparents having to accept that these two people HAD a child and were excited, and welcomed parenthood as a team, etc... but in this case, it wasn't like that, there was never a mommy,daddy, newborn bond... there was ONLY a daddy, stepmommy, newborn bond from day one...
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
Here's my opinion...
and I apologize if it offends anyone. No offense is intended.
I agree with you on some points, summerflowers. While I think it's easiest to bond with newborns, and I do think she loves this boy, I think the way she said it is strange and that she parades him around. I know that English isn't her first language, but I wouldn't phrase it like that in an arena in which the BM could find out about it. As much as I loathe BM, I wouldn't say that for the same reasons you mentioned, summer.
That is JMHO and feel free to disagree with me. Again, no offense intended.
She didn't "hook up with a
She didn't "hook up with a man with a pregnant girlfriend" Tom & Bridgett had already broken up & he started dating Giselle, THEN they found out she was pregnant. They had about 6 months to mentally and emotionally prepare for this child, so maybe by the time he was born she was actually excited? We can't claim to know how she feels...if she feels like she loves him and considers him her own son, so be it. Thats great for Tom & his son. Better than a wife that despises the kid simply because he's not her bio kid, right? He's a baby, whats not to love?
"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"
Sooo...
If you adopt a child without having a bio one...
Does that mean that you can't say "I love this child as if he/she were my own" because you haven't experienced what the love for a biological child is?
I Don't necessarily agree with that... She can find herself having a feeling for this child that she has never had before, a mix of unconditional love and happiness from a cute little smile from him/her...
Maternal insticts are a BUILT~IN... you don't have to have comparisons to actually KNOW if you love a child as your own or not...
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
I believe intense maternal/paternal love is possible without
genetic involvement. Skids, adopted children, very close nieces and nephews (but they do share your gene pool) are all examples of this.
I have no BioKids but I would hope that if my wife and I did have one, or a few, that I would care for them as I have my SS and care for SS as much as the gene-spawn.
However, I do believe that no parent loves two of their own children the same way and to the same level. Kids are unique individuals and the relationship between the parents and the kids are also somewhat unique.
At least they are between my parents and each of their children.
Best regards,
As a woman with no biokids
and one who never thought children would be a part of my life....being a full time SM to 3 skids was the best thing that ever happened to me....I have truly learned unconditional love and I would lay my life down for any one of them....SO, while I am not offended by the original post at all, I CAN tell u that just like some would find it impossible to understand how a biomom would throw her baby in the trash, there are some of us SMs (and SFs, Rags
) with no biokids that I truly believe feel the parental bond....First I used to hear that I couldn't possibly understand cuz I had no kids....now I can't possibly know what the bond of motherhood is because I have had no biokids?...I think when u love and mother a child that a biomom has thrown away...and they love u back like a mom...that bond can be just as strong.....if not stronger because they appreciate that someone has dedicated themselves to do their mother's job when that person did not have to....JMO, of course.....and also if Gisele had said she did not feel that the baby was hers or something to that affect, people would have categorized her at the evil b&^ch SM....Step parents just cannot win....either yur "trying to be the Mom".....or yur mean and u don't give a sh*t.......
"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"