Lost it a little last night
I kinda flipped my lid a bit with DH last night. I had enough. I told him I was done, that he and step daughter could do whatever they wanted, just leave me the hell out of it. Disengaging.
It never works for me. Because once I have reached the point where I can't take it and I notify them or DH that i am stepping back...he is always trying to lure me back in! I hate that. He is always having step daughter come and apologize to me...even though it is an empty apology that means nothing because she never learns anything and keeps making the same mistakes again and again. He looks all sad and hurt like I am abandoning him. Even though I tell him it has nothing to do with the way I feel about him.
Then that is also when step daughter realizes that she better start doing something as well. I can't stand it. Why do I have to be pushed to near insanity before they see it? It is a horrible cycle in this house.
I tell them that too and it makes no difference.
Perhaps if I stick to my own guns this time, then they will see? If step daughter has to find her own ride to work and back? No, to her wanting me to take her to the store? No to her eating meals I cook?
Does this actually work for those of you who have tried it? How long before you caved in and let the step child back into your good graces again?
- 007Lostit's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Thanks for the link. It was a
Thanks for the link. It was a good read. I usually get sucked back into doing for my step daughter somehow....I end up feeling sorry for her etc...
I think DH tries to make up for her lack of respect for me. He is attentive to me etc, but then he forgets that he has to be a parent. Guess I just need to stop reminding him and let the chips fall where they may.
I like that your link said that just because we disengage does not mean we don't love them. I admit I have some very strong negative feelings for my step daughter right now...but I think it is my defense mechanism because I am very hurt by the things she does.
***the skid is at least 16
***the skid is at least 16 right? old enough to feed and clean up after themselfs ..****
One could only be so lucky....not my two skids.
Hi Foxie, Yes my step
Hi Foxie, Yes my step daughter will be 18 in just a few months. So she is more than capable of fending for herself in the food dept. but she just assumes that since I cook dinner each night that she is entitled. Kinda gripes me, but it seems a bit harsh to just tell her she can't eat what I cook lol.
Yes, the fake apologies are
Yes, the fake apologies are the worst. If they were truly sorry they wouldn't keep doing the things they do and then have to apologize for them. Well, my sd wouldn't if her dad didn't push her to it. I would just as well not hear it.
Just stop doing for the SD.
Just stop doing for the SD. I do believe if you are making dinner for DH and you then you can feed her. But, that is it. I do the laundry but don't put it away. That is the extent of my help with SS. I will only drive him somewhere if DH is working. Otherwise, not my kid, not my problem. They leave me out of most everything. I don't get involved in school work unless DH mentions something to me. Last night they were talking about Progress reports and SS was laughing that he got a C in one of his elective classes. I looked and said you are lucky you are not my kid, because if you are getting below an "A" in a blow off class as you put it, you would be grounded. But, then I am way stricter than your Dad". DH looked at him and said see and you thought I was being tough on you. That is the extent of my involvement. It is his kid, he can motivate him as he wants.
Just stay out of this stuff. You need to treat SD as a roommate that you have no relation to.
Do you ever feel guilty when
Do you ever feel guilty when you are going along doing your thing and then the step kid tries to join in? Because I have disengaged before and I focus on me and our other children, and we will all be doing something together then sd will decide that she wants to be a part of the family all of a sudden. I have let her do that before, and not said a word, but lately it is just frustrating, because it feels as if she is just doing it to push my buttons. It is like she is saying...'see, I can disrespect you and still get all the perks of the family'...
I do not let my kids get away with disrespecting me. I do not have my dh's backing when it comes to her disrespect of me, and he does not see 80% of it anyway since he works full time and I am here with the kids. I would have sent her back to her mom a few years back but her dad didn't want her to go. Then when he feels all sad about that stuff I feel guilty and give in.