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Why don't you get it??

Amazedstepmom's picture

Submitted by Amazedstepmom on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 5:26pm

So the other day, my DH home from a business trip when trick or treating was happening in our area. DH was invited to go w BM, kids and her new hubby.
Then SK's come home w DH, I had rented a movie and planned an evening for us after trick or treat. Given day before he went to bed soon after getting home cause of jetlag. So skids come home w DH, I am thinking they will leave around bedtime. Nope...they r staying and I was told indirectly when they were told to get ready for bed. And yet my DH doesn't get it, why would I be upset. The fact u showed me less than common courtesy.

Comments

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 5:47pm

I can't stand when my SO makes plans with skids without discussing it with me. More often than not, I find out things through skids and then have to ask SO, "are we?" I find it incredibly rude!

I'm sorry your evening was ruined. I'm sorry your DH doesn't take you into consideration when making plans with skids.

hanneyh1's picture

Submitted by hanneyh1 on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 5:48pm

My DH does this every now and then and doesn't ask me what I think before agreeing to taking SD4 for more time than the CO says we're allowed. (Which is fine if we get advanced notice right?!) I feel your pain. Hopefully, next time (probably after a talk i'm assuming) that wont happen again!

allinall's picture

Submitted by allinall on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 7:15pm

I feel your pain. My DH does this and has told me that he feels uncomfortable feeling like he has to ask permission for his son to come over.

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Wed, 11/02/2011 - 4:11am

My DH has said the very same thing.... that he feels like he has to 'ask permission' first. So I turned it around. I let my kids (and myself) make plans without saying anything to DH. Then when he mentioned, as he was walking out the door, that he was on his way to get the skids I told him "Have fun! I won't be here when you get back, as I made plans for tonite."

That didn't go over well, and his first statement was, "When did you make plans, and why didn't you say anything to me about it?"

I said, "I didn't know I had to ask permission to go to dinner with my best friend on a Friday night. Don't worry, my kids are going to Grandma's for the weekend. Ooops, did I forget to tell you that too?"

Just turning the tables on him. The next day he was still upset, and I explained to him that it's not a matter of "asking permission" but of letting the other ADULT know what's going on. I pointed out that he had known for 3 days he was going to have his kids on a day he doesn't usually have them, but neglected to tell me ("I forgot... I really thought I told you."). He just always assumes I don't have anything planned, and I'll be around. I told him to quit assuming - because I have to quit assuming I know in advance when his kids are going to be here since he neglects to tell me when plans change.

One time he didn't tell me they were coming until they showed up. Imagine his surprise when he didn't get served any dinner because I didn't make enough to accomodate all of us (they showed up 15 min before dinner was served). While the kids ate lasagna, my DH received 2 slices of bread, some cheese, and a couple slices of bologna for dinner. Just WHO did he think I was going to take the lasagna away from so that HE could eat it?

It's not a perfect situation yet, but it's getting there.

sonja's picture

Submitted by sonja on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 10:28pm

My FDH tried to say 'Ill figure it out and talk to BM' when I brought up xmas this year.. I said 'arent you going to talk to me first?'

He said of course you always come first. I always talk to you beforehand.. I said not always.. and he got upset!

WE are the WIVES! WE come first! Its not asking permission if your kid can come over, its discussing plans with the other adult in the house before decisions are made!