My thoughts
ive read some of these entrys and i think its HORRIABLE what some of these step moms are saying!! If you knew they man had a kid b4 u married him then hwy did you marry him in the first place?! when u married him you "married" his kids to. you took the place of her/his mom. Kids are a blessing from God no matter if they are a perfect little angel or a little deman child! its stupid for a step parent to say they want THEIR HUSBANDS KIDS to leave. i havnt been to the house i grew up in for almost 3 years and i have stood up for myself and said thats my house i was here b4 you now get your butt outa here. and now im standing up for all the kids who dont have the courage to stand up for them selfs and for the kids who are to little to stand up for them self... These kids deserve a home with a good motherly and fatherly figure in the house and where the biological parents spend QUALITY time with them! my parents dont talk and cant stand to look at eachother! i hate it! it breaks my heart that i cant have my parents n the same room as eachother so i cn tlk to both of em together, it also breaks my hear that my dad doesnt have the guts to stand up for me and my brother and tlel my step mom to get out of the house so he can see us at the house we grew up in! this is for all the dads out there.... STAND UP FOR YOUR KIDS! ONE DAY THEY ARE GOING TO BE GONE AND YOURE GOING TO WONDER WHERE THAT TIME WENT!! IF YOU DONT STAND UP FOR THEM NOW, YOU NEVER WILL IF YOUR WIFE TREATS YOUR KIDS LIKE $#!+ THEN YOU NEED TO TELL HER TO HIT THE ROAD... YOUR KIDS SHOULD COME FIRST!! ME AND MY BROHTER DONT COME FIRST WITH EAITHER PARENT AND IT KILLS US THAT WE DONT!! make you kids life worth living! make them feel special and loved not hated and that you cant wait til they leave!!
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I like this place because it
I like this place because it is a place to vent. I think every situation is different. I think some of the things on this site are said in a venting manner and not said in real life. I am also a child of divorce (my bio's can't stand each other to this day) and am thankful that both of my stepparents were strong enough to stay in mine and my brother's life, because it is hard to be a stepparent. I think my bio's had it right by having the united front with thier new partners. I have respect for all of my parents and don't think I would have any respect for my stepparents if my bio's didn't back them up or let them have a say in their own home. Being a stepparent is truly the most thankless job ever. I am guessing you aren't a stepparent or that your step children are complete angels.
As I read, I figured that
As I read, I figured that this could not be a logical adult writing. she is a stepchild, let me say that again, a CHILD...
Becoming a step mother
Becoming a step mother doesn't automatically make you the mother to the step kids, the step kids still have both parents in most cases and I'm sure the biological parents would resent someone taking over their role as parents. Step parents should HELP with the raising of the skids but often times the steps become money providers and maids, that's where the resentments stem. You can't have an adult who is expected to care for children not have any say so or allow kids to run over them because they are steps. While you are entitled to your opinion I don't think you get the dynamics of step parenting and how step parents are often used and abused.
You hit the head on the
You hit the head on the nail!!!
I think its horrible too,that
I think its horrible too,that my future stepson? thinks that because I am with his father that he can walk all over me and my kids,that he is entitled to try to run OUR house even when he doesn't pay bills or contribute in any way.It's just horrible.
I agree, skids don't get to
I agree, skids don't get to just boss around the new spouse because they can. Anyone who thinks they should needs to have their head examined. It doesn't do good for anyone including the kid to allow this
When it got to the point
When it got to the point where my step mom was yelling at me because i didnt fold the towels right (and yes she has do tht b4) thats when it got stupid and when i culd hear her yelling at my dad with my little sister in her arms ( which at the time was like 3 or 4) thats what made me mad... kids dont have the right to bad mouth their steps or bio parents and i regret telling her half the stuff i told her but she needed to know i felt about what she was doing
I have a stepmom and my exH
I have a stepmom and my exH has a wife, so I am a BM in her situation...I understand what your saying but there is a difference between letting one set of kids and their desires be the center of a family...I feel that a new family should include all members...
Of course kids are priorities but the world can't stop for one kid's unrealistic demands...fear of loss of affection shouldn't let these parents just kow tow to BMs and SKs.
In my opinion, it's the wrong thing for kids...it's teaching them that the the world is here to meet their desires, and as we all know, it's not that way at all...
I think this person has some
I think this person has some major issues...the mother is no better than the father, yet it seems the majority of the anger is geared towards the smom and dad...as usual. The house i can assure you was split in the divorce or the mother got an equal share of benefits, but the anger is "that's my house"...
I as a kid of an intact family was always reminded by my parents "this is my house and you live here by my rules, the day you pay the bills, then you can say this is your house!". Now kids of divorce instead say "this is my house and if you don't like how I treat you or your spouse, too bad!"
Now that's an entitled brat!
I was a skid,my stepfather
I was a skid,my stepfather raised me and one thing that I saw that is different in my own relationship now is that if my mother said no,my stepfather said no,even though he may have wanted to because he wanted me to love him.If my stepfather said no then my mother had his back.I loved him more because of that.Now if my kids are disrespectful of my fiance I have his back,I just wish he had mine also.
Well said and explained!!!!
Well stated BLM! "When the
Well stated BLM!
"When the dust settles and the children are grown you are at home with your spouse. If you spend your whole life trying to find someone that your children love like their own mother you will fail every time. And when they do leave the house you will be at home alone."
Kids grow up and (hopefully) move on with their lives. They're still your your 'kids' (for lack of a better word), but they get on with their own lives. Isn't their father/mother allowed to do the same? Yes, keep the 'kids' in your life, but the SPOUSE has every right to stick around as well. Treating them like garbage only puts a wedge between the 'kid' and their parent. Also, not ALL SMs on here are dealing with younger children.
I hope for your sake that you have someone that you can talk to regarding your family situation.
oh geez another no-it-all who
oh geez another no-it-all who probably has a perfect steplife. if u dont like what we are saying, then get the heck off this site!
EXACTLY! You summed it all up
EXACTLY! You summed it all up with your response!!!
Gee, can't you see that she
Gee, can't you see that she is the stepkid, not stepparent?
people who have a good step
people who have a good step life have a good life cz its hard to see someone else with your parent and it rly hard to see them with tht other person becuase you know your parents had some kind of love together
I'm sorry I got in on this so
I'm sorry I got in on this so late, but BLM and Startingover2010 summed it up quite nicely!
If she spent one week in the house with my lazy, petty, mean spirited SD (26) I bet she'd be singing a different tune!
I have a lazy petty mean
I have a lazy petty mean spirited 23 year old stepson,we could fix them up and maybe they can move in together...YEAH!
Their children wouldn't have
Their children wouldn't have chance
Their children wouldnt make
Their children wouldnt make it past the attaching to the womb process ... no worries
He also has to be a scatter
He also has to be a scatter brain . . SD walked out today and left the tv on. Please please say we can move them in together . . . . in Singapore!
Yeah,so they could move into
Yeah,so they could move into our house with their lazy,mean spirited kids and live here for free.I think I'll have nightmares tonight :jawdrop:
They can come back from
They can come back from Singapore,it has to be some place with no roads or airstrips,some place like an Island,not yet discovered by man!
for one I am 13 and I've been
You sound like a a kid who is
You sound like a a kid who is not getting her way, she's not your mother you have a mother and its not her. She has no responsibility to you and I may try to see your point but you come in her calling her names and making accusations of her to prove your point. Many of us have been so manipulated by step kids I doubt you will find much pity here. You may want to google for a step kid site
Her first marriagae she was
Her first marriagae she was for about 3 years... second marriage 3 WEEKS her husband paid her to leave... 3rd marriage didnt even last to the honeymoon 4th got paid %5,000 to leave.now she with my dad
Little girl you need to learn
Little girl you need to learn your role. You are a child. Did your mother tell you thats how it happend? That she got your dad into bed and there you go. How do you know she has been married 5 times did mommy dearest tell you that one too? One day when you grow up you'll realaize that you got the wrong story. Poor baby.
What did that woman have to
What did that woman have to do with your parents divorce. And what would you know about the inner world of adults anyways at age 13?
Also before you call your SM a hoe, consider that every morsel of food, the roof over your head and the clothes on your back she contributes to and you are not even her child. So stop being an ungreateful little ingrade try to go over your "hurst" and attempt to be a nice little girl.
"The only reason my dad
"The only reason my dad married the HOE (shes been married 5 time) was because she got my dad in bed"
Hummmm, let me guess, your mommy taught you this right as in there is no way in hell your Dad may luv her.
I'm a product of divorce too and my SM was truly evil, however, it was my dad's right to be married to who ever he wanted to.
May I ask, how long have your parents been divorced? If this is a new situation for you, give it time. I can assure you your Dad loves you very much. You are young and apparently way to involved in your parent's personal life.
My dad has told me what
My dad has told me what happened and y he is wiht her and my mom has never trashed talked my dad my dad was the one who cheated on my mom when she was 5 months preggo with my brother and she let it go then almost 5 yrs aftr i was born they divorced... feburay 5th 2003
Your dad should have NEVER
Your dad should have NEVER told you that. He put both you and your stepmom in a bad place.
I was a skid too but if I
I was a skid too but if I ever got caught talking the way you do about your stepmother I wouldn't have my teeth. We all lived in the house didn't matter who was there first and as a child I was reminded who paid the bills esp if I wanted something. You should find out if your parents will get you in counseling. You are a child not your dad's wife and it seems to me you have issues with another woman in your house, not appropriate.
If you are truly 13 I suggest
If you are truly 13 I suggest you find a forum appropriate for your age. Being involved in adult discussions is not what you should be doing at 13.
To others, I think she needs to be banned/reported to admin and traced/removed from accessing this forum. It is obvious that as adults it is now our duty to monitor this child's Internet usage since the parents aré doing such a poor job themselves.
I ask all of you to ignore her posts and try to get her ip banned/restricted instead. You see, her parents are responsible for her misery, but God forbid something happens to her, they will blame this site and us for our responses to her.
I don't know how to report her, can someone else do it or tell me how?
Ugh.... I wish I'd read this
Ugh.... I wish I'd read this before I replied. You're right.....
I refuse to argue with
I refuse to argue with teenagers. Hormones and illogical thinking go hand in hand. We were all teenagers once. Perhaps there should be a StepKid website? "Where Stepkids Come to Whine."
PS - I am a stepkid too. I loved my stepfather and I thankfully saw how he was a great man (before he passed away).
I am a SM who actually agrees
I am a SM who actually agrees with you to a point. I personally was also taken aback by some the things I read regarding SM's feelings for their SCs when I first found this site. Then I reminded myself that this was a place where SPs come to VENT, & that maybe this was in fact NOT the way they feel about these children at all, but instead emotions like frustration talking.
For the record, in my case I fully understand that my issues are not with my SCs but with my H, so I don't hate my SCs and have always gone out of my way to treat them well even when I didn't particularly want to or think that I should. Further, not only do I NEVER have any intention of standing in the way of my H parenting his children, but instead all I've ever wanted was for my H to actually PARENT his children, & if he ever thought I was standing in the way of that then he was more than welcome & SHOULD'VE left since this is MY HOUSE that he & his children stay in.
Now that I got that out of the way, let me try to point what you may be missing when you post something that sounds like you ASSUME that BM is always the one to blame if dear old Dad isn't an active part of his children's lives &/or does not get always with BM:
1) SM may NOT that known what she was getting into simply because the guy had children. There are something that are not neccesarily easy to see until you are living with/married to someone, including how they actually parent their children in their home on a day-to-day basis and how their financial situation among other things,
2) Things may have changed since the marriage. Maybe BM died or kicked the children out & now they rely more or solely upon Dad than they did when Dad first married SM,
3) Maybe the children grew up & the relationship between children & SM changed. Teens can be especially hard to deal with even when they are your own children, but if you couple that with absent, negligent or alienating BMs and/or guilty Disney Dads that may be WAY more than SM bargained for & is willing to put up with,
4) Maybe Dad's actions in parenting his children have or lack thereof have created a hostile environment where SM feels used, taken advantage of, unappreciated &/or disrespected by Dad & SKs so that she begins to resent their very presence, or finally
5) Maybe it's not BM at all but dear old Dad himself that is the culprit. Some parents are just selfish and can't be "bothered" with their own children. Sad, but they do exist.
Hope this was at least enlightening for you.
2-14-104ever If you had come
2-14-104ever
If you had come here and written something that wasn't so full of hate, accusations etc, people might have taken you seriously and given you some advice on how to try and improve your situation. (and FYI, telling a stepparent that they need to leave won't improve anything.) That said, if you feel that you're not a priority at either parents home look at yourself first and foremost and try to figure out how you're contributing to that. No sane parent is going to want to treat a hate and venom spewing teen like the princess they think they should be treated as.... Think about it.
Secondly: You're in school, so you know how to read, and one has to assume that there is some reading comprehension in there..... so read the top of this page again.
It clearly states "where stepparents come to vent". Until you can be civil, remember that you're not a stepparent and you need to step off.
Best wishes...
treat them like you would
treat them like you would treat your own kids thats all ive evr wanted from my step mom but it never happened and thats y im where im at now... i dont want anyother Step kid to feel the way i feel
Maybe you should try to treat
Maybe you should try to treat her with some respect? You know - The Golden Rule - "Do Unto others As You Would Have Done To You."
You called her a HOE, so how
You called her a HOE, so how should she treat you princess?
I think if a 13 year old is
I think if a 13 year old is looking for a step site that is saying a lot. I feel just because somebody feels different and thinks different we should not suggest them to leave. We do have some birth mothers on this site too...
On the other hand even if we agreed to marry the father and his kids we definitelly did not agree to marry their mothers too and some birth mothers do think they have the right to get into our lives and make it a living hell. So every issue is complex and a 13year old who has probably never been in a relationship can`t understand some basic things. Even if I have a good relationship with the bio moms I can feel it on my skin that they are watching my every step and just waiting when am I going to make a mistake. It`s like big brother is watching you 24/7 and you have to pretend and even swallow things what in a normal situation nobody will swallow.
Im n a relationship for
Im n a relationship for almost 4 months and weve been through alot of crap because he is two years older than me but through thick and thin we peservere
Actually its not BOTH my step
Actually its not BOTH my step parrents its just my SM my SD is a awesome man he treats me like his own and i talk tohim about anything and everything
Wow Ladies. So much wonderful
Wow Ladies.
So much wonderful advice. I do however think this is a totally inappropriate site for a SKID.
At 13, you are too young to process the realities of adult life. Now this poor child has read our vents and some would be very, very difficult for a 13 year old to process.
I'm glad she has reached out for help but this site could be potentially very damaging to a young person especially when a large portion of our venting is about the SKIDS.
Another poster mentioned having her blocked. I believe this would be in her best interest. She simply lacks the maturity to put what we do here in proper prospective.
We use this site so we don't vent on those we love, we get our silly and serious stuff out of our systems but a child would not see it that way.
I think the Admin needs to look at ways to avoid underaged kids from coming here. Its just not healthy for them.
I'm concerned that she has now read our blogs and think automatically that her SM must feel the same her.
I love my SKIDS and they have put us through hell. I place the blame where it belongs, with their parents.
actually im fine.. i like
actually im fine.. i like being able to try to help sm see how there skids might feel sometimes i kno i didnt always feel like this
I remember how I felt at your
I remember how I felt at your age too when it came to my SM. I have experienced pretty much all the same thoughts and emotions. With age, you will start to see things differently.
You might want to start with a sincere apology to your SM for calling her out over the laundry. Yes you had a point but it was how you put it.
You have been unfairly involved in your parents' lives and it is coming back to bite you in the butt.
actually im fine.. i like
actually im fine.. i like being able to try to help sm see how there skids might feel sometimes i kno i didnt always feel like this
That's a good idea. I will
That's a good idea. I will look into that immediately!
Thanks!
Dawn
I was poking around facebook
I was poking around facebook and found some teenager venting and discussion pages.
2-14-104ever, if you have a school counsellor, please go and speak to them. They will be able to help you work through your emotions and work on stratagies to learn how to deal better with what is going on in your life.
2-14-104ever, first of all in
2-14-104ever, first of all in case you didn't realize, this site is intended for PARENTS and STEP PARENTS... Mostly because those of us who married into a family, such as yours, or we are with someone who has kids from another woman. My parents divorced when I was 5 years old.. I jumped from house to house! I was never in "The house I grew up in" I lived in 6 foster homes as well. My mother was hospitalized for mental disabilities, my father was in and out of jail, and in and out of my life.. My mom used to beat the crap out of me and my sister.. I think for you to come on here and boo-hoo how your life has been a living hell is ridiculous! Your wonderful mother I'm sure has told you a million horrible things about your SM, the reality is, your SM is not the HOE that ruined your life, your father moved on and found someone, I'm positive your mother has faults of your own if your mother was no longer happy. I can tell you right now that acting like a pre-madonna drama queen will get you nowhere, and it probably skids like you that drive us poor step moms to the end of sanity!! I treat my skids better then I ever could imagine! They adore me and their Father! They don't even want to be with their bio mom... So please grow up and realize your poor attitude toward adults trying to take care of kids in this site, will get you nowhere, and if you don't like this site for ADULTS, stay off the internet.
For my fellow STs, sorry if
For my fellow STs, sorry if my post to that young girl comes across bitchy, but I'm pissed that she is judging us.. This is our site, and its not intended for young children.. My appologies... I was defending my posts on here, and all of yours! I love you all, hope I didn't upset you!
im not trying to judge you im
im not trying to judge you im just trying to let stepparents know how there skids might feel....
This is not the place or
This is not the place or forum for that. We know how you guys feel you make it very clear with you attitudes and foul mouths. We come on here to talk to each other to GET YOU! TO SEE HOW WE FEEL! Please find a more age appropriate site.
I totally agree. I commend
I totally agree.
I commend those on here who were able to see through to the hurt and pain that this child is feeling. It's hard to remember what it was like to be a child, with no power, no control over your own life and environment. To be completely dependent and at the mercy of the adults in your life. I was a COD and felt the same things. But when someone talks about what they went through as a COD, people on here don't like to hear that.
Venting is fine. It's good to be able to let the steam out. But it does nothing for you unless you can get past it and find a solution that benefits everyone. Not just yourself. When your venting turns into an everyday occurrence, that's when you're in trouble. That's when you're about to blow. So DO something about it and stop whining. Because that's what venting turns into when you've been doing it too long - whining.
You could have been kind. You could have been compassionate. You could have been understanding. You could have tried to see things from another perspective... to see this child's predicament through a different lens - one where it's not all about you. But many of you didn't. You heaped your own experiences and hatred and disappointment onto a child and blamed her... without even really knowing who's to blame. Certainly it must be the child! Never the Stepmom! Not that it matters but I'm so disappointed that some of you reacted the way you did.
It just goes to show that some of you are not able to contain your negative feelings toward a child. Because if you could act and say such cruel things to a child on an anonymous board... well, let's just say I can imagine how your skids must feel when they're around you.
I supose if this girl came
I supose if this girl came across more directly seeking "help" from this site, rather then reading our posts, which are "our vents" "our outlets"... I am sure this girl is having a hard time, but I feel she was on here bashing step parents.. Yes maybe she is young, angry and confused.. I guess I'm just in a bad mood today as well, and didn't like her attack on us.. But there has been other posters on this site that are young, who respectfully came on here and asked for help.. So for kitrinkle and steve, I'm sorry.. I don't want you all to think I'm some heartless bitch.. But at her age, and what she may say, we really don't know the situation.. At her age, it will mostly be in the eyes and mind of a 13 year old.. I suggest she talk to her parents or seek counseling as well, I just do not think this site is at all appropriate for her.. I love you all, and I hope I didn't offend you! I am a good person with a huge heart for kids, I guess her opening post didn't strike my fancy..sorry
the only reason i came on
the only reason i came on here was so that step parents could see the step kids point of view... it might not b like this for all of step kids but i know alot of step kids who feel the same way i do.....
2-24-104ever, a lot of us on
2-24-104ever, a lot of us on here where stepkids growing up, the difference being that in our generation, any level of disrespect by a child/teen to adults was not tolerated by anyone.
We really don't need you here, we have a million years of collective experience in being stepkids. Trust us, you are not old enough nor are a step parent to be on this site.
This is in your best interest.
Now a kid oriented site, however, is where I think you could offer the best support to other teens facing the same challenges as you are.
Nomi, don't delete what you
Nomi, don't delete what you post! We are ALL human beings here, right? I love this site and all the posters on it, NO, I don't agree with everyone, and I'm sure everyone doesn't like what I have to say, but like we all know, if everyone was the same, it would be boring.. This site is for us to vent!!! Of course other bloggers might not like what I have to say, but we all have our opinion, sure, maybe I jumped the gun on the girls post and got offended and defensive, but as I read on, I appologised and wrote to this girl. I feel for her, yes, but I do NOT think this site is appropriate for her..
2-14-104ever, Welcome to the
2-14-104ever,
Welcome to the community. I hope you find it a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some good advice from others dealing with blended family challenges.
I have to disagree with your premise that "kids come first". The marriage/adult relationship comes first. The kids benefit from a strong, loving and supportive marriage.
From your writing you appear to be a young person dealing with some family issues.
Certainly I hope your life improves and you develop to be a viable adult and a loving spouse and parent.
Best regards.