Should fiance' visit children at ex-wife's house?
I feel so upset that he has to go over to his ex-wife's house to visit his 2 children. I have a son and my ex doesn't visit our son at our house. My fiance wouldn't stand for that. His ex doesn't want me around the children unless it's for her benefit, i.e. when she went out of town. I think he should bring the children to our home when he wants to visit with them. I guess I feel threatned by him visiting over there because I know that she is still in love with him...Am I wrong for voicing my opinion about him bringing the children to our home? His ex also doesn't have a driver's lisence, so he feels obligated to take her places that she has to get to, even when it doesn't involve the children. His ex also calls frequently for whatever reason...even to tell him to watch something on television. Should I feel threatned by this or am I over reacting?
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I have a question
Why does he have to go over there to see the kids?? Is is a court ruling? If not, they should be coming over to your home-no ex involved. As far as the rides go-tell her to take a cab or get a driver's license.
Sorry to sound harsh, but it sounds like a bunch of crap to me.
You don't sound harsh at
You don't sound harsh at all..I probably need to hear harsh. There's not a court ruling that says that...we live about 25 minutes from the chidren so instead of bringing them all the way here most of the time he visits over there..Also, she doesn't want me around the children...They tell their dad that they are bored over here.
OMG - you're kidding right?
I agree with Georgie Girl - you need to take care of yourself!
Are you married to this guy? Trust your instinct - if it tells you something isnt right and he's got an answer for everything then something isnt right. From what I can see, he is encouraging her "dependency" on him by doing what he does and may be even still has strong enough feelings that he cant let her go. Probably their relational pattern.
Even a step further - it seems like he is keeping you out of their family rather than building a new family around you. I would say to set some boundaries - by insisting he honor you and show you the respect you deserve. If you are in this together - than he cant continue to leave you out.
If you and he dont agree on what the boundaries should be - you should see a marriage and family counselor together. Sometimes men are too close to the situation to really see how their choices impact you and hearing it from a non-bias party is better than hearing it from you is better.
OMG - you're kidding right?
I agree with Georgie Girl - you need to take care of yourself!
Are you married to this guy? Trust your instinct - if it tells you something isnt right and he's got an answer for everything then something isnt right. From what I can see, he is encouraging her "dependency" on him by doing what he does and may be even still has strong enough feelings that he cant let her go. Probably their relational pattern.
Even a step further - it seems like he is keeping you out of their family rather than building a new family around you. I would say to set some boundaries - by insisting he honor you and show you the respect you deserve. If you are in this together - than he cant continue to leave you out.
If you and he dont agree on what the boundaries should be - you should see a marriage and family counselor together. Sometimes men are too close to the situation to really see how their choices impact you and hearing it from a non-bias party is better than hearing it from you is better.
Public transportation? Public parks?
Unless she lives in a VERY rural area, BM can take the BUS.
And ok the skids are bored at your house, but SO/DH can see them in public places - not in the infatuated BM's home. OMFG... the BM in my life is so obviously hung up on my DH (in 9 years she hasn't formed a single substantive relationship with another man and, until he stopped answering her petty emails & phone calls, would contact him to chat about a song she'd heard or how her day had gone at her new job or hobby). Cut her off - Your man needs to see how vital this is to not only your relationship, but to his own "moving on."
Blueberry's Baby
Get a friggin bicycle...
NCP should have rights too! That is what your fiancee should tell her!!!!!!!! So the children live 25 min from ya'll.....My husbands son lived 6 hours from us,WE would drive over, pick him up, and drive back the 6 hours.....only to do it agian when taking ss home 2 days later. Point being, my husband would prefer that than staying over in the same city as ex anyday...besides the fact that his time with ss was his time with ss and he didnt want her interference during his visitations.Also was the matter of making the child a part of OUR FAMILY....not fiancee still being a part of ex's. Your fiancee should be greatful that a round trip for him is less than an hour! My husbands ex tried the same phone crap as well...trying to reminisce about past friends they shared that she ran into/talked to...ect.....who cares!!!!! Your fiancee truly does need to wake up... she is not his responsibility any longer. Boundaries do need to be set... for the love of himself you and his children. What he is doing is not only hurting you, it is going to hurt his children in the long run too, because they are going to hold out hope that mommy and daddy are going to get back together no matter what he tells them(i.e. that he is marrying you,ect.) Why? because his ACTIONS speak louder than words to the children....He should stop all of this now!
The latest with BM walking
This morning I had to run an errand at the school where his boys attend school...where I taught up until Nov. of 2006..When I saw my fiance this evening, he was all upset saying one of the children saw me driving his truck, which is our truck(when it's good for him)and thought he passed them and the BM up...He said that that was wrong of me to drive pass the school when I know the BM and children are walking to school....I know she called him and went off on him....Then,he says that I can drive anywhere I want in my car, just not in his. I didn't even see them...the BM doesn't speak to me so I wouldn't have been able to offer a ride even if I did see them...It's her choice that she has to walk with the children. I think this is a no end situation....I really want to give up....I don't know what to do!!!!!
Okay, this is really
Wow, this is really out of hand. You guys are a family, and that family includes your partner's children. He is probably feeling guilty and wanting to make things nice for his kids, being with their mom in their house and all, but that's inappropriate. The kids have to learn how things are now. He is really enabling the ex and it's not fair to ANYONE. Mostly, it's not fair to you because you were brought into this and now are forced to deal with his mess.
The incident with the car is ridiculous! What, now you can only drive on certain roads at certain times lest BM see you and get angry? It is NOT her business what EITHER of you two do. You and your partner should really sit and talk about this. Let him know how bad you're feeling...he needs to choose what he wants and stick with it, because right now, he has it both ways and he's allowed his ex to call the shots for your family. Not okay.
Good luck!
Wow
This is crazy. Please keep do not up his status past fiance until this gets worked out. He does not sound like he has moved on any more than she. He needs to immediately start putting you and your relationship first. If you're marrying this man he should be including you in the visits with the kids (outside of BM's house). He is divorced. He is only confusing the kids by visting them at BM's. Their hopes of their parents getting back together will only be heightened by this. He needs to paint a clear line. He can be friendly to BM when he picks up kids, but not friends with her. He should not be hanging out with her. He may think he is making things easier on the kids, but, in the long-run, he is making it worse.
Is there anything in the decree about her needing to drive the kids to or from his house? Can he ever get them overnight? I don't understand the visitation schedule.
Sorry if I sound harsh, this just shocked me!! Also, I know I'm a few days late....
LOL
LOL I know it sounds crazy...he gets the kids every other weekend and he picks them up from school everyday....she doesn't have a car or driver's lisence in 2007, go figure....we had a talk yesterday about everything and I said how I felt again...so if it doesn't work this time...there's nothing else I can do...I refuse to be unhappy.