I am new to the baggage claim.
I have been viewing this site for some time now and I wish I could meet you all over dinner or a drink. Some of your voices have become my imaginary friends. I risk sounding as unbalanced as the BM in my life. Can anyone tell me if there is a LEGAL way to keep her from continually interfering in our life, even when SS is with her? Can it be submitted to court when we go for a new custody hearing? (as it looks like we are moving that way). I am quite alone right now as DH is way too nice and is constantly being taken advantage of, so it is us that is sacrificing for the BM and "managing" HER insecurity that is leading to horrific manipulation. NO one else in my life has had to deal with insane ex's and I was married before and have chosen to remain childfree untill I met my DH. I chose to keep my bagage to carry-on size (a cat). 
I am trying to keep my sense of humor.
LOL I wish I had an answer
LOL I wish I had an answer for you, but I'm right there with ya. No kids of my own, baggage limited to one divorce and one furry cat. F is way too nice to BM and allows his guilt (somehow he still feels guilty for HER leaving HIM 12 yrs ans 2 of her marriages ago) to override his better judgment, and she takes and takes, making a good man feel like crap every step of the way. No one else in my life goes through what I go through with having a stepkid and troll BM.
This site is the only place I can talk about these things and people understand, so welcome welcome! I live in CT so if you're near, I'll take ya up on a visit! Welcome welcome
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
if u find one let me know
when BM took us to court bc she was claiming abuse and molestation (dont even ask) we had a record of every instance of her not conforming to the parenting plan, harassing us, VMs and texts, a log of EVERYTHING and all we heard from the GAL was "this is what u have to deal w bc u had a kid w her...and no matter what she does its worth it bc u put ur daughters life b4 your own, even if that means giving up a peaceful life bc of BMs interference." NO KIDDING. so i wish i could tell u it mattered, but in most cases, it doesnt seem like the courts care what the BMs do. goo dluck...u have a hard road ahead of u being a SM.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Harassment might work.
I don't know but if BMs actions are unduly interfering or controlling try filing a harassment charge with the police or local sheriff's office.
I recommend as many taped harassing telephone calls as possible and keep a journal of all conversations with or regarding BM. Any information that you can compile that shows BM's behavior would be a good thing to have if you move forward with some type of legal or criminal action.
Best regards,
we had this
GAL scanned over it and threw it aside. also told him we had several texts and VMs of a harassing nature and he didnt care. so while in theory, yes this should work, in practice, it doesnt seem to
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Thank you...
I don't feel so alone, and it seems DH is firm about his idea to fight it out in court if necessary, and is going to try to limit unnecessary contact.
We will be down loading all emails and texts, and recording all messages. He promised he will not answer her calls and let them go to voicemail for logging and recording. So the battle begins, and the war will be worth it if it brings stability to my SS life and peace to ours. I really liked the article about borderline-personality disorder, as it helped me point out the danger of the BM's behavior. Thank you all so much.
northernsiren, I am in California...but its still possible!
ah lucky girl, snow flakes
ah lucky girl, snow flakes were flying about here a couple days back, enjoy your sunshine!!!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
good luck nicoli
the best way we have found to limit the unnecessary contact, since we got ZERO help doing such in the courts, is to do it on our own. DH stopped answering ANY of her calls...it goes rite to VM. if he absolutely HAS to call her back, he will, if not, he doesnt. he does not answer her texts either. anything they need to say to each other can be done at exchanges. once he satrted "training" her how to communicate w us, she cut down on it all. BUt this could also be bc she got her CS paycheck doubled, so she feels she won and doesnt need to aggrivate us rite now. who knows. bottom line is, DH has to make the changes bc i HOPE u get support in court but from what ive seen thats really hard to come by.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I figured it out
that you can only successfully fight the insane BM, raise your SS, negotiate prep for court, and stay married if your DH is ON YOUR SIDE. Some times you never know he is until he begins this fight. There can be NO waffling, or wishy-washyness. My heart goes out to all of those who come second to the firsts. I have, until now, and it SUX. But as I have been disappointed in the past by others, so I remain skeptical. I truly believe in him, but I know old habits of placating are hard to break. Fighting is harder. Peaceful holidays...