Eckkkk!!!!! Xmas is coming!!!
My story is complicated, crazy BM with personality disorder who engaged in PAS to turn SD16 and SD14 against us. SD16 beat me up one year ago, never felt remorse. I was investigated by CPS and the police, no fun!! They were with us 50/50 but moved to their mother's permanently approx. 9 months ago. This was against our wishes. BM has no boundaries and the kids are just a paycheque. They do not even live with her. The kids have been horrible and nasty to me and my DH. I have watched them break his heart.
Now the hard part, my DH is a disney dad because he feels it is the only way he can convince his kids to see him. Very sad. Well, Xmas is coming up and BM just received an order for more CS together with back support, we are broke.
This year would be DH's Xmas with the kids. I'm sure he wants to spend time with them, most likely overnight, big turkey dinner, lavish gifts.... well, I don't. They have damaged me and my children through their actions and I am not interested in any form of relationship with them until they show some remorse for their actions and respect in our household.
My mother asked me the other day what our Xmas plans are and Ladies, my heart nearly stopped. This is not a conversation I want to have with my spouse. He is a wonderful man, very kind but his children are currently under the BM spell we all dread. I do not feel like exposing myself to further lies and further blame.
Solutions anyone?
- anita...sigh's blog
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You're just going to have to
You're just going to have to talk to him about it. See what his expectations of the holidays are and what he wants. Then you'll have to tell him how you feel & what you want, and somehow you'll have to meet in the middle. I do not blame you for one second in feeling the way you do, lord knows I would. Some people may suggest having a seperate holiday from your husband & his kids...him with them & you with your family, but I really would advise against it. You can't let them divide you two. Thats what they want. So if he wants them overnight & a big dinner, maybe have them just half the day & dinner. If he wants to spend $200 on each kid, agree to $100...just try to meet somewhere in the middle. I'm not saying you have to even be nice to them. You can keep your distance while they're around. But try not to let them take over your hubby while you & your kids run off. Then they'll know what they're doing is working & it will only encourage their behavior. Show them how happy you, your hubby & your kids are by getting along & treating each other well. I say all this because my sister had a big issue with my stepmom when we were young & was trying to cause all sorts of problems. She stopped visiting, except right before xmas, of course, and when she finally came over they were just as happy and loving towards each other as before. She got mad that she hadn't done enough damage to make them fight (at least not in front of us) and eventually she gave up. I've always respecting my stepmom for not letting her get to her relationship with my dad. And now my sister likes her.
Just because you CAN give birth, doesn't mean you SHOULD
Hi, Anita...
I went through the adult SDs from HELL holidays for
four years. Someone was always fighting, getting
drunk (oh, I was screamed at I think THREE Thanksgivings ago, with H standing there in tears
not knowing what to do...); it was always total chaos.
Starting last Thanksgiving, I said ENUF IS ENUF.
My BD and I go AWAY for Thanksgivings anymore, H doesn't like it too much, but he knows I have HAD it
with the dysfunction. Of course, once you put your foot down, everyone suddenly wants to "get along and make peace", well, I'm NOT READY yet. Once I see
that these "girls" can BEHAVE (I highly doubt they'll cause problems anymore, but I'm not ready to chance it yet...maybe in a few more years)
Is there any way YOU could MAKE PLANS with your OWN family, even if just for Christmas day? If one of your SDs HIT YOU (that is horrid!!), who would NOT understand that you just don't want to be around her?
You and your kids don't need this....maybe if they see how hurt and sad your H is without YOU for the holidays because of their unpredictable behavior, they'll GROW UP.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
Tough one
Is not seeing them at all an option? Because that would get their attention, not cost you anything and possibly inspire them to oh I don't know, apologize to you!! If you can't get that, I like the compromise idea but if you are not feeling it, just say you want to just be with DH and your kids on Christmas!! That is what we are doing, so we'll see if it helps at all . . .
And BM can see the effects of using PAS on her kids - the kids miss out on opportunities!
And if your SD ever touches you again I hope you file charges against her, SD or not! Deep breaths honey, in, out . . . !
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
My sd was very sneaky when
My sd was very sneaky when it came to hitting me. It started out bumping into me or swinging her backpack around and hitting me. Then it moved on to kicking, I tried to talk to H about it but he didn't believe me until she kicked the crap out of him at the dinner table. After that no kicking at the table. It finally reached the point where I needed eyes in the back of my head. The breaking point came when she pushed me down the porch steps. Luckily I wasn't hurt but I told H that if she ever touched me again I would have her ass arrested. It put a stop to the physical assaults but she moved on to other stuff. I'll talk more about that some other time.