So SD 10, has a cell phone. Her Grandhag on BMs side bought it for her in a panic when DH got temp full custody, and continues to be responsible for the bill. DH had told both BM and grandhag that he thought SD was too young for  cell phone and so he would not be taking responsibility for it. It is supposed to be SD's responsibility to text grandhag and let her know when the bill needs to be paid (its just a prepaid). She gets a text every month telling her when its due. Well because DH isn't taking responsibility for the phone and SD is 10 her phone usually gets suspended for non payment for a day or two before SD tells grandhag her phone needs paid. 

Well SD noticed her phone was off on Friday, didn't tell me and DH until Saturday and we told her that we weren't going to text grandhag until after the weekend about it because it was her responsibility. She could still play games and listen to music while were home and shes connected to wifi. SD could still receive phone calls and text messages, she just couldn't make or send them. So yesterday I text grandhag to let her know that SD's phone was off. She responds with "is it because the bill needs to be paid or because you suspended it".... I don't have access to her account, we don't even know what service provider she uses, so how exactly would I have suspended her phone? Also, when is the last time you paid it? was it more then 30 days ago? then it probably needs paid again don't you think?.. Instead of saying any of these things, i simply told her that yes, it needs paid. 

Grandhag then adds me, DH and BM to a group conversation to inform BM that Sd's phone is off. BMs phone is also suspended.... Shocker. so I informed grandhag that BMs phone is also in active last I knew. 

DH calls me later in the day (hes ya know at work, cuz he actually has a job) and asked why BM is texting him demanding to know why SD's phone is off, that her and her hag of a mother have been desperately trying to get ahold of SD for days... Except SD hadn't received a single text message or missed a phone call from BM since Halloween. I told DH that I wasn't sure but that grandhag knew what was going on and was taking care of it so it is what it is. Mind you this is a reoccurring situation with this phone, not the first time its gotten suspended for non payment. DH usually doesn't respond to BM while he is working, so after an hour or so, BM messages me on Facebook, again demanding to know why SD's phone is off and that her and her mother have been trying to get ahold of SD and haven't been able to. (but y'all never thought to call DH or I's phone?)

Well as the tittle reads, It was not the day and I was not the one. I respond to BM that "Her phone was off because your mom didn't pay the bill. You really haven't tried that hard to get a hold of her BM cuz she can still receive text messages, and hadn't gotten any from you or your mom. DH and I didn't hear anything until after I informed your mom her phone was off, so get outta here with that bullshit. Also if you tried getting a hold of her today and she didn't answer it's cuz she's in school like she's supposed to be. This is information your mom already had so you texting DH and then me when he didn't answer you fast enough is unnecessary. Thanks, have the day you deserve."

Not even 5 minutes later I get a screen shot of this conversation sent to me by BM's mother, asking why I have to be so rude and that there are things that I just don't know but that she doesn't wish to discuss what I think I know and what I don't know... Grandhag loves to send long messages and that at the end tell me to not bother responding unless it has to do with... whatever she thinks we should be catering to BM over. So I sent her "Listen lady you don't get to send messages to my phone and then tell me when I do and do not get to respond. Every single message I have received from you is snarky, condescending and passive aggressive. Please stop contacting me from here out." 

While at the same time Im still going rounds with BM. she responded to my last text with "I have tried to get ahold of her AllIsFair and she has yet to ever respond to texts or calls my phone is off at the moment but I am also able to get calls and she is able to use one of your guys phones to call and I will answer I have sent messages using wifi to inform her and always have time for her to talk and to see her on the times I have been allowed. I have Sundays just about figured out with my aunt as supervisor and working on Sat with the boys supervisor. Thanks for letting me know"

Me: "Well SD's phone says otherwise. Did you ever consider that she doesn't want to talk to you? That DH and I tell her that she should respond and she chooses not to because you've let her down every chance she's given you. You showed up to a visit for ten minutes, and lectured her about her hair. Which she earned btw. So no she doesn't believe that you always have time for her because you proven to her that's not true. You haven't even tried to use your time the last two weekends. Congratulations 8 months later and you ALMOST have a supervisor figured out *clapping emoji*"

TO WHICH SHE SCREENSHOTTED IT AND SENT IT TO DH TELLING HIM TO MAKE ME STOP!! because I "have no right to talk to me like that and continue to stick my nose in"... Girl, you literally contacted me first.... 

BM's next message to me "I wanted to stay for longer and gave her the choice and asked her if she wanted me to or if she would rather go back to playing football with the plans she had. I have had BD completely turn down every person I have given as an option because they have to be supervised and haven't had anyone or response from you guys to do so. I haven't been lecturing her about her hair or anything like that to that level. She still should respond to me and talk to me about those things and yes she does always have my time like she always has had because she is my daughter and I her mother. I haven't proven to her any of that when ever part of our time has been dwendelled and taken from us." (lets not talk about how trying to decipher her texts make my brain hurt).

My final response (that she didn't even read) "She told you she wanted you to stay but that she wanted to keep playing football too, at which point you should have stayed and engaged in something your child was interested in. Instead you chose to leave. 2 people BM, he has denied 2 people. One has a history of domestic violence with you and the other one has no previous relationships with SD, and is your significant other which automatically makes him an inappropriate supervisor. Nice try though. You've made her feel like shit every time she has earned her hair being colored. Or did you not think we heard you tell her that it doesn't matter if she doesn't live with you right now she still has to follow your rules and you told her no. You have shown her that you don't have the time for her, and she doesn't feel safe telling you those things because you make her feel bad for being upset with you. Maybe try to get in some therapy sessions for the both of you together, like you claimed you were trying to do in January. Your relationship with your daughter needs work

You can stop trying to have my husband handle me. You contacted me first demanding answers and lying. Freedom of speech sweety, if you don't like the way I talk to you then stop contacting me. *kissy face emoji*"

First of all i want to say that I was absolutely rude. After 10 months of being perfectly nice I hit my limit. Everything I said was circled around SD and BM's relationship not being healthy, call it constructive criticism. BM then started blowing up SD's phone with text messages... SD put her phone on Do No Disturb.

Out of the at least 6 times that SD's phone has been suspended, it has never gone this far. Im sure that they were just trying to catch us in something they thought we did wrong (court order doesn't say anything about SD's phone or that it needs to be active, or anything). If only she would put that much effort into actually seeing her daughter, talking to her, repairing their relationship, literally anything. 

Well after all of this, SD came to Dh and told him that she had been keeping something from us, and it was making her feel bad in her heart and told him that over Halloween weekend (the one that BM and grandhag decided to hijak) that grandhag spent the whole time talking bad and saying mean things about DH and I and that she told SD That she had to promise not to tell us and to keep it a secret... you know the grandhag who has sent me countless messages about all of her CPS training, and how were being detrimental to SD's mental and emotional wellbeing because we aren't forcing her to talk to her BM or bending over backwards to make exceptions for BM needing a supervisor. That same person on her high ass horse is alienating SD. We may say things about BM that we probably shouldn't sometimes, were human we make mistakes, but we have never told her to lie or hide anything from anyone. 

Idk what Im looking for here, maybe advice, maybe I just needed to vent, Im not sure.