Brutal Honesty!!!
Haven't written in a while but have been reading and there seems to be A LOT of brutal honesty going on lately so here goes:
1) I'm ruining my BS7(guilt-parenting/disney mom)
2) I'm ruining my SS12, can't seem to get past despising him, probably not even him I despise anyway but he sure does take the brunt of whatever it is going on in my own head.
3) Not even sure if I'm really in love with H. I think I fell OUT of love with HIM and IN love with who he COULD be.
4) ExH comes back into my life in about 2mths. A LOT of unresolved issues, and I don't know if I'm actually over him and OUR marriage.
So there it is in a nutshell. Not exactly sure what's going on here I just NEEDED to get this stuff off my chest and admit things to myself that up until now I've stuffed away. Being brutally honest with yourself is harder then being brutally honest with someone else. This has taken me an hour to type between the tears, the deleting and the re-reading.
Thnx for being here ST!!!
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Comments
Nobody is perfect. We ALL
Nobody is perfect. We ALL make mistakes. We all question ourselves.
1. Do what makes YOU happy.
2. Do what makes BS happy.
3. Worry very little about the rest of it.
We all have a very short time on this little blue rock, so we have to make the most of it. Don't live an unhappy life.
It is awesome that you could
It is awesome that you could write this. Very brave. Do you think counseling would help you? I think you are going to have to deal with all of these feelings before you can move on. Whatever you decide, make sure its for you and your son.
I have 2 more kids at home as
I have 2 more kids at home as well, BD17 abd SS16 but they're older and have their own issues as teens. My BD is great, were connected in a way that without me saying a word she knows what her mama is going through.
The problem is I don't know what's gonna make me happy and if I can't make me happy how in the hell am I gonna make anyone else happy. About 8-10 yrs ago you wouldn't have seen a more satisfied, happier person in the world. Then my world was turned upside down and EVERYTHING was taken away. I thought I'd adjusted and moved on but these past couple of months I've really been revaluating my life and decisions I've made. I think today I've been as honest with myself as I've ever been and the truth hurts.
I'm not really sure I want to go to counseling. That old adage "you've made your bed", now I guess I need to lie in it.
There's been a lot of issues with SS12, A LOT, and I've always said hed be the reason for divorce, but is it my issues with him or my issues with myself? IDK.
Anyway, I appreciate u guys reading my self-pity moment and taking the time to respond.
I can totally relate to #3
I can totally relate to #3 and somewhat to #2 because of my H's lack of contribution to the family and lack of parenting and preferential treatment for SD11 over my BSs (including OUR BS1!) I don't "despise" SD11 but I don't love her like my own either. I am very uncomfortable when she is around because it feels like she is an uninvited guest that just keeps coming back. My H and are scheduled to attend our first counseling session this Thursday so I guess we'll see how this goes...
Good luck to you!