Holiday advice desperately needed
5 1/2 years ago SD was sent by BM to live with me (SM) and DH due to her uncontrollable behavior. She was 11 at the time. BM and DH spoil the kid rotten, do NOT reprimand for any behaviors and let her control everyone's lives (tried to cut to the chase). I have been physically, verbally and mentally abused by this child and she finally went back to BM 2 years ago. The abuse has never ended yet neither BP does a thing except at the extreme, tell her she shouldn't. With her in the house, my anxiety level goes completely off the scales and I can barely function.
About two months ago on her Twitter, she said she wanted to hire someone to kill me. I went thru the roof, DH thought I was over-reacting. Said if he didn't reprimand her this time for this I would be turning the paperwork over to the authorities so she can be charged with the felony charge she deserves. Said she is never allowed in our home again when I am home.
No clue what happened but found out she is planning on being at our house for 5 days over the Christmas holidays including the day after Christmas which happens to be my birthday!! When I tell DH no way is she allowed in my house, he goes on to say that neither are my grandkids then (hmmm, they haven't physically abused him or threatened his life).
DH won't talk to friends or family about situation to get other opinions and only hears mine. WHAT DO I DO????????????
Take your grandchilden on a
Take your grandchilden on a nice vacation somewhere with sand and water. Nice thought though, isn't it?
You can inform her directly yourself she is not welcome or invited...
You can follow up with the police, your DH bailed on his side of the bargain, therefore you should now follow up with the police and put an RO on her - then she cant come into your home.
I like both of these options,
I like both of these options, however be prepared for the backlash from your DH after following up with the police.
I think option #1 sounds the best, even if you don't go somewhere with sand and water, perhaps having Christmas with your Grandchildren elsewhere is a good solution. Tell DH either she doesn't come to our house and we have a pleasant Christmas with the grandkids, or I am going to their house for Christmas and my Birthday. Leave it up to him.
FYI, I hope your marriage is an otherwise great relationship, I don't know that I would stick around for a man that would let his daughter get away with even talking about a hit man! There are certain lines that do not get crossed, physical abuse is definitely one of them. Nobody should EVER put up with that, I don't care how much you love him.
How old is she? Can your
How old is she? Can your husband go somewhere with her?
I totally see your point, but in blended family situations the "your kid can't come to our house but mine can" mantra doesn't usually work or end well.
You can only say this if you
You can only say this if you really mean it. So let DH bring her into your house, and then mean it. I told DH this, and I stuck to it. SD19 has not been in my house in three years. But here is how I did it:
Got DH to agree SD19 had been beyond/over the top rude to me. Got DH to agree SD19 owed me an apology. Then said SD19 was welcome back into my house when she admitted what she had done to me and apologized.
Now, given that SD19 wouldn't apologize to me if her ass was on fire and I had the only extinguisher, she will not step foot into my house again.
If your SD shows up, confront her. Confront your husband. Make everyone miserable. Leave if you have to, after locking up all your valuables first. Make him realize you are serious.
Thanks for all the advice
Thanks for all the advice everyone!! I am going to type up an email to DH - will keep you posted on his response!