WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED- YIPPEE!
Last week I wrote about how my life was so not cool because of the tension and stressful environment that I had to deal with at home because of the SD10.... I talked about how manipulative she was and how she has made my life unbearable when she is with us (her father and I). Well, last week I also posted about how I was done with this stressful relationship and that I was unwilling to get married because it would only get worse as she gets older…. A LOT HAS CHANGED SINCE that post... I did go and sign a lease to an apartment. Ironically however, I don’t know if it is me, her or even her dad. But since I signed the lease, we have all been getting along so WONDERFULLY. I haven’t told him that I have an apartment… A weight was lifted from my shoulders when I signed the lease, how happy I was and am. AS SOON AS I WASHED MY HANDS OF THEM, is when I was able to breathe again… and now we all get along well…. I wonder was it me this whole time being stressed because I didn’t have a safe haven, and now that I do has my attitude changed and is this why MY EXISTENCE AT HOME ISNT STRESSFUL AT ALL!!! When should I tell him? OR IS STILL ALL AN ILLUSION????
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You probably are not going
You probably are not going to like what I have to say, but I'll say it anyways. Your choice if you want to read it or not.
Ok, so you go get a new place and you feel like this weight has been lifted. You have told no one about your new place, but all of a sudden everyone has been getting along great.
No offense, but it sounds like your attitude was the problem in the first place. Now that your attitude has changed, things have gotten better...but that's is a good thing. It's showing you something.
It's up to you to recognize that or not. I could be way off base here, but I just know what you've written here and am going off what you're telling us.
~It is not your flesh and blood that makes you a parent....it is your true heart.~
i think that it is more that
i think that it is more that i feel like i dont have to endure the stress and manipulation from the SD and the FDH.... I have a way out, and that makes me feel so much better.... the SD and the FDH will goes days withouit talking to me if the FDH is upset with me... it has been so stressful and now he doesnt have the upper emotional hand on me.
So basically, it was your
So basically, it was your mind set about the whole thing that was making your outlook miserable. Sounds like you felt like you had to cater to everyone bc you had no choice and now that you have a choice you feel better but then suddenly when you feel better so does everyone else and your situation is way better...my deductive reasoning tells me that FDH and SD were getting negative vibes from you and responded with the same level of negativity. Obviously if your mood is brighter and your mind is positive then they feel it too otherwise your situation wouldn't have noticibly improved, it would still be the same crap only you'd have a place to run to when it went sour.
Perfect example of how changing yourself can change others and your situation for the better.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
i agree with you ... i
i agree with you ... i should mention however that this past weekend he tried to get me pulled into a couple of arguements and i simply wouldnt take the bait... and i think it is becuz i feel much better about the possible outcomes that can happen.... he is a anxious person and it has always been pulled into the madness.... NOW though i know that he can't manipulate me to get me pulled into the madness.... i do feel a great sense of relief now, becuz i dont have to take it... the negativity... his SD is manipulative with her dad and I and it effects my relationhsip with him... i am able to breathe now becuz before i was stuck with being ignored and not feeling at home. I think that he senses that i am done and that is why he has changed up... AND YES I THINK THAT MY ATTITUDE HAS CHANGED BECUZ I KNOW THAT I DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH AND LIVE DAILY WITH FEELING LIKE AN OUTSIDER...
You wrote "Feeling like an
You wrote "Feeling like an outsider..." Those are very powerful words, and exactly how pretty much most of us in these situations feel.
A 3rd wheel in our own home - home is supposed to be where we are safe and secure. That lease is giving you the security and the acceptance that you aren't getting with DH and SD. That would make it a little bit easier to breath for any of us.
Sometimes it gets so bad you need those little victories, even if they are kept to yourself.
i wonder though... if it
i wonder though... if it appears better becuz he is afraid to lose me... will it go back to the same as soon as he gets comfortable again....???thank you for your advice. most people that dont have FSD dont understand how they can suck the life out of you
Well, it could go back to
Well, it could go back to the way it was. Then you'll have to go through all this again. It's hard to say without being in your shoes and knowing the full story, his personality, etc. Chances are good though that you'll give up the apartment, he'll get comfy again, and you'll be miserable. And if he's already trying to pull you into fights....
Maybe it's best that you keep the apartment and you guys live separately for the time being. It will give you the much needed space you need. A sanctuary from the storm, so to speak.
~It is not your flesh and blood that makes you a parent....it is your true heart.~
Maybe is it because you feel
Maybe is it because you feel like they have the control in everything and this is one thing that you've done for yourself that they can't manipulate and control? If things get too bad, you can escape?
Once you feel like you have some control back, even if it's only just 1 thing, a weight is lifted and you somewhat disengage because regardless, you know you'll be ok. This feeling will give you a calmness and be less combative, less tension. Unfortunately, Skids are like dogs, they can smell fear (or tension). If they don't sense it, they can't play on it.