I haven't posted a whole lot, but here's a basic rundown of my situation with SD19:

DH got sole custody of SD19 at the age of 12 and she came to live with us (DH, myself and DD2 at the time). BM decided that she wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with her own daughter after she came to live with us and completely cut SD19 out of her family keeping her away from other siblings, etc.

At 18, SD decided that she was an adult and could do whatever she wanted regardless of what house rules were and was lying, stealing and eventually threatened the life of DD10 (who was 8 at the time) on two separate occasions. SD19 was told to get help (long line of mental illness in BM's family and some in DH's family)and was reminded on several times as to what was expected of her in the household. Despite countless sit-down conversations, SD19 continued her behavior and was eventually told that she was going to have to start looking for her own place. SD19 stormed out of the house and returned shortly after loudly declaring that she was moving out. SD19 didn't want DH or I knowing anything about her life, (where she had moved, etc.) even though I was still expected to pay for her health insurance as she was on my policy. Eventually, we found out that she had moved in with the parents of a high school friend of hers a few streets away.

Shortly after SD19 moved out, we noticed that friends, church members and even family were being very hostile to DH and myself with no explanation. The majority of DH's family and our friends all live within a 5 mile radius, so we would run into nasty looks at the grocery store while shopping and hear the huffing and puffing from these people when they would see us. I got several nasty messages on facebook from a former church member and friend until I finally had to delete my facebook page because of the harrassment. I had a phone call with my MIL in which she immediately screamed at the top of her lungs at me about the way I had treated her "poor granddaughter" and how she had "never been so sad in her whole life as when her granddaughter told her that she'd 'never thought she's see the day that she couldn't go back home'". DH and I eventually found out through some friends and other family members that SD19 had told anybody and everybody that she could that I threw her out of the house one night into the cold with absolutely nowhere for her to go and for absolutely no reason and that my DH did absolutely nothing to stop me. The tales and stories that SD19 spun after that got more and more outrageous and despite contradicting herself, she had more and more people rallying behind her and more and more people hating us.

At this point, it's been just over a year of us dealing with the aftermath. In May, SD19 left for Army boot camp. Much like SD19's BM, she did her best to destroy every relationship that she could for DH, DD10 and I and just up and left town with nothing but the path of her destruction in her wake. Things remain so hostile to this day with DH's family that my MIL (DD's own biological grandmother) refused to even acknowlege DD10's birthday this year which coincidentally ended up being the same day that SD19 came back into town for her leave after advanced training. I can't understand for the life of me how my MIL, a woman in her sixties, can profess her undying love for her 10 year old granddaughter to anyone and everyone that will listen - saying what terrible people her son and I are for "keeping DD10 away from her" when she won't even so much as pick up a phone to call this granddaughter or even send her a card for any holiday or her birthday! :sick:

When SD19 came into town on DD10's birthday, she made sure to immediately stop @ my MIL's to pick up her car that my MIL bought her and then basically blew my MIL off the rest of the time that she was back in town (even though the majority of her friends from high school were away at college). This didn't surpise us at all since SD19 never even liked my MIL and would do everything she could to get out of visiting her (until my MIL became useful to her of course).

When SD19 left town to report to her first duty station, I was surprised that she didn't take her car with her as it was stateside. She instead took the car from my MIL's and opted to leave it a few streets down from our house at the house of the former church member that had previously harrassed me on facebook. Because this woman lives so close to us, I see SD19's car around the area all.the.time. I don't know what kind of arrangements this woman has with SD19 about the use of her car and it's none of my business, but it's apparent that this woman has stopped using her own car and is using SD19's car to drive everywhere she goes. Unfortunately, this woman isn't exactly a careful driver and doesn't take good care of any of her own cars and is just as reckless with SD19's car. A few weeks ago on my way home from work, this woman almost rear-ended me while she was driving SD19's car and I was stopped, waiting to turn down my street. After that, I had a feeling that it was only going to be a matter of time before this woman got into some sort of accident with SD19's car and apparently, it took less than a month for it to happen. While driving to the grocery store with my mother to pick up some last minute items for Thansgiving, I saw SD19's car again with the former church member behind the wheel. The car was headed right towards us and that's when I saw it - the front end of SD19's car was damaged and the hood was pushed upward so it looked like a mini mountain. :jawdrop: While I'm not exactly cheering that my SD19's car is all banged up, I am really hoping that something good for us comes out of it. Knowing this former church member, I can pretty much guarantee that she won't say a word to my SD and also that she won't be able to repair the damage before she should be coming up for her holiday leave. I'm pretty sure that as soon as SD19 is back in town on leave next month and sees her car, that this woman is going to experience my SD's wrath. While I am trying to disengage, I can't help but hope that this woman (and hopefully others) will start to see what kind of person SD19 really is so that maybe things will be a little less hostile for us around town...