I am absolutely new to blogging but am in need of help!!!!  I am not married to my loving significant other nor do I live with him.  We both have daughters who are 17 and about to graduate next year.  We have talked about the move in when they head off to college.  I have a 26 daughter living on her own and he has a 20 son that is living at home.  

We are both divorced and 51 and have been together for almost 3 years.  When we started our relationship, we were both separated and all children were aware of it.  I was not invited into his home until a little over a year into it.  The only child that is not ok with us being together is his 17D.  She has made every effort to not be around me and throws the F bomb at her dad everytime she is aware that we are together.  He has been slapped, door slammed and phone thrown at his face.  His exwife seems to encourage the behavior and does nothing when we ask for help or suggest couseling.  His 17D thinks that I am the reason her parents are not together.  This year I was not allowed to attended his family Xmas get together because she threatened not to go if I did.  His family absolutely loves me and had invited me to Thanksgiving prior.  17D was furious and through a tantrum the following week in front of everyone demanding that I do not attend xmas.  Before Thanksgiving I was at my SO house and had stayed the night.  There is no set visitation for his 17D and she will not comply with any requests to have her over or even let us know her plans.  She comes and goes as she pleases and will not respond to texts.  I have stayed at his house numerous times but this particular time she stole my jacket from the kitchen while we were sleeping.  At first my SO thought maybe I didn't have a jacket.  I told him that I definitely did and his daughter had to have taken it.  She later admitted she took it and would not return it.  My SO and his ex would not punish her or make her return it.  A few weeks later my SO friend stayed at his house for the weekend and his suitcase was taken.  My SO 17D thought it was mine.  The friend eventually found it under the stairs in the basement.  My jacket was found by my SO 3 mo. after it had been taken in a china hutch and returned it to me.

Since then I have tried counseling with my SO to improve his relationship with his daughter and find out ways to work through this.  Our relationship is strong and we have stuck together through a lot. We love each other very much and feel lucky to have found each other.  Unfortunately he has not taken any advice from counseling and has decided not to continue.  Last week I had a nice talk with his 17D for an hour and a half out of the blue.  That has never happened and I was really happy that maybe we have finally connected.  On Friday I spent the night like I do very often on the weekends.  17D was texted to see if she wanted to play ping pong and come eat with no response.  My 17D came over and we had fun.  

The next morning I woke to find my nice $250 winter coat missing from the kitchen.  I thought it was safe there since things seemed to be ok now.  At first SO thought I didn't wear a coat and I insisted I was not crazy.  I suggested his 17D was at her stealing again.  She would not open her room door and would not come out when he knocked.  He didn't push the issue and waited til later for her to come out and talk.. I had since gone home furious.  She again admitted to taking it and will not return it.  It has been 4 days now and I stilll do not have my coat.  No punishment of any kind has been put into place.  The ex will not enforce anything and his 17D has fled from the home to stay who knows where.  When he tries to text to get her to return the coat she tells him to F off and have a nice life.

I feel stuck and so angry that I wish I could call the cops and have them scare her.  If the parents can't do the right thing then where do I go?  I don't want to cause more damage but I dont feel like his home is a safe place for me to be.  He wants me to continue to come over and this will all blow over at some point.  I don't believe it will without some very hard intervention.

Any thoughts will help at this point!  All of the other children support the relationship and do not cause any grief for us.  My 17D is willing to do what she can to get his 17D to be ok with it but she never gets the opportunity.