Honestly? Get out and make a family with someone who doesn't already have one. It sounds harsh, but it will be a lot better of an option for you in the long run.

Oooo that is ROUGH!!!! I'm sorry you're going thru that. Your husband shld have spoke to you before she stayed at his family and he shldnt have stayed ... You come before her. Wow... I just feel awful for you. I can't imagine the hurt, anger, and betrayal you must feel. She is his past. If she is having a hard time take the child in and let her go to a friend or her family. When she's bk on her ft and stable the child can go bk. But this arrangement will hurt your marriage. Ouch

He betrayed you. Boot him. You were betrayed even if he didn't have sex with her.

Everything is not always black and white. There are often times that decisions are made based on unusual circumstances of the moment. You do not give much information as to the reason your DH spent the night or what caused the situation that would warrant taking in the grandchild and the mother. This may not have anything to do with having loyalty to the ex girlfriend over you. Decisions are sometimes made on an emergency basis.

20 years ago I faced the same kind of decisions when it came to my own grandchild. My son and wife had divorced. He lived in my home. She lived with her parents. As a parent I may have wished their union had worked out for the sake of my grandchild , but fact was it did not. I still had concern and cared about all of them.

One night I received a phone call from the ex DIL , crying hysterically. Her father was an alcoholic, in a drunken rage screaming and throwing her and the child's belongings out the door. I drove to the house picked them up and brought them to my home. In emergency situations--- safety comes first.

She and the child stayed for several weeks until other arrangemaents could be made.

My son was irrate that I should dare help her. He in his childish youth would have prefered that she be left homeless, helpless and failure rubbed in her face. He and the girl he was presently dating at the time were both indignant that I dare take the ex in . It had nothing to do with his present girlfriend at the time, it had nothing to do with my son. It was a decision made out of compassion and caring for my grandchild and the mother who had both been important people in my life. It was never intended to slight the girlfriend, it was never intended to get son and ex back togeher.

This sounds like my sister and her son. The son has two different BM (one son by each bm) My sister at different times has tried to help both Bm by letting them stay at her house. This never seems to work. My sister son is very wishy washy and back and forth between the two Bm. This kind of behavior never works. I would move on if I where you. Let new doors open and maybe you will find someone that has no children and ya'll can grown together. And when your ready for children have you own. Being a step parent is very hard.

This sounds like my sister and her son. The son has two different BM (one son by each bm) My sister at different times has tried to help both Bm by letting them stay at her house. This never seems to work. My sister son is very wishy washy and back and forth between the two Bm. This kind of behavior never works. I would move on if I where you. Let new doors open and maybe you will find someone that has no children and ya'll can grown together. And when your ready for children have you own. Being a step parent is very hard.