Confused about how to handle rude teens
Hi Everyone,
I'm a newbie and not really a step parent ... yet(??).
My boyfriend gets on great with all of my kids unfortunately the same cant be said for his kids and myself.
They are two teen girls - and both have their own issues and rude behaviour. I know he talks to them when i am gone about how rude they are but I feel that the way things are going confirms to them that while they behave badly there will be a degree of distance between me and him. Here are some examples of things i have to deal with:
1. SD 1 refuses to greet or acknowledge me at all. If he discusses it with her (in my absence she refers to me as a bithc, ho and other terms that make your eyes water 
)
2. If we run into each other with the kids around we can not have any normal interaction. It needs to happen in a incidental, kids aren't put in a situation where they have to talk to me fashion.
3. This means i have to try explain to my younger kids why i am not introducing them to the girls. They are pretty keen and excited on meeting his kids.
4. They refuse to come to my house hence he doesnt come while they are with him. EVER.
5. SD2 will chat to me when i am at his house and she is there but react totally different when SD2 is around or I am not around and also has her own selection ofdescriptions for me.
5. I know he loves them dearly and I know that his eldest has already made some significant changes to the closeness of their relationship because he is with me. She blames me for his previous relationship break up
I feel like maybe i should just step away. Leave him and his kids to be happy. WE've discussed it and he says i just need to hang around and let them grow out of it. I dont think they will ever grow out of blaming me for their mum and dad splitting. EVEN THOUGH THAT IS NOT THE TRUTH.
I have tried showing and interest in their lives. Tried chatting. Been pissed off and walked out.
I'm still dealing with my own split issues .... who isn't they never stop do they?? So really could do without worrying about how to get these incredibly rude kids to allow me a normal relationship with BF.
Any comments / advise / similar stories / words of encouragemet greatly accepted. Anything is better than this dark hole of uncertainty i'm stuck in at the moment
If you are both still dealing
If you are both still dealing with past issues then it might be time to take a step back and just be friends. Kids can be animalisitic...their instincts are strong, in that they can pick up on atmospheres and human emotions...sometimes before we ourselves do! I heard somewhere that even earwax smells when someone is afraid, as long as there is unease on your, or BF's part, then the kids are going to use that conflict to their own advantage. It's really up to their dad to instill social behaviors into them. It's natural for them to resent you. What I found worked was to stop letting SKids push my buttons, so to speak, and I'd say 'hi' to them and then go about my business. Once kids see that you are not bothered by their negative behaviors then they have to change tack...LOL try it!
Can I reccomend that you do not introduce your kids to them until things settle down one way or the other? My reason for that is if SKids cannot get to you emotionally they will try it with your kids, and that's tough to deal with.
It will be years before these
It will be years before these girls come to accept you if ever. Meanwhile if you should be so bold as to marry their father you haven't seen anything yet.
Is there some reason this guy is so particularly attractive that you're willing to take on this never ending problem?
Once a skid gets it in their
Once a skid gets it in their head that you caused the breakup of mom and dad, you're screwed. The truth doesn't matter to them once they've latched on to a scapegoat. My SD19 has believed that I was the cause of her parents' divorce since she was 12 and she's still going strong. I could try to convince her I had nothing to do with the dissolution of their marriage, but my jaw would fall off long before her mind would ever grasp the concept that maybe, just MAYBE, I had NOTHING to do with it and it had EVERYTHING to do with her parents.