I will try to keep this short.

This seemed like the best forum as Biodad has documented anger management issues and went AWOL from Basic Training when he enlisted in the military years ago. That said, he is otherwise a normal redneck man married to a similar, though slightly less hostile woman.

Bottom line - no threats have been made to me, my wife (BM) or the kids. Parents carry guns and "say" they have concealed weapons permits (state of VA). Technically, nothing we can do, but the kids (SD -10; SS - 13) are increasingly mentioning angry outbursts and there have been several "I would kill him if..." statements thrown around. They see him every other weekend per CO.

Our family is honestly growing in fear for the safety of the children. They are old enough to speak for themselves, yet still children. We would love to have them speak to a court-appointed person, but the fear he has struck in them makes us worry they would never utter a bad word about their father no matter what they really think and feel inside.

We don't want to lose the trust we have with our children either, as we worry bringing the matter to court will only open up a can of worms from which our children will not let us forget until they are adults and understand what their dad is doing.

My wife contacted a family friend who is a cop and knows the ex-hubby (BD) and the kids, and he said that there is not much we can do unless we are prepared to really have our own lives torn inside out. We are not worried about that - nothing to hide - but we don't want to put the children through that if it is not necessary. It seems strange that someone should have to get hurt before the court can act in the children's best interest.

Any insights or thoughts to resolve this in a less than hostile way?