not adjusting to instant family...

Hi,
Well,I'm new to this whole "step"situation so I'm so glad I'm not alone in my feelings.
Ok, I've been with my partner for almost 5yrs and we have been living together for almost 2yrs.
Last year, my partners 14year old son suddenly decided to come and live with us and my world has turned upside down.
I don't have any children of my own yet so the adjustment has been much harder than I expected.
To tell you the truth my partners son is not a bad kid, he hasn't been verbally abusive or disrespectful to me yet, but I utterly resent this boy for no real reason.
I constatntly feel angry, jealous, anxious and resentful toward my partner and his son all the time. My partner and his son are extremely close and do many things together.I accept that..sort of. But I get jealous over random things, like the other morning my partner went and
jumped in bed with his son for a while and I became so jealous and just cried.
I'm angry because this child has come into my life and disrupted my life, I'm resentful because now I have to share my partner with someone else. Before, he lived with us my partner would see his son every second weekend and I could live with that, but nowthat it's on a full time basis I am really struggling.
We used to be so happy, never fight or argue, now we argue all the time.I'm constantly frustrated and resentful.
To make it worse, the BM is a mental case who suffers from bi polar so ss hasn't seen her for over a year, but thankfully, he has finally started seeing her again so hopefully that will take the pressure off a little if he continues to see her.
Everything has changed, we have no more privacy , no romance ,I have had to take on a good proportion of the financial responsibility of this child.I help him with his studies blabla..
I have been to see a counsellor alone and with my partner to deal with the issues of spending quality time together, and "what about us", "what about this relationship" and it helped a little but no great change.
My partner is a great guy, loving , caring , loyal, but the relationship has certainly changed and I'm confused. I love him too bits but the arguing takes it's toll on me both emotionally and physically.
I always could imagime marrying this man as he is wonderful, but now that everything has changed I don't get excited about our lives together cos it revoles around his son now.
I certainly feel 2nd in our relationship now.
I just can't seem to get past the resentment I have towards this boy. I look at him and sometimes want to tell him that I wish he had never come to live with us and that I hate him and his useless mother.
Any advice would be great!

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Just wanted to tell you that

Just wanted to tell you that your feelings are completely normal. You'll find a lot of people here are going through the same thing you are experiencing. Can’t really tell you that things are going to get better but being able to vent here with people who can relate helps. If your partner is understanding, he may be open to therapy. If he has a history of being considerate of your feelings, he may listen to you without a therapist.

thanks..I'll be venting here

thanks, I'll be venting here thats for sure. I hope things do get better, but I've been reading a few posts talking about "disengaging" myself from it all.
might try that...

Angel...you wrote a post I

Angel...you wrote a post I couldve wrote myself! I totalli know what you're going through...I've gotten to the point where I want pointers on how to chase my SD out of the house to her BM. It's not easy...that's for sure but if you really love your man then you can deal with it! Try turning every situation around to the positive...trust me it's not easy but it does work most of the time.

Angel...you wrote a post I

I Too

Got "surprise" custody of a 14 year old boy (who is now almost 17)-Zippy 16 3/4th's and counting.

I could have written your post two years ago-Zip's Mom is Bi-Polar and unable (unwilling) to have him full time let alone EOW-so we basically have Zip 24/7 and Zip is an indoor teen so that literally means 24/7!

The toll it has taken between DH and I is tremendous-you are doing right by going to a counsellor- what does the counsellor say?

I have raised two teenage boys as a single mom-but it does not get any easier-teens are a strange beast unto their own, these can be some brutal years even with a "good" teen.

Your biggest struggle is to remain gracious while feeling resentful at the circumstances-who wouldn't-your life is being disrupted, you are called upon to handle more responsibility, it is normal to feel betrayed like 'Whoa-this is not what I signed up for!"

Take care to nurture yourself, take lots of walks-rack up big phone bills calling out of state/province friends-Ha! Try to find yourself some private time to process this during the adjustment period. Unfortunately-kids just do not "go away"-but they do move out eventually.....Welcome!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

My life

was changed 4years ago when I met my now DH. I had an instant family when I moved into his home a few years after we got together. I also remember feeling kind of jealous about the relationship my DH has with his kids. It's always a balance for him to give me time and spend time with them while they are in our home. Being in a step situation is not something most people are comfortable with right away. We are married now and I am still learning. Plus, I also do not have any biokids either. Take some time to try and understand what it is like for your partner to be in this situation. Get to know his son and try to do things together, all three of you. That will help with feeling let out too. Feeling 2nd sucks but I do know where you are coming from. Keep us posted.

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not adjusting to instant family...

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