I am so frustrated from worry and lack of sleep this week. On Tuesday, July 8th, DH and I found out that BM had failed to pay the utilities for some time and they cut everything off. Then we found out that she was also delinquent on rent, and her phone was soon to be cut off. She of course expected us to bail her out yet AGAIN! DH told her he would get back to her. He talked with me about the situation and we both agreed that enough was enough! However, SS (4) has to have breathing treatments two times a day, so electricity is a non-negotiable.

She refused to let us take the children until she got things straightened out, so we really didn't know what to do at that point. We finally gave her the money, but we sent it through the court so it would be on record how much we had to pay. Of course she became irrate over this because she had to wait a few more days. Luckily the 11th was our scheduled day to have the kids, she still didn't have any utilities turned back on the next week, so she agreed to let us have them on the 19th as long as we brought them back on the 20th. During that visit SS (10) tells us that mom is back on drugs and alcohol, he's scared, doesn't want to go back home etc. etc. Still trying to be somewhat cautious, I asked him why he didn't call us when this happened. He said that she wouldn't let him call his dad and when he tried to get the phone, she locked him in his room. This all seemed so bizarre to me. In my family, you would never hear of anything like this happening. (And for the record, I have every reason to believe my SS. BM takes the kids to all of her NA and AA meetings, and she almost killed herself from a drug overdose one other time.)

At this point I was furious and told DH that we were reporting this to CPS. He agreed, especially when she wouldn't answer yes or no regardless how many times he asked her if she had slipped again.

SS (10) talks ALL the time. I swear there is a motor in that child's mouth. I have to admit, there are times when I tune him out, but he did catch my attention when he said that they were staying at a lady's place who had a daughter that was his aunt's boyfriend's daughter. I asked their names, of course he only knew first names, but that was enough for me to figure some information out. (You see their aunt is also a drug addict -- lovely huh?!?!)

Then, on the 21st, her cell phone gets cut off, so we have no way to figure out where they are staying or anyway for SS (10) to call us if there is a problem. So I call the grandmother, and told her what was going on and asked her what the deal was with the daughter's boyfriend's ex-girlfriend and the daughter. The grandmother freaked out b/c apparently the woman they were staying with was a known meth addict, used needles for other drugs and has Heppatitus C. I almost passed out!

And so began the search. Of course CPS still hasn't done ANYTHING! I called them once, and my husband calls them twice. We found out that the place she said they go to daycare hasn't seen them since September 2007. The grandmother spends two days and finally found them yesterday. BF calls BM and she states that they are back in the house and that she has the utilites turned back on, then proceeds to scream at him for being worried and says that he's not worried enough to actually help her get any issues resolved. We both rolled our eyes, b/c if we hadn't sent extra money, they'd be without a home etc. etc.

Apparently she's back to work and showing no signs of using drugs right now. But I swear, I think CPS purposefully waits to go investigate anything like this so the custodial parents have time to clean up their messes and avoid accountability.

These children should not have to go through all of this nonsense and they certainly shouldn't have to live in this type of environment! BF and I are both college educated, hold down full-time jobs, own a home, pay ALL of our bills, have vehicles that work, put money back in savings (although it never stays there since we are constantly bailing her out). And yet our court system views a drug addict, who sleeps around with anything/anyone who will give her a buck, and hangs out with other drug addicts, is a more fit for the children?!?!?!

Our system makes absolutely NO sense to me. I would fight this, but every lawyer we've talked to says that it's not bad enough for the courts to remove the kids…we need more proof, etc. etc. I thought surely this is wrong, so I called my father who is a retired police officer. I asked him and he said as much as he would like to tell me differently, the lawyers were right. He told me right before he retired he had a case where the mother nailed the windows and doors shut and turned on the gas to try and kill herself and her 3 children. In one week she was out and had all three kids back in her custody!!! What has our world come to?

I hung up the phone and just cried. I would seriously go to the ends of the earth for these children, but our legal system won't help me protect them. I just don't know what to do. I married my husband knowing that she had a drug problem, but she had stayed on the wagon for 2 years, so I thought she had battled with her demons. I had no idea I would ever be facing these types of frustrations and injustices. I would marry him again knowing all of this, but I'm just so frustrated! I want to protect them, I know they are only my skids, but I love them as if I had given birth to them. The thing of it is, even the 3 year old wants to live here b/c it's so bad. I've been in social work for 5 years and I've seen kids who cry because they don't want to leave mommy, and mommy was scum of the earth! Knowing this, I wonder what is going on to make these kids want to leave mommy for BF and me.
I am seriously considering writing a letter to our governor. In the field of mental retardation, he has made it so all provider has to account for every penny that their clients receive. FANTASTIC! There are strict policies that enforce abuse and neglect. Providers can even be suspended from taking new clients if they have too many incident reports. And if the investigation during the suspension discovers too many inappropriate dealings, the company is shut down. WONDERFUL!

My question is why can’t the same standards be applied to our children? Why aren’t the custodial parents held accountable for the way they spend child support? Hello, I thought that this money was supposed to go to provide for their needs. I was under the impression that it included shelter, utilities, and medical treatment but apparently not! The sad thing is that in my case load, I have several clients who were born normal but due to neglectful and abusive parents they ended up with mental disabilities! Is that what it’s going to take to get these children away from this woman? I’m serious; she brings total disgrace to the word mother!

I realize I’m totally ranting here because I’m frustrated and scared and I have no where to turn. Our system has totally let the children, their father, and me down. But I wonder if I may have hit on something? I wonder what would happen if we all started bombarding our governors, senators, and congressmen with demands for stricter laws on the custodial parents? If anyone is willing to join me in this, I will write a letter and post it so that all you have to do is print it out, sign it, and mail it off. Maybe if we all started complaining, we would be able to make a difference. If anyone is interested please let me know.

Also if anyone has any suggestions on how to better protect my skids I am more than open!
I have been documenting EVERYTHING in minute detail. I have sent mass emails for prayer to all my friends with all the details. This weekend I am typing and laminating a card with emergency numbers that he can carry in his wallet in case she has the skids in a bad environment and SS (10) needs to call for help. (We had a cell phone for him but he loses it every other week, so this turned out to be hundreds of dollars out the window each month. Oh and he wouldn’t keep it charged.) I just don’t know what to do. CPS won’t do anything, they haven’t even contacted her!