Previously on My So Called StepLife.... SD17 was pregnant and determined to move in with her boyfriend, who is 23, overly controlling, and has a prior conviction for domestic abuse. The best of the bad options available was to insist that she spend at least one night a week at our house, and both of them spend all day Saturday with us. Last Saturday night was also to be the "family get together", where the boyfriend's family (mother, mom's boyfriend, grandmother, and grandmother's new DH) came to dinner so we could get to know them. And now for our next installment....

SD17 slept at our house Friday night, and it went very well. We talked, a lot, and I think we managed to plant some food for thought with her. (For example, she mentioned that BF doesn't want her to get a job, he wants to be "the Man of the House", but his mom thinks he should "let" SD17 get a job. *sigh* We pointed out that she has always had an independent personality, it's one of the things we love about her and a core part of her personality. Without it, she wouldn't be "her". Also that this is not 1947.) We also told her that if she ever, for any reason, wanted to get out of BF's GBM's house that she would be welcome in ours and also that both of us are always 100% on HER side. I think it went well.

Saturday The Clan came over, and it was... weird. I don't just mean awkward (although it was that, too). I mean the behavior of most of The Clan was sort of weird. We had planned to order pizza and eat outside because BF claims that he "doesn't do" family dinners and has refused every invitation to eat at our house. He said he would do pizza if we didn't sit at the table, so fine. Anyway, when The Clan showed up Mom and Gramma sat down and at least expressed an interest in talking to us. Mom's BF went to lie down in our hammock, and Gramma's DH just sort of wandered off around our yard. Ooooookay. Eventually Mom's BF got out of the hammock, grabbed a brownie (Gramma had brought them for dessert) and went and joined Gramma's DH. BF's Mom started playing games on her phone. Gramma, at least, gamely continued having a conversation with us.

I actually liked Gramma, I think she's probably not nuts and is a genuinely nice person. And I think Gramma's DH (who, BTW, is not actually related to *any* of these people) is probably a nice enough man but he's stuck in a crappy "stepdad" situation where he's got to make nice for his wife's sake but would honestly rather be left alone. I get that, and I don't hold it against him. (For that matter, Mom's BF is in the same boat - although I don't get that same "nice guy" feeling from him that I do from Gramma's DH. Mom's BF is a bit.... loopy. Like "I wonder what drugs he took today?" kind of loopy.)

Mom is pushy though. It's not that I DISlike her, but she is in no way someone I would ever talk to if I didn't have to. Oh, and she also made some comment to her son about family dinners, and how he most certainly DOES sit at the table when he comes to family dinner at her house. I think his whole dinner thing is a minor neurosis that he's carefully nurturing so he can be "mysterious" and "different" and it's just weird and stupid. I might be biased because I seriously dislike him though. Maybe.

Anyway, overall dinner went fine. I was pleasantly surprised to like Gramma, which is who SD17 is living with (not Pushy Mom), so between that and talking to her Friday night I feel a bit better about this situation. I still think it's going to go to hell in a hand-basket eventually and that BF is an abuser and SD is going to need an out in a hurry once she recognizes it, but for now I think she's physically safe. DH and I will keep stressing her emotional safety and giving her as much support and encouragement as we can, and we'll just have to keep reevaluating as we go.