I have been a stepmother for about 10 years now. SS is almost 16. My hubby's ex came back into the picture last xmas and all hell broke lose in my personal being. All of the sudden we were evil and his mom was queen. Whenever she pops in his life she wants to be his only mom even when he was little and he called me mom she corrected him and told him she was his mom and I was his stepmother, she did not want him to call me mom. This woman over the years has seen him maybe 2 or 3 times a year. I realize he wants to have a relationship with her, but I cannot help this anger I have. I'm torn between what is good for the kid and what isn't. On one hand she has been clean for over a year as far as I know. On the other hand she is still the same game playing manipulative twist the story kinda child she always was. Oddly my SS is the same way. It's got to be genetic. The disadvantage for me is that SS father works out of town a lot, so I am left dealing with any crap that comes up while he is gone. There isn't any set visitation and hubby has sole custody. The ex family usually calls around holidays to see SS and BM is usually there. Then they have a grand ol' time telling him how they love him and throwing presents and cash at him. SS comes home and yep you got it acts like an ass because we are so evil and abusive to expect anything out of him other than to look good in his new shoes. I think he should get to know her, but I also think he is so blinded by the fantasy that he will not really know her like we do. I wonder if he will ever understand why we cannot be friends with her. I wonder if he will ever wake up and say omg this woman raised me and loved me like her own for years and my birth mom was never around. I should probably mention that up until last xmas I never felt like his stepmother. After the ground fell beneath me I did everything I could to avoid conflict with him. At this point sometimes I just wished for my own selfish emotions that hubby would just pack the kids bags and dump him off at his moms house with no money or support of any kind like she did so many years ago. I want her to make life changing decisions solely for the good of the kid. I want her to be the rule maker and prison keeper when he breaks rules. I want her to be the one saying no you can't go anywhere because your grades suck. I want her to worry and stress about his future and well being. I want her to teach him something valuable and honest. I want her to be a real mother.