Finally, an update on the events of last weekend...

As promised, I left the house Friday night without telling FDH where I was going. I stayed with my friends and had a relatively nice time with them. I was very glad I left. FDH texted me the next morning and said "I guess you decided to go to X city to see your family early". I told him that I was still in town.

I turned up a couple hours later to take care of my dog and pack for the trip. He was all lovey dovey like nothing was wrong. (He thinks he can fix arguments with hugs and kisses). He was preparing to go the the gym while I was there. I told him he couldn't go to the gym b/c SD and her friend were still sleeping and I'd already told him many times that since he played bad communication games related to her pump training, that he is no longer allowed to leave her with me b/c I won't be responsible for her and her diabetes. He looked surprised then disappeared, came back and announced her blood sugar was in normal range and acted like he was leaving again. I reiterated that I didn't care how good her sugar level was, he made this bed and he can lie in it. So he stayed. During that time he mentioned that since they weren't going with me, he'd texted the other kid's parents and told them she could stay through Sunday. I was pissed.

I packed and started to leave the house. He followed me out asking for a kiss. He told me he didn't understand why I was upset. He stated that SD12 had been prepared to go and wouldn't have cause trouble. I lost it in the driveway. I told him 1- She ALWAYS causes trouble and definitely would now because her friend couldn't come. 2- She's been abysmal for two weeks yet you reward her with this fun weekend 3- They not only ruined Sat night with my family but also Fri. We'd asked the kids if they'd had plans, they said no, and next thing you know, I am sitting home alone with no dinner on Friday night because they both made last minute plans and no one cared who else was impacted. So I left.

I enjoyed my time with my family. On Sunday around 4, I was at the mall with them and left for the two hour drive back. I knew the kids were going home and thought maybe FDH would make an effort to make a nice dinner, take me out, or something to smooth the waters. Boy was I wrong!

I called him from the car at 430 and he informed me that they just got back from sailing. I can't tell you how mad I was. 1- I missed the last sailing trip (the one and only at that point) b/c I was sick 2- Just two days prior, I sent him a Groupon thing about a discount on sailboat rentals. I thought it was clear I wanted to go 3- He never has any money to do anything with me alone but not the case for kid visits. If there is any extra mney for entertainment or meals out, it's for them or all of us, but never as a couple. It turns out he bought two so I can go another time but again, we can't afford that. He could've waited or invited me.

He also says on the phone "They haven't eaten since breakfast. I am going to feed them right now then take them back to BM".

I arrive home at almost 6 PM. They are preparing to go to BMs and left at 6:15. I assumed he'd be back around 730 max. At 7:25 he texted me and was obviously still at BM's house and just leaving. I asked him what was up. He said "Well, I had to stop and feed the kids"

What? So he took them out to dinner Friday and Sunday AND went sailing yet we're too broke to ever go out unless I pay. He got home at 830 and wanted to go eat somewhere. I was pissed and told him to forget it.

Monday I ordered my own dinner b/c I didn't want to wait for him. Tuesday I took my son to dinner (already planned) and last night, he informed me that he was stopping at the gym on the way home which meant he wouldn't be home until like 8:45 or 9. We'd been getting along a little better as the week progressed and it's clear he just wasn't getting why I was upset. I decided to wait and talk to him later when I'd be less upset. Anyway, I was really surprised about the gym because he was leaving town this morning through late Friday for work. Then my Dad and stepmom are coming for the weekend and we hadn't had a meal together in almost a full week. I was feeling exhausted so I went to sleep on the couch.

I woke up to 5 missed calls, two Facebook messages and a text from him. He was driving home on his commute and decided he didn't want to go to the gym and wanted to take me out instead. It was too late. I was beat and not in the mood to go anywhere. He got home and tried to convince me to change my mind and said "we haven't spent any time together". I explained that he should've thought of that before and made plans with me as people do when it's important that they spend time together. He laughingly said "Does that mean we won't be having hot sex tonight?" I said "Oh I see why you suddenly remembered you should take me out to dinner".

He made dinner. We watched TV and he left this morning. We are on good terms but that's mostly because I am tired of fighting, don't want there to be issues when my dad is here and am planning to sit him down next week and explain to him why I've been so upset.

I've had time to think and the long and the short of it is this: Even though certain things have changed, like him not going in BM's house anymore, a lot is still fundamentally the same. Just this week, BM whined that she was losing it with SD and he was quick to try to make her feel better via text. He and BM are always in touch and many times it's not necessary. SD12 is a complete mess and I am thinking that will never get better because the two of them can't seem to understand a simple parenting plan. They have their heads up their asses so far when it comes to her that I don't think they will ever see what's happening clearly. I am starting to think they both use SD as a way to stay somewhat emotionally connected. He is always giving BM the benefit of the doubt on everything, even when she's made it clear she's a mean, selfish woman who really only cares about herself. FDH is all about investing his time and money into his relationship with the kids, but entertainment with me is TV and dinner at home, always. It's the same stuff, just in different flavors now. I do not feel like I am part of the family. I feel like my needs always take a back seat. He simply does not get it.

Now, again, you have to remember that FDH is also one of the sweetest people on the planet. This is a man who gets up an hour before me every weekday and makes breakfast and leaves mine for me when I wake up. He brings me a Diet Coke (my coffee) in a coozie and leaves it by the bed for me every single day. He is ultra loving and affectionate. He's smart, handsome and all that. He's really a good guy. But he just can't seem to figure out how to create strong boundaries with BM and definitely cannot ever be perceived as a bad guy to her or his kids, especially SD.

So I am thinking I just have to assume things will be this way forever. I guarantee you that he and BM will still be in touch a few times a week when all the kids are over 18. "It's about the kids". As I said, I will try to make this all clear to him one more time. But I doubt much will change or stick for long, if it does. I don't want to lose him because he's my best friend and wonderful in so many ways. But this part sucks. So I guess I have to decide what I can live with and what I can't.