maybe you should talk to your BF about this. Not about who should sit on the couch, exactly, but about this competition that you fear is brewing. Specifically:

1) if your FSD is doing what you say she is, then she is likely feeling some competitiveness toward you. That, rather than specifically the couch thing, is what should be addressed, because if she feels like you're "taking her place" that could get worse once you're married. I would talk to FH about ways to modify the dynamic in your household so that SD feels like she's being loved and paid attention to -- by BOTH of you -- so that she doesn't feel like she has to compete for attention.

2) about the waiting until you leave the couch and then "stealing it" -- I'd say that this is something that should be addressed as first, a space issue, and second, a behavioral issue. In other words, like you say, you don't "have" to sit next to your FH. But it shouldn't be either/or, either. Can you rearrange your living room so that there's good space for all of you, so it isn't the case that the only other place to be near "the action" (i.e., dad/BF) is on the floor? Maybe a chair right next to that side of the couch? Or is there room on the couch so that BF can sit in the middle and the two of you on either side? Make your living room a place for ALL of you to sit as a family.

And then the "behavioral" issue -- it's rude to take someone's place when you know the person has just left for a second. That should be something FH disciplines her for -- once you've talked about the other issues. It's like grabbing a roll off someone's plate or cutting in line -- it's not a good social practice. For that reason, he should stop her doing it. But I think that the larger issues of her insecurity and making the space a physically welcoming one for all of you need to be addressed first.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

My FH will say something if SD takes my spot on the couch. He'll say, "now you have to get up when she comes back" and she does and she never acts like it's a competition. She has never shown any jealousy or nastiness towards me. When FH isn't home, she will cuddle with me on the couch. Sometimes, I think that when she sees me kiss her dad or sit by him, it dawns on her "Oh, I should give my dad a hug and a kiss too, or sit by him". I think it's cute and my FH loves it. But she knows that Me and FH are a package to be respected and it will benefit her one day when she has a significant other to demand respect for herself. Also, I like when FH and SD cuddle on the couch because I get "his" chair and can just sit there and read and nobody bugs me. What is it about a man's chair?!

15! Watch out! This issue seems to get posted on a lot so I'm sure others will have good advice. I would just say do not back off. She is testing you and she is testing FH. I went through this with my SD16 when she was younger. She would always try and sit next to BF when we watched movies. We have a small TV room with 2 love seats so there are only room for 2 people on the couch. Anyway it was like she was trying to assert the alpha female role in the house and it included me walking next to BF or holding hands with BF.

I'm of the opinion that there is an alpha male and an alpha female in the house. Kids should not ever get to fill those roles or there will be trouble in paradise. I'm not one of those people that think it is "all about the kids". I think adults get the chairs and the couple should get to sit together unless THEY choose not to. I think it is ok to tell the kid to move out of your spot (in a civil way). I don't think the kids get to dictate to the adults when or where or how. When the kids start to think they dictate when or where or how it seems like the family order collapses and the adults, particularly the SP's, get walked all over.

The couch issue is a slippery slope, don't start let SD start that slide in your house.

incident because it may look like you are attacking his SD over something small. How do you get along with SD in other areas? How long have you been together? What helped in my situation was spending time with SD on our own so she can see I wasn't a threat to her and her relationship with FH. She has really backed off on the cuddling and being all over FH.

My SS had similar issues with having to get through doors first when he was about your SD's age.

I finally pulled him aside and told him that as a young man it was his role to hold doors open for ladies and older gentlemen. Now when he is with us I have to stay out from between him and door when his Mom is approaching because he will make absolutely sure he opens the door for her and any other ladies or older males. I created an overly polite monster on this issue.

I would just tell your FH to scoot to the middle when it is couch time for the three of you so that his ladies can each have an arm.

Occasionally I would let the SD sit in the middle then you and FH can have a tickle attack on her and the three of you can have some fun with be a family.

I agree with Belle on the rude to steal a temporarily vacated spot perspective. My SS used to do this frequently and still tries it occasionally. I solved it by sitting on him and digging my butt bones in to his lap. He moves in a hurry. Pretty much now I just point at the place he moved from an he goes back to it. However, we do still enjoy the three on the sofa family time thought a 17yo takes up a bunch more room than a 15mo when he is in the middle.

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)