no more talking
I'm liking BM more than DH lately. This is the strangest thing. DH called me today "just to say hi" he literally just wanted to say hi then he hung up. He can talk to BM for 20 or 30 minutes a freakin day for 4 months, but now he can't even talk to me for 5 minutes on my lunch break. At least he hasn't talked to BM for 3 days. That makes me happy. I've even looked at the phone bill (didn't tell him I was going to be doing that). He actually hasn't called her and she hasn't called him in 3 days. So I guess when I said he had no reason to be talking on the phone to BM all the time he assumed he didn't need to be talking to me either since I'm the BM of his other kid. Men's thinking amazes me. I am glad that he's not talking to her, she even called me to ask me something about SS today instead of calling DH. I might actually be making progress here!!!!!!!
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I don't understand the need
I don't understand the need in him speaking to BM for 20-30 min a day. Why does he do this and you say the past 4mths? Why just the past 4mths?
Do you think maybe he told her that you didn't want them speaking and maybe thats the reason for the 3days of no contact? And maybe that's the reason she called you instead of your DH about SS?
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“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”
he's a guy
He felt like talking to her. She's had "financial things." Her ex-husband (not him but the next ex) abused her and blah blah blah. Only the past like 4 months because she was married before that. He was the one calling her, so if he doesn't call her she has no need to talk to him. I think it kind of bugs her that he calls her everyday. So I explained to him that him talking to her everyday made me feel like I was having to be second place to his ex. I'm his wife now and I think he should limit their conversations to conversations about the child and only when its needed. If there is a problem, or if the kid is ill or something, but otherwise there is no need to talk to me.
As for BM calling me, SS knew that I would know the answer to the question she needed to ask *it was about the meds I had been giving him* and she knew that as well, so she called to talk to me instead of calling DH and having him calling me and then calling her back.
But I feel like I'm making progress with DH
So I explained to him that
So I explained to him that him talking to her everyday made me feel like I was having to be second place to his ex. I'm his wife now and I think he should limit their conversations to conversations about the child and only when its needed. If there is a problem, or if the kid is ill or something, but otherwise there is no need to talk to me.
------------------> I completely agree with you 100% on this, and believe your feelings about this are completely valid.
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“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”
thanks
I'm glad someone agrees with me and thinks my feelings are valid. Most people apparently think I'm being crazy about this issue.
Not to upset you
But Dh also said that he wouldn't speak to BM anymore. I checked the cell bill and found that he wasn't. I was relieved. Until I heard from SD that he was calling her from his work phone and work cell. Oooooo, I was (and am) po'ed cuz those are phones I can't check so who knows how often they chat and for how long and about what. Just gotta go on blind faith I guess. BTW SD is 20 and SS is 25 so there's no reason for chatting in the first place. Their raising of the "kids" is done.
If anyone knows of a way to check, please do let me know. I certainly don't want to start a fight with us but I also don't like being in the dark. I'm no mushroom.
But your DH could have cut off contact with BM which is why she's calling you. I hope so.
ask
I asked to find out my DH's works policy on personal phone calls on the work phone *just in case I needed to call him there in the event of an emergency* and I now know that I cannot call him on that phone unless I call his boss's extention first and explain that I have an emergency and must speak to him now!!!
ask
I asked to find out my DH's works policy on personal phone calls on the work phone *just in case I needed to call him there in the event of an emergency* and I now know that I cannot call him on that phone unless I call his boss's extention first and explain that I have an emergency and must speak to him now!!!
nomorefaking
Why don't you want your DH to speak to BM anymore? And why does your SD know about this issue? Considering they have children together I would think that they would have to have some level of contact.
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“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”
not what i said
I didn't say that I didn't want them to speak anymore. I don't want them to speak everyday because it is completely unnecessary. The child is 7 and there is no need for them to talk daily about her life or about mine. My SS knows that I would know what kind of medicine I was giving him because he's lived with me two years and knows that I would remember these kinds of things.
Sorry, post wasn't directed
Sorry, post wasn't directed at you. I read nomorefaking's reply and was just curious why she didn't want any contact between her DH and the BM.
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“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”
oh sorry
I'm not used to how these reply things work. They are confusing
MM
Because the "kids" are now adults and out of college and doing their own thing. It would be different if they were under 18. I just think it's wrong to continue to keep contact going when there's nothing to discuss regarding the skids anymore. Unless one of them is getting married or in the hospital or something, I don't see the reason. And being that they won't talk in front of me, it makes me wonder what's being said that I can't/shouldn't hear. I would never do that to DH. Granted, I don't have an ex, but I just couldn't do that. Being that he moved on when we got married, I think that a part of that is moving on from his ex. I think that she still contacts him because she hasn't moved on yet and I suspect that she never will, so I'll have to deal with this for the rest of my life and it sucks. SD had mentioned a couple of the phone conversations between BM and DH when she was visiting one day. She didn't know that we (DH and I) had discussed this and he admitted that there's no reason for them to talk because there's nothing to talk about anymore. So yes, I was surprised to hear that "mom called him the other day at work", and he admitted to a few other calls from BM. Infuriating.
I know alot of SM are okay with this, but I'm just not one of them.
Ahhhhh I see! I completely
Ahhhhh I see! I completely agree that there shouldn't be anymore communication at this point. I don't, no I Know, I would not be ok with this either. I have a feeling that I too will be dealing with communication from the BM after the Skids turn 18 considering how BM has to constantly let DH know EVERYTHING that is going on, down to when the Skids wipe their butts!
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“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”
Sorry Andrea!
Didn't mean to take over your post.
I wonder what he said to her
I wonder what he said to her that she called you??
nothing
He didn't talk to her... He can't get personal calls at work, she knows that as well as I do emergency calls only and they go through the boss. She had a question where she normally would have asked him, it was during the day and she knew that I would know immediately. I had been giving SS some allergy meds and told her at drop off that they had been working great for him and she might consider switching him to that if he needed it more at her house. It was a very chaotic time and so when he needed meds again, instead of calling DH to have him call me and having to wait hours for a response, she actually found my phone number (SS knows it) and gave me a very polite call and asked me if I remembered the name of the meds that I was giving him because she wanted to go buy him some and she knew that if she called DH it would be hours before she actually got a response and he really needed it.
She's coming around now that she's got a new Boyfriend. She's much nicer to humans when she's "gettin some" The past week she has been super sweet to me and hasn't spoken to DH more than 5 minutes (he stayed home with SS and she told him what time he needed the meds and left)
DH didn't invite her in the house and didn't start a conversation with her...
He's actually making progress, No personal talking for days... I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!
Thats great to hear. Co
Thats great to hear. Co parenting is easier if you keep things about the kids, friendly but strictly "bizness".